Guardian
by BlackNecko
Summary: The thug life is not all its lived up to be. After a run-in with the wrong group, Levi wakes up in a place he never imagined. Heaven. Even better (or worse) Eren is reborn, and Levi is his guardian angel. Everything seemed to be peaceful until an corrupt angel named Annie, tries everything in her power to ruin their lives. Putting Eren's soul, and the soul of an unborn on the line.
1. Fight or Flight

_**Hello and welcome to our new Angel and Demon AU book!**_

 _ **I have some great plans for this book! Ooh, I can't wait! There will be trigger warnings such as abuse, rape, cutting, suicidal attempts, suicidal thoughts, miscarriages and any other fucked up thing that comes to mind as I develop this fic.**_

 _ **This is Levi x Eren (meaning only Levi will top), with a few other parings. I do not own anything.**_

 _ **All rights go to their owners. (AoT/SnK : Hajime Isayama.) **_

_**Special thanks to Cheezysan for making the cover art for this fic. Made to my request :) Thank you!**_

 _ **Enough talking, enjoy the fic! *bows and walks away***_

 _ ***I recommend you listen to this song while reading this part. It may have to go on repeat, but don't start it yet. I'll tell you when to start it. Song: Make It Home - August Alsina.***_

"Are you sure Levi?" Eren asked while stepping out of the car, wincing slightly in pain while leaning on the car for support.

"I'm positive Eren. Are _you_ sure you don't want me to walk you inside?" Levi spoke softly, concern in his voice. Eren had woken up feeling sick and dizzy. He had assured Levi that he was fine, but by lunch time he had thrown up all of his food from the day and was unable to keep anything down. Levi had immediately taken Eren to the hospital after that.

"No, I'm fine," Eren chuckled slightly though he felt like he'd hit the floor as soon as he let go of the car. "Plus, you have work in a little bit. I can go by myself."

"Tell me as soon as it's over, no matter what I'm doing alright? I'll come pick you up." Levi gave Eren a stern look so the brunet would remember to call him.

"Alright, alright. Go on, I don't want you to keep Isabel and Farlan waiting long." Eren took a deep breath before balancing his weight and letting go of the car.

"Okay, I love you Eren." Levi called out to Eren with a smile as he slowly walked to the hospital doors.

"Love you too." Eren called back before he disappeared into the hospital. Levi was about to pull the car out of park before his phone rung a familiar Darth Vador -Star Wars- theme. He knew Farlan was calling. He answered his phone before putting it on speaker phone and setting it in his lap while changing the gears out of park and pulling out of the parking lot and on the street heading to downtown Trost.

 _"Yo?"_ Farlan spoke through the phone.

"Yes Farlan? What is it?" Levi sighed, he really didn't want to have Eren go alone, but he couldn't skip work. Even if he wanted to.

 _"Where are you at? You were suppose to be here twenty minutes ago."_ Farlan announced matter-of-factly.

"Who's the boss again? Me or you?" Levi spat back. He was slightly irritated with the fact that Farlan was keeping tabs on when he was suppose to be act work.

 _"You are Levi. I was just wondering where you were at. That's all."_ Farlan chuckled softly at Levi.

"I was dropping Eren off at the doctors. He felt really sick and couldn't keep any food down." Levi turned down a familiar road, heading towards his house.

 _"Is he okay?"_ Farlan sounded concerned. Eren was like a little brother to him.

"I don't know, I hope so. Me and Eren were planning something." Levi spoke vaguely. He knew if Farlan knew, then so would Isabel; and she'd never shut up about it.

 _"Oh? What were you planning?"_ Farlan spoke with a hint of interest in his voice.

"I'll tell you if you, don't tell Isabel." Levi already knew the read-head would find out eventually. He sighed while pulling into his driveway. He didn't live that far away.

 _"I won't, I won't! Just tell me!"_ Farlan begged loudly.

"Fine," Levi got out of the car before locking it and heading into his house. "Me and Eren were planning on having a baby." Levi announced while taking his shoes off and setting his keys on the kitchen counter.

 _"A baby?! I'm going to be an aunt?!"_ Isabel screeched from the background.

 _"Where did you come from?!"_ Farlan yelled after her loud outburst. Levi set down his phone once he got in his room before going in the closet to change his clothes.

"Will you two shut the fuck up? Yes, Eren and I want to have a baby." Levi spoke from his closet.

 _"Congrats."_ Farlan clapped. Levi refused the urge to roll his eyes.

"Why are congratulating us? We don't know if he's actually pregnant. I hope so though." Levi changed into a black shirt and baggy black jeans.

 _"What if he is? Does that mean you're out of the game for good?"_ Farlan decided to get out of his desk chair and walk around.

"Yea. If he is pregnant I'll only stay in until he realizes he needs my help and asks for it." Levi grabbed his phone and walked to the kitchen.

 _"Its good that you have a plan about all of this."_ Farlan praised while beginning to look for Isabel.

"How could I not? I have to have everything planned for Eren just in case." Levi opened the fridge. The first thing he saw was a container with blue sticky note on it. Something was written on it in perfect cursive.

 _Take a snack with you to work. You're going to be hungry. Its healthy and you better eat it. Eat this, and I will give you something sweet to eat later. K? Love you._

 _-Eren._

 _"That's sweet. I remember back when Eren was a total badass."_ Farlan laughed.

"He still is a badass. I just have him...restrained." Levi grabbed the container and closed the fridge. He grabbed his keys and walked outside. He locked the door back before heading down the sidewalk. Going the opposite way he came.

 _"Wow, restrained? What do you mean by that?"_

"I keep him from doing certain things, not completely stopping him from it but just letting him do it less." Levi spoke as he walked down the side walk.

 _"Examples Levi. I need examples."_ Farlan sighed.

"Well, Eren still has a good eye and aim, but I refuse to let him back in the game just so he can shoot people. So occasionally I take him out in the woods and set up a shooting range for him. He also still likes parkour so I occasionally let him do it. Like I said, I let him do what he loves to do, just not often enough to where he wants to get back into the game." Levi sighed, enjoying the fresh air.

 _"Wow, hearing you say all this make me remember back when Eren was a rival and you hated his guts. Now you're doing all of this for him? You've gone soft Levi."_ Falan spoke in a sing song voice.

"Do you want me to knock the fucking taste out of your mouth for saying some bullshit like that?" Levi growled into the receiver.

 _"No need. Its good you're going soft. It means you'll be a great dad some day."_ Farlan chuckled. Levi sighed. He just couldn't stay mad at this guy.

"Thanks." Levi replied.

 _"No problem. I call you later. Isabel disappeared somewhere and I have to find her. Oh, and mom said give her a call when you get the chance."_ Farlan spoke while walking down another hall.

"Alright. Bye." Levi rolled his eyes with a slight smile.

 _"Bye."_ Farlan replied before the line went dead.

"I'll be a great dad someday?" Levi repeated while putting his phone away.

~.~.~

"Eren Jaeger?" The nurse called. Eren lifted his head up abruptly since he was nodding off.

"I'm here." He replied. Her amber eyes drifted to him and she smiled warmly.

"Please come with me." She motioned him over. He stood and followed her.

"How are you today?" She said when they began to walk down the hall.

"Terrible." Eren replied with a soft chuckle. He continued to look at his feet as the walked.

"Well out job here at Trost Medical Hospital is to ensure our patients feel well. So we'll make sure to make you terrible day into a good day." She looked back and smiled. Eren faked a perfect smile back.

"Okay." He replied. She lead him to the last room on the hall on the left side.

"Your doctor will be here momentarily. In the meantime, please wait here. Would you like anything?" She smiled as Eren sat on the edge of the hospital bed.

"Some water please. My throat's kinda dry." Eren laughed.

"Alright. Be right back." She smiled and left. As soon as the door closed he let out a deep sigh and pulled his phone out of his jacket and saw he had a text from Levi.

 **Levi: Are you okay? Did you find out what was wrong?**

Eren winced slightly from the headache that was forming but still sent his reply.

 **Eren: No. I didn't find out what's wrong, but I'll be okay. Don't worry about me.**

"EREN~!" Came a loud voice as someone entered the room. It was his friend Hanji.

"Hanji," Eren covered his head and ears. "Don't yell. I have a headache." Eren whined.

"Sorry sweet pea. What seems to be the problem today?" Hanji tossed him a cold water bottle that he almost didn't catch.

"What? You don't know?" He opened his water a downed half of it. "I thought doctors are suppose to be reading the patience's papers." He smirked.

"Well for starters, I do things my way. I'm also only 19. I'm forgetful." She chuckled before grabbing a chair and dragging it in front of Eren before sitting down.

"Remind me again why a 19 year old is a doctor?" Eren asked before drinking more of his water.

"Why is a 19 year old in my care for the day?" She raised a brow.

"I don't know. Please enlighten me." Eren replied sarcastically.

"Because I'm smart." She smiled triumphantly.

"Crazy is more like it." Eren mumbled behind his hand.

"Shut it. Regardless, why are you here today Eren?" She pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose.

"I woke up sick and couldn't keep any food down. Levi quickly took me to the hospital." Eren shrugged with a slight yawn. He was so tired.

"Oh?" Her eyes gleamed. "Eren answer me this..." She leaned back in her chair.

"Yea? What?" Eren set his water bottle on the table next to him.

"When was the last time you and Levi had sex?" She cocked her head to the side. Eren's face quickly heated up with a deep blush.

"W-what?! Why does that matter?! Why would you ask me such a personal question?!" Eren covered his face in embarrassment.

"Just answer the question." She huffed while taking off her glasses. She cleaned the lens on her shirt and put them back on.

"Uh...let me think." Eren looked down at his feet. "Yesterday was close but only ended at a make-out session, so... About three weeks ago." Eren nodded at his answer. A dumb grin quickly spread across her face.

"Well if you don't know what's wrong, then you are surely blind, but I'll still run some tests for confirmation," She stood. "I'll run a blood, urine and semen test on you. So be prepared Eren. I'll come back with two cups." She began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Eren raised a brow.

"I said I'll _come_ back. Get it? Co-" She began to explain.

"No, no. I get it. Just hurry back, I want to have dinner made before Levi gets home." Eren laid back on the bed and closed his eyes.

"Alright. I'll try as fast as I can." She smiled and walked out of the room before closing the door behind herself.

~.~.~

"Sup fuckers." Levi announced when he walked into an abandoned building. Where he, Farlan and Isabel established their hideout. Farlan quickly walked by only to stop and walk back.

"Oh Levi, you're here. Have you seen Isabel? I still haven't found her." Farlan scratched his head nervously.

"So your're saying, you let our sister roam around in this creepy ass building, and now she's lost? Am I correct?" Levi raised a brow.

"Sadly." Farlan nodded.

"You're dumb. I know where she is, and I just got here." Levi shook his head and began walking down a hall.

"I'm not dumb!" Farlan pouted as he followed Levi.

"Then how could you not know where she is?" Levi asked as he continued to walk.

"I don't know. She just popped up, then she disappeared." Farlan reminded.

"And have you heard anything from our victim?" Levi looked back at Farlan.

"A few occasional yells, but nothing more."

"That means she's there torturing him. Put two and two together Farlan. That could be the difference between life and death." Levi stopped in front of a door where Isabel's laugh could be heard.

"Sharp as ever, Levi." Farlan laughed. Levi playfully rolled his eyes before opening the door.

"Having fun without me, you shitty brat?" Isabel set down her pliers before turning towards Levi.

"Levi-bro! You're here." She chuckled.

"You really did a number on him. You've been taking some pointers from me?" He walked further the room to inspect her work.

"Of course. Beat ass first, ask questions later." She repeated said like her own personal mantra.

"Good job." He playfully ruffled her hair.

"L-let...me go..." Their captive spoke weakly. Levi grabbed his hair and yanked it back. Causing a strangled cry to rip from his throat.

"What?" Levi put a hand to his ear. "What was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of bitch in your voice. Don't be scared now, you have something to say, you better speak the fuck up now, or forever hold your peace." Levi growled.

"M-my boss will get you...all of you...better watch y-yourselves." He groaned in anger. "So I-I suggest you let me go..."

"I suggest you shut the fuck up before I shove my foot so far up your nasty ass, that you will forever taste my shoelaces." Levi glared daggers. He growled when he heard the phone ring in the distance.

"Farlan. Phone." Farlan nodded and headed off to get it.

"Levi?..." Isabel said softly. Levi let go of their captive's hair.

"I'm fine. I just think disrespectful brats need to be taught a lesson." Levi tsk'd.

"Phone's for you Levi." Farlan gave Levi a look. They both nodded before Levi headed off to the phone. He got to the phone and picked it up off the table where Farlan set it.

"Who the fuck is this and how did you get this number?" Levi spat out into the receiver.

 _"That's not important. What's important is that you let him go or we're going to have a problem."_ A deep voice replied. It was too deep to be natural. Levi quickly knew someone was disguising their voice.

"Only a scared bitch would hide their voice, and if you want him then come get him, fucker." Levi rolled his eyes at the phone.

 _"Oh? Then how about my boys pay Eren a visit?"_ Levi's eyes widened. _"Trost Medical Hospital right? I can have them over there before you say 'sorry', and they'll have no problem killing any and everyone to get to him."_

"What if I think you're bullshiting me?" Levi returned with a growl.

 _"I guess you can't know. Do you really want to take that gamble of 'what if'?"_ The person chuckled.

"Touch him and so help me, I'll fucking kill you myself." Levi promised while gripping the phone tighter.

 _"There's no need for any of this. Let him go and that will be the end. Done and in a nutshell."_

"Fine." Levi huffed and hung up the phone. He walked back to the room where Isabel was about to pull off another fingernail.

"Isabel, stop," He spoke while looking away. "Untie him and let him go."

"Let him go?! Levi are you fucking crazy?! He was snooping through our shit!" Isabel quickly stood.

"I agree with her Levi. Let him go? That doesn't sound like a good idea." Farlan shook his head.

"I said fucking let him go! If we don't then someone will kill Eren and everyone at the hospital!" He yelled back. Farlan and Isabel both stopped talking.

"I've killed more people than I can remember... Innocent, guilty, young, old. I didn't care," Levi lifted his head up. "If letting this bastard go is the difference between life and death for people, then I'm doing it. We all have to pay for our sins one day. This is the first step towards it."

Levi pulled a knife out of his back pocket and walked over to their captive, tied up and bloody. He cut the ropes that bounded him to the chair.

"Tell anyone about where we are and I _will_ kill you. Regardless of everything I just said," Levi ran the knife along the captive's cheek. Making it bleed.

"Understand?" The captive replied with a quick nod.

"Good," Levi stood with a sigh. "Farlan, show this useless son of a bitch out of here." Levi walked out of the room and to his office.

~.~.~

"Okay Eren. I'm done with the tests." Hanji stepped back into the room to see Eren asleep, snoring lightly.

"Eren honey," She shook him softly. "Wake up please."

"Levi?" Eren mumbled softly.

"No. It's Hanji. Wake up, I have your results." She walked back to her chair and sat in it. Eren scratched his head and slowly sat up, giving Hanji his full attention.

"Yes?" Eren yawned.

"Well I checked your blood, urine and semen like I said, which made me wonder. What did you think about to make yourself cum?" She smirked. Eren started to wipe the sleep from one of his forest green eyes.

"Are you fucking kidding me? One, why would you ask some creepy shit like that, and two, isn't it pretty obvious?" Eren replied with a blank expression.

"Its not creepy. Doctors have to ask these sorts of questions. Also, yes, I know its obvious I just wanted to know if you were brave enough to say it. That's all." She smirked behind her clipboard.

"So what did you want me to say? I though about Levi, fucking me on about any and everything? You want me to say that's what I thought of while jerking off so I could cum. Is that what you wanted to hear, Hanji?" Eren glared softy.

"Maybe." She snickered.

"You're a creep." He shook his head.

"Shut it and read the paper," She handed him the clipboard. "You've tested negative in everything but one test." She sighed deeply while adjusting her glasses again. Eren let his eyes quickly scan the paper until they stopped on one line where in big bold letters it said...

 **Positive.**

Eren continued to look at the line. Unable to say anything. He lifted his hand and pointed to the table where his phone was. Hanji picked it up and handed it to him. Eren unlocked it and went to Levi's contact name. All without removing his eyes from the paper. His thumb hovered over the call button before clicking it.

~.~.~

"Tell it again Levi-bro!" Isabel whined as they walked back towards Levi's house.

"Why? I tell you this story damn near everyday." Levi sighed while looking at the stars.

"Just do it!" She whined.

"I've told it so many times that you could recite it back to me." Levi rolled his eyes.

"Just do it. Otherwise she'll never shut up." Farlan sighed.

"Fine. The day I fell for Eren was a weird day. As you guys know, Eren was part of a rival gang. Well back before I knew you guys, my gang had went to create a truce and ultimately widen our trust, money and territory. Better said than done. So we got there and we sat down. Of course Eren sat back at his desk and kept a close eye on us. As the meeting went on, tensions started to rise and the two gangs began to argue. Before anyone really realized it, everyone had already pulled out their guns, trigger finger itching to pull it. My gun was pointed at Eren, who still continued to sit calmly in his chair. Someone quickly called his name and he ducked under the desk. The sudden move caused someone to pull their trigger. Bullets were flying through the air."

"Now before I make Eren seem like a punk, cause he was and still is the exact opposite, he came back from under the desk, wielding two desert eagles like a badass. Closing one eye, he began unloading his clips. Getting head-shots like no ones business. When the smoke cleared only me and him stood. My gun to his, both aimed at the head. Ready to kill. Despite seeing the fury and determination in his eyes, he didn't pull the trigger. And I couldn't bring myself to do it either. We should have been paying attention cause he was quickly shot by a survivor of my gang. Before I could stop myself, I had pulled the trigger, killing him. Not Eren, but my own gang member."

"I quickly rushed to Eren who was trying to crawl away to safety. I stopped him and insisted to check his wound. Of course he kicked and screamed and tried to reach for his gun, but I pinned him down and towered over him. I don't know what it was about that moment that made me fall in love with those eyes, even when they prickled with tears. He let me help him and we ran away from our gangs, creating our own. That's when we let you guys join. I made him leave because it was becoming more dangerous. The remains of Eren's gang were starting to come together and they were looking for him. So I had him leave, but we've been together ever since." Levi finished his story with a deep sigh. The story always took a lot out of him every time he told it.

"So sweet~!" Isabel cried out. Levi was about to start talking again but he felt a shiver go up his spine. The same one he got that same morning when Eren was throwing up. Telling him something wasn't right.

"Levi?" Farlan asked.

"I feel like we're being watched," He shook his head. "Maybe I'm crazy." He turned only to feel something whisk by he face. Opening a cut on his cheek. His eyes widened when he realized it was a gunshot.

 _ ***Start the song now***_

"Run!" Levi quickly darted down the alleyway to the left. Farlan and Isabel sprinted after him.

"What the fuck was that?!" Farlan yelled. Levi was too busy looking left and right, noticing his surroundings before turning down another alley.

"Gang from earlier! Damnit! I knew I shouldn't have let him go!" Levi cursed at himself. His phone began to buzz in his pocket but his legs were moving too fast for him to notice.

"What do we do Levi!?" Isabel yelled. There was a wooden fence in their path up ahead.

"Parkour it!" Levi front flipped over it and landed on his feet. Isabel and Farlan quickly followed and they continued to run. Levi's phone buzzed in his pocket again. Another gunshot was heard and Levi yelled in pain. He had gotten shot in the leg.

"Son of a bitch!" Levi kept running. His adrenaline was running through his veins too quickly. He couldn't stop.

"Levi!" Isabel cried out just as Levi's phone buzzed again. He looked back and saw her forest green eyes, full of fear. Reminding him of...

"Eren!" Levi's eyes widened and he quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket and answered the call.

"H-Hello?" Levi replied while turning down another alley. He looked back to make sure Isabel and Farlan were still there.

 _"Levi?... Why are you panting? What's going on?"_ Eren sounded concerned and slightly scared.

"I'm fine baby. Are you okay?" Levi could barely hear over the sound of his heartbeat in his ears.

 _"I'm fine. I just needed to tell you something important."_ Eren's voice cracked slightly. Levi stopped abruptly at the gate in front of them.

"Fuck! Farlan, boost Isabel up and I'll boost you up!" Levi ordered quickly.

"But your leg-." Isabel was quick to protest.

"There's no time! Hurry up!" Farlan quickly locked his fingers and help boost Isabel over the gate. She climbed over and jumped down.

"You're next." Levi put his phone on speaker phone before putting it in his pocket and locking his fingers together. Farlan quickly stepped on them and Levi pushed him up. He climbed over and jumped down.

"What did you need to tell me?!" Levi pulled his phone out of his pocket before turning off the speaker phone. He put it to his ear and put his foot to one of the holes on the gate.

"Freeze! Make another move and you're dead!" Levi tsk'd and turned back to a group of three guys. He couldn't see a possibility of him surviving the attack.

 _"I went and ran tests with Hanji's crazy ass, and tested negative for all but one test."_ Eren took a deep breath. Levi couldn't think straight. Eren couldn't hear what was going on?

"Levi, Levi, Levi. Did you really think we wouldn't come for Eren?" The first guy spoke while stepping forward, aiming his gun at Levi's chest.

"Over my fucking dead body. You aren't getting him." Levi growled.

 _"I was pretty surprised when I saw the results but... I really want to tell you."_ Eren chuckled.

"Suit yourself. The guy spoke. His finger began to pull back on the trigger. Levi turned to climb the gate.

 _"Levi... I'm pregnant... we're going to be parents!"_ Eren smiled.

 _ **Bam!**_

Levi's eyes widened as he hit the ground. Accidentally turning the speaker back on. Meaning Eren could hear everyone and everyone could hear Eren.

"Levi!" Isabel cried while trying to climb back over the gate.

 _"What's wrong with Levi!? Levi! Levi, speak to me! Please!"_ Eren begged. Levi pulled his phone closer to his ear. He could hear the faint sound of a heart monitor. It began to speed up.

"He was shot!" Isabel yelled. The members of the gang ran off in the opposite direction.

 _"What?! No, no, no! God, please!"_ Eren pulled off the pieces connecting him to the heart monitor before getting up and running out of the room.

 _"Eren? Go back to your room! Your lungs and heart have to monitored right now!"_ Hanji tried to stop him but he pushed past her.

 _"I have to get to Levi! Don't die on me! Not on me or this child! Don't leave us Levi!"_ Eren yelled into the phone. Levi gasped for breath, clinging on to any last bit of life he had.

"E...ren...help h-him...i-inhaler...d-dresser...h-hurry..." Levi gasped. He knew Eren had really bad asthma and him running with his heart being bad too would only make it worse. Farlan pulled on Isabel's arm, leading her away.

"No! Levi get up! Come on!" She screamed as she was practically dragged away.

"B-behave you...two...l-love you...tell m-mom...l-love her...s-sorry... so...v-very sorry..." He apologized softly.

"Stay awake! We're coming back for you!" Farlan called out before they both disappeared.

"E-Eren...stop..." Levi spoke softly to his phone. Eren continued to run and pant.

 _"No! Levi stay awake I'm coming to get you!"_ Eren wheezed softly but he didn't stop.

 _"Eren stop! Think about the baby!"_ Hanji called behind him.

 _"This baby is a part of Levi too! I refuse to let him die. He needs to live, see, love, and grow with this child! Its been our dream! I don't give a damn about how young I am or that I'm in love with another male! None of that matters to me! Only Levi and this child! I can't stop!"_ Eren cried. His voice cracked.

"L-love you...love this c-child...f-for me...I've p-protected you s-so l-long... return t-the favor for o-our child..." Levi's eyes kept closing as he listened to the rhythmic slapping of Eren's bare feet as he ran.

 _"You're helping me! Don't you dare die on me you bastard! Remember how badly you wanted a child! You have one! You can't leave now!"_ Eren panted. The slapping of his feet slowed down as Eren's breathing became ragged and uneven.

"...Sorry..." Levi closed his eyes.

 _"God please... Please bless him."_ Eren's begged. His eyes rolled in the back of his head and he dropped to the floor. Hanji screamed.

 _"Eren! Oh shit! I can't find a pulse! He's not breathing either! Stay with me Eren! Don't die Eren! Open your eyes!"_ Hanji yelled.

 _"Open your eyes!..._

 _Open your eyes!..._

 _Open your eyes!..."_ Hanji's voice echoed as it faded in and out.

 _"Levi. Open your eyes."_ Levi heard Eren's voice, softly coaxing him to open his eyes. Levi opened his eyes and sat up. He was in a white chair in an all white room. A woman with white hair and glasses sat across from him. She looked up and him and smiled.

"You're awake. Well, Levi Ackerman... Welcome to heaven. My name's Rico." She smiled. Levi's eyes widened.

 ** _~.~_**

 ** _Well... That's the first chapter, and it only gets better from there :) Tell me how you guys like the book so far. Next chapter will be posted next Friday. I will also share 3 Tarot cards every chapter until the end of the book. Anyway, I hope you guys will enjoy this book._**

 ** _~Tarot Cards Of The Day~_**

 ** _0 (0) - The Fool:_** ** _The real message here is one of optimism. You must make a leap of faith, taking only the baggage that benefits you, with the ultimate trust that you will make it alright. The Fool encourages you to go beyond your boundaries, to work past your fears, and to believe that anything is possible._**

 ** _I (1) - The Magician: The Magician's lesson is awareness: watch what you bring into your life as well as what you give to others. You have to walk your talk: decide what you want and take action to make your dreams a reality. You alone have the power within you—you need only to concentrate on channeling it to your best advantage._**

 ** _II (2) - The High Priestess: The High Priestess indicates that you are seeking more esoteric knowledge, experiencing a spiritual awakening. The attainment of such wisdom requires discipline. She also reminds you to look for the subtle meanings beyond everyday events. You must listen to your inner voice to hear the truth that lies beyond the shallow, mundane world. Trust your instincts._**


	2. Guardian

**Did** _ **yall like the first chapter? It was so fun to write! Let's get back to where we left off. *bows and walks away***_

 _ ***Trigger Warnings*: Miscarriage - Via beaten to death, Death and abuse - Via beaten to death, Rape and Pedophilia - Via attempted corruption. Please skip the ** parts if you can't handle the triggers.**_

"W-what?" Levi almost yelled.

"Huh? I said welcome to heaven. I'm Rico." She repeated while adjusting her glasses.

"Heaven?! No, no, no... I'm not suppose to be here. Hell, maybe, but not heaven!" His eyes widened.

"No... you're in heaven. Eren forgave you for all of your sins." She sighed.

"What do you mean?! Eren! I have to get to him." Levi stood quickly.

"Please sit down. I will explain everything." Rico adjusted her papers. Levi slowly turned back to her, giving her his full attention. He refused to sit.

"I'll tell you all I know, but it isn't pretty." She sighed. "Eren died for a short amount of time but was quickly revived. Farlan and Isabel made it to the hospital before those thugs did. They explained everything to Hanji and quickly took Eren away and went into hiding." Levi let out a sigh of relief.

"It didn't end there, nor did it end well." She ran her fingers through her hair, unsure if she should keep going.

"What happened?" Levi felt a familiar shiver down his spine. This was really bad.

"Well, they had been in hiding for about six months. One of the two always stayed with Eren as his pregnancy continued. One day, while Farlan was at work... Isabel needed to go shopping. Eren insisted that she go. So she did..." Rico trailed off, her eyes were beginning to water.

"Rico? What happened to Eren?!" Levi yelled. She jumped slightly at the tone but continued talking.

"This is hard for me to tell you. In Heaven, Hell and Purgatory...there is no time. So for you it seemed like a mere few seconds, but it was longer for Eren." She took off her glasses and wiped her eyes.

"Stop dancing around the question at hand! What. Happened. To. Eren!?" Levi growled.

 _ ******_ "It seems the guys were waiting for that one time that he'd be alone. They broke in and attacked him." Levi's eyes widened.

"He didn't even try to protected his head. His main focus was his stomach. He protected it all the way until his last breath. They beat him and left him for dead, by the time Isabel came home... It was too late. No one was there for him to hear his last words." Rico spoke grimly. Her voice barely above a whisper.

"And the baby?" Levi's voice cracked. Rico shook her head.

"Miscarriage." Was all she said before looking down back at her paper while putting on her glasses. Levi fell to his knees in disbelief.

"Eren... my child..." Levi felt his eyes water. This was surprising. Levi never cried for anyone, or any reason. _ ******_

"Levi. Levi, get up please. This isn't like you." Rico got up from her seat before pulling Levi to his feet.

"Isn't like me?! The one I love, and our child are dead! Of course I'm not going to act like myself!" Levi shook his head.

"There is a way to see Eren again. Please sit and listen to me." Levi slowly sat in the chair with his head hung low.

"Now, let me tell you this. Eren is alive and is currently being born by Carla Jaeger. Meaning he will have the same name and features. The only way for you to be with him now is by being his guardian." Rico spoke with full seriousness.

"Meaning?" Levi trailed off, hoping Rico would explain.

"You will stay with Eren and positively effect his choices." Rico explained. "After infancy he won't be able to see you and he doesn't remember the past you two shared. He's a clean slate, and you affect how he will come out."

"Okay? I'm still lost." Levi sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before looking down at his clothes. He jumped slightly when they were all white cause he prefer wearing black.

"Look at your wrists." She pointed to his hands. He looked down and saw medical bracelets up to his forearm on both arms.

"Ever watch A Christmas Carol?" Levi nodded. "These are like the chains. They are your sins."

"I kinda expected more of them." Levi chuckled softly even though he was still broken from the news.

"We're generous." Rico smiled. "Since Eren forgave your sins, you will cover his. If he does give into a sin or temptation, you get a cut. So try to help him avoid that." Rico stood and walked towards Levi.

"If God needs you, you will here a chime. If I need you, you will hear a bell. If Eren needs you, you will hear a sound that fits the situation depending on whats going on." Rico put her finger on his forehead.

"Since he is a newborn he will be able to see you. Once he reaches a proper age he won't be able to see you anymore, you will become a shadow." Levi raised a brow. The silence of the room was broken by the sound of a baby crying.

"Eren is born now. Go see him Levi." Rico smiled before lifting her finger. When Levi blinked he was no longer in the white room, he was at the hospital.

"Its a boy!" The doctor spoke before cutting the cord. Eren cried and Levi felt his heart race. That was his Eren. That small child was the love of his life.

"What's his name?" The doctor asked while wrapping Eren in a green blanket and handing him to Carla.

"Eren. His name is Eren Jaeger." She smiled as she held him. Levi stood to her left and the doctor to her right.

"March 30th. Eren Jaeger," The doctor spoke while signing Eren's birth certificate. "Welcome to the world Eren." He smiled. Slowly, Eren opened his forest green eyes. He closed them quickly and tried again to open them. The first thing he saw was Levi.

"Hello Eren." Levi spoke with a soft smile. Eren giggled at him and Levi couldn't help but to fall in love again.

 ** _~.~.~ 5 years later ~.~.~_**

Levi soon found out that Eren suffered from really bad night terrors and would wake up screaming. Tonight was different. Levi sat in a chair in Eren's room, looking out of the window. The old grandfather clock rang, breaking the silence. On the twelfth chime Eren opened his eyes and turned in his bed. He saw Levi and held his breath.

Levi could feel Eren's heartbeat speed up and he turned to see two green eyes, starring at his steel blue eyes.

"Who are you?" Eren voice whispered.

"Wait, you can see me?" Levi raised a brow. Eren nodded.

"Who are you?" Eren repeated. "Did you come to hurt me and my mum?" Levi could sense Eren's fear.

"No, I promise I won't hurt you or your mum, Eren." Levi assured.

"How do you know my name?" Eren asked softly.

"I'm your guardian angel. My name is Levi." He smiled. Eren slowly climbed out of bed and walked to Levi quietly.

"My guardian angel?" Eren repeated softly. Levi nodded.

"Mum told me when I'm good, adults and angels see a halo over my head, and when I'm bad they see horns. Is that true? What do you see?" Eren's eyes widened with wonder.

"You're a good and very helpful boy. I see a golden halo over your head." Levi lied. He didn't see anything, but he didn't want to hurt Eren's feelings. Plus he knew Eren really was a good boy.

"Really?!" He smiled. Levi heard a small bell ring in his ear. Rico called him.

"Mhm, but you have to go back to bed now. Okay?" Levi ruffled his hair before standing.

"Wait." Eren grabbed the back of his shirt. Levi turned to meet his eyes. "Will I be able to see you again?"

"I'm always here, but if you want to talk, wait until the twelfth chime of the grandfather clock." Levi spoke quietly. Eren nodded and let go of his shirt before walking back to his bed and climbing back into to it.

"Good night Levi." Eren yawned before closing his eyes.

"Night Eren." Levi smiled before climbing on the window seal. When he was sure Eren was asleep, he opened his wings. He made sure to close the window back before flying off.

~.~.~

"Enter." Rico spoke after Levi knocked on the door.

"Ah, Levi. Have seat." She motioned for him to sit down.

"What did I do wrong this time?" Levi sighed with a slight roll of his eyes.

"Relax. You did nothing wrong." Rico smiled.

"Then why'd you call me?" Levi raised a brow while leaning back in the chair.

"First I wanted to give you these." She handed him a deck of cards.

"Cards?" Levi asked while looking through them.

"They're Tarot cards. They can tell the future." She chuckled softly.

"Sure..." Levi trailed off.

"Just try them." She rolled her eyes playfully.

"Okay, and what was the other reason you called me?" Levi raised a brow.

"It seems Eren's eyes are special." She said while tapping the lens of her glasses.

"What do you mean special?" Levi asked.

"Remember five years ago when I said he would be able to see you, but only as an infant?" She reminded.

"Yea." Levi nodded. He remembered that little speech.

"Well, Eren's eyes are special. They can see things that no one else can see. As if he still has the eyes of an infant." She smiled wider.

"No offence, but what does this have to do with me, Rico?" Levi scoffed.

"Don't you get it? You'll be able to talk to Eren and get to know him again. Don't you miss the old him?" Rico stood as she spoke.

"Of course I do! There's not a single second of a everyday that passes by that I don't miss him!" Levi yelled. Causing Rico to sit back down."I miss him so much. I want to hug, kiss and pleasure him, but I can't. Even seeing him now is too much sometimes, but if he can see me and I'll be able to talk to him. Then I'll take that." Levi sighed.

"I'm sorry." Rico spoke softly.

"Its fine. I just wish I could have protected him longer. Long enough to have our child. My little unborn child," Levi shook his head. "Can I leave now?"

"Yes, of course." Rico motioned towards the door. Levi stood and left. Once the door was closed, Rico let out a deep sigh.

"Its been harder than I thought." Rico mumbled softly.

 _ **~.~.~ The next night ~.~.~**_

Eren was fast asleep as Levi could tell from his soft snores and resting heartbeat. Levi continued to sit in his chair by the window, but his focus was on Eren. Was he really going to wake up at midnight just to talk to him?

Levi listened quietly as the grandfather clock rang through the house. As the last chime rung through the house, Eren slowly opened his eyes.

"Levi?" He mumbled softly while turning and facing the raven haired man.

"Wow. You actually woke up? You sleep so heavily that I didn't think you'd hear the clock." Levi spoke with a slight chuckle. Eren slowly climbed out of bed before sitting in the chair across from Levi.

"I had a question, Levi." Eren swung his feet softly as he sat in the chair.

"What is it?" Levi spoke softly since it was late at night.

"How can I see you? No one else can see angels, I asked mum and she said only special people can see them." Eren looked at the moon through his window.

"Well, you just answered your own question. You can see me because you're special. More specifically, your eyes are special." Levi smiled.

"My eyes?" Eren looked back at Levi.

"Mhm." Levi hummed.

"Are your eyes special?" Eren raised a brow.

"Probably not." Levi chuckled.

"I think your eyes are beautiful. They remind me of midnight." Eren smiled.

"You think they're beautiful?" Levi repeated. Eren nodded with a slight yawn.

"Your eyes look better. They look like ocean." Levi poked Eren's nose.

"I've never seen the ocean before. How does it look?" Eren's eyes gleamed.

"It a mixture of green and blue, but your eyes have a little bit of golden in it. Like the sun setting on the ocean." Levi spoke matter of factly.

"I want to see the ocean when I'm older." Eren smiled.

"Then you will, I'll make sure of it." Levi nodded.

"I have one more question, then I'll go back to bed." Eren looked back at his feet.

"Ask away."

"If your an angel...that means you're dead right? Do you remember your life when you were alive?" Eren looked slightly sad. Levi looked down at the medical bracelets on his arms.

"Yes I remember..." Levi spoke softly with sad eyes.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Eren softly grabbed his hand. Levi looked up.

"I'm sorry, Levi." Eren spoke softly.

"Its fine," Levi ruffled his hair. "I'll tell you when you're older. Alright?" Eren nodded.

"You asked your last question, now go to bed." Levi let go of Eren's hand reluctantly. Eren got up and climbed in to bed.

"Can you tuck me in?" Eren smiled under his blanket. Levi stood and walked to him.

"How old are you? 4?" Levi chuckled.

"No, I'm five." Eren held up five fingers. Levi rolled his eyes and pulled the blanket up to Eren's chin.

"There." Levi said.

"Mum normally kisses my forehead." Eren tapped his forehead twice.

"You're really testing the boundaries aren't you?" Levi raised a brow. Eren giggled softly.

"Fine." Levi bent down and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Do you have wings Levi?" Eren asked once Levi stood again.

"I thought the other question was your last question, you little liar." Levi pinched his nose softly.

"Last question!" Eren pouted.

"Alright, alright. Don't get your boxers in a twist. Yes, I have wings. No, you cannot see them." Levi kneeled next to Eren's bed.

"Why can't I see them?" Eren whined.

"Cause I said so." Levi replied simply.

"Please! Pretty please with peaches on top?!" Eren sat up. Levi was taken aback for a moment. He remembered that Eren's favorite fruit were peaches.

"If I show you, will you go to bed?" Levi sighed.

"Yes." Eren nodded.

"Close your eyes real quick." Levi laid his head on Eren's bed and watched the small child close his eyes. In a split second, two white wings grew from his back.

"Open them." Levi tapped Eren's knee. Eren slowly opened his eyes and gasped at the wings.

"They're so pretty! May... May I touch them?" Eren put his hand out cautiously. Levi nodded silently and watched Eren softly run his fingers along the feathers.

"You like them?" Levi raised a brow. Eren nodded.

"How do they feel?" Levi asked.

"So soft." Eren spoke, not removing his eyes from the wings.

"I'm glad you like them," Levi spoke before his wings disappeared. "Now go to sleep."

"Goodnight Levi." Eren yawned before laying down and closing his eyes. Levi walked and sat back in his chair.

"Levi?" Eren spoke while still facing the wall.

"Go to bed, brat." Levi sighed.

"I lied, I have one last question. I promise." Eren continued to look at the wall.

"What is it?" Levi sighed again.

"You do remember your past life right? When you were alive, I mean."

"Yea."

"Was there anything you really wanted or really wanted to do that you didn't get to do?" Eren spoke softly. Levi thought for a moment. Should he really be telling a little kid this? There's nothing wrong with his question so Levi felt no need _not_ to answer it.

"Mhm," Levi hummed. "I wanted a child. I had everything else I wanted." Levi shrugged.

"If you want, I have no problem with you treating me like a child." Eren turned over and smiled.

"You will once you get older, but I don't want to treat you like a child. You're too old for that." Levi looked over at Eren.

"I'm only five." Eren reminded.

"See? You're too old. Now go to sleep." Levi rolled his eyes playfully. Eren let out a deep yawn.

"Good night." Eren mumbled softly before closing his eyes.

"Night." Levi replied.

 _ **~.~.~ 3 years later ~.~.~**_

It had became a nightly tradition between Eren and Levi. As soon as the twelfth chime of the grandfather clock rang through the house, Eren would get up and talk with Levi. Until it reached the day before Eren's 8th birthday.

Levi sat in Eren's room, it was close to midnight so Levi sat waiting until he heard a bell. Rico had called him. He let out a deep sigh before standing and climbing out of the window. It wouldn't take him long to get back. Within a minute or two he had walked to the building where she was. He was quickly was met with a commotion of all the angels. Rico came out and walked by Levi.

"What's going on?" Levi asked.

"It's Annie. She's committed all seven deadly sins." Rico shook her head.

"Seven deadly sins?" Levi raised a brow.

"Avarice, Envy, Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Lust and Pride." Rico spoke while trying to look into the crowd.

"What are all of them?"

"Avarice is extreme greed for wealth or material items. Envy is the resentful longing for something someone else has. Wrath is extreme anger. Sloth is reluctance to work or make an effort."

"Gluttony is habitual greed or excess in eating. Lust is strong sexual desire and Pride is a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired."

"And she did all of them. It effected the person she was watching. So much that they committed suicide. Meaning they won't be accepted into heaven." Rico sighed deeply.

"Why would someone want to do that?" Levi asked, slightly irritated that someone who was suppose to _guard_ someone ended up causing their demise.

"Its normally a one way street. If the person sins, the angel gets the mark. Annie on the other hand was the one who sinned. It drove her person crazy, making them want the worst possible thing. God bless their soul." Rico made the sign of the cross across her chest.

Levi slightly pushed his way to the front where he saw Annie. Her hair was a messy, after-sex look. He clothes showed to much skin and she has hickey's littering her body. Her arms were scattered with bloody slits and blood dripped from her arms to the floor where she sat.

She was chained to the floor and surely wasn't happy about it. She glared at no one in particular, until the higher up angels came through from the crowd. One stood in front and behind her.

"Annie Leonhardt." The first one spoke. She lifted her head and tilted it to the left. She licked her lips slowly before speaking.

"Yes?" She purred. Levi want to vomit at how much of a slut she was acting like.

"For breaking the rules of the Bible and commencing in all seven deadly sins, resulting in the death and suicide of your person, you are hereby stripped of your authority of an angel and sentence to hell where you will live for the rest of eternity in complete damnation." The second one spoke. He kneeled by her and cut the back of her shirt.

"Go ahead and reveal my breasts. Many guys have already seen it. I don't mind a few more." She chuckled as her shirt fell to her wrists. The angel ran his fingers along the muscles of her back where her wings hid. Once he did, large slits ran down her back.

She screamed out in agony as her wings struggled for freedom. Finally, they broke through the skin, spilling blood over the floor. She panted at the pain but stood her ground.

"May you rot in hell." The first one spoke again. A black circle surrounded Annie before rising up the the ceiling. She cried out in pain again as her white wings turned black. No one batted an eye as she screamed and cried. Yet she never begged for mercy.

"Fuck you! Fuck all of you cock-sucking bastards! May the creatures of hell break free! Raping and killing everything in sight! I will not bow down to the mercy of you cunts!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. Her eyes drifted to Levi and she smirked. Everything around the two went black, leaving only her and Levi.

 ** _**_** "What the fuck?!" Levi stepped back slowly.

"Levi Ackerman." She spoke softly as her black wings flapped slowly, like the wings of a raven.

"What do you want? What is wrong with you?! How could you make your person commit suicide?! They're going to hell now, and there is no way out for them!" Levi yelled.

"So what?" She looked over, eyes dull. "So what if the fucker committed suicide? One less person on Earth. As for you, you're protecting the one you love?" Levi's eyes widened.

"Bingo." She smirked. "Do you ever miss fucking him?" She bit her lip.

"W-what?" Levi stuttered.

"Do you every miss fucking him? Hearing him moan. Seeing him cum, drool, pant and scream. Seeing his lust-driven eyes as you fuck him mercilessly. Do you ever miss it?" She raised a brow.

"Why?" Levi growled.

"I bet even now you want to fuck him," Annie stuck out her tongue and slowly licked her lips. "You don't care that he's a child. You only want the pleasure you've been craving for the past 8 years. Just do it, he's smaller than you. It won't take much just to push him down and fuck him into submission. Its a great feeling." Annie laughed the creepiest laugh Levi has ever heard. _ ******_

"Levi!" Rico slapped Levi across the cheek. Levi stumbled and fell.

"What?" He looked around to see everyone still around Annie as she continued to scream bloody murder.

"What did you see?" Rico growled. She grabbed his arm before dragging him away. He looked back at Annie only to see her smiling. She looked at Levi before mouthing something.

 _I'll see you again, Levi. The child will be mine._

Levi's eyes widened again before he was drug out of sight.

"What did she just say?!" He stood before trying to reach for the doorknob.

"Levi sit down and tell me what you saw!" Rico yelled. Levi sighed before sitting down.

"She only talked about Eren." He mumbled.

"What did she tell you to do?" Rico replied.

"What?" Levi raised a brow.

"What did she tell you to do?! She's a corrupt angel and will have no problem dragging someone down with her. What. Did. She. Tell. You. To. Do!" Rico yelled.

"She told me to have sex with Eren. Despite the fact that he's still a child." Levi mumbled softly.

"Did you consider it?!" She plopped in her chair with a deep huff.

"No! Why would I do that!" Levi growled.

"She had a strong influence on you. You were completely out of it." Rico sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Why did you call me? Its about to be Eren's birthday and I want to wish him a good birthday." Levi rolled his eyes.

"I called you _because_ of Eren. He's getting to that age where he's not suppose to see you. You need to make him forget you." Rico sighed while pushing up her glasses to rub the bridge of her nose.

"What?!" Levi stood abruptly, making his chair fall back. "You want me to make him forget me? After everything we've been through?!" Levi felt like his heart would snap in two.

"He won't completely forget you. You will seem like a dream or faded memory. You can block his eyes too, so he won't see you." Rico looked up at Levi as he stood.

"Why? Answer me that! Why does he have to forget me?!" Levi yelled. He stopped when his voice cracked. Showing his true feelings.

"Don't be upset. This is to help Eren, if he keeps knowing you, than he'll never want to live and grow up. Levi, you have to." She sighed heavily. Levi shook his head slightly before exiting the room silently. Rico sighed and leaned back in her chair.

~.~.~

Levi climbed back through the window as the last chime rung through the house. Waking the bright eyed brunet.

"Levi?" He mumbled while sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Hey Eren." Levi replied while closing the window. He sat down in the window seal. Eren climbed out of bed and stumbled to Levi.

"We're have talent show at school later." Eren smiled lazily, too tired to pay attention.

"Oh? Are you preforming?" Levi asked. Eren nodded.

"What's your talent?" Levi raised a brow.

"Dancing. Its really fun! Promise you'll see it?" Eren looked up with puppy dog eyes.

"Alright, I promise." Levi chuckled.

"Anyway, today is my birthday!" Eren smiled happily.

"I know. I have a present for you." Levi tried his best to hide his sadness for what he had to do. Eren sat on the floor at his feet.

"What is it?" Eren's tired eyes gleamed.

"Have you been getting sleep Eren?" Levi asked while noticing the bags and dark circles under his eyes.

"Yea." Eren looked at his feet. Levi noticed the tips of Eren's ears go red, but decided it was nothing.

"Here." Levi held out a brown bear with green eyes. On the left foot had a heart with the letter _L_ stitched into it.

"A bear?!" Eren's eyes gleamed as he grabbed the bear.

"Mhm. His name is Levi. Take good care of him." Levi smiled.

"I will! I promise!" Eren hugged the bear.

"Can you make me another promise?" Levi hung his head low. Eren nodded excitedly.

"Promise you'll remember me..."

"Huh?" Eren raised a brow. Levi motioned him closer. Eren crawled before sitting on his knees in front of Levi.

 _"_ _Just do it, he's smaller than you. It won't take much just to push him down and fuck him into submission. Its a great feeling."_ Annie's words replayed in his head as the brunet sat at his knees. Levi shook his head. He couldn't. He loved and cared for Eren too much for him to force him into something like that.

"Promise me that you'll remember me, cause you're not allowed to see me anymore." Levi bit his lip to keep his feelings in.

"What?!" Eren quickly stood. "I don't want to forget you! You are my best friend, you're like my Onii-chan!" Eren's eyes began to water.

"Please don't cry." Levi begged while hugging the brunet. He didn't care if it was inappropriate. Eren was crying, and Levi hated seeing him cry. Whether it was him as an adult or him as a child. He couldn't bare to see him cry.

"Please don't leave me, Levi!" Eren hiccuped and sobbed.

"I'm sorry Eren. Don't forget me. Please." Levi ran his fingers through Eren's hair. Eren went silent as Levi began to alter his memories. Removing himself from them.

"I don't want to lose you...again..." Eren mumbled into Levi's chest. Levi's eyes widened.

"A-again?" Levi asked, but it was too late. Eren's memory was altered and he fell fast asleep in Levi's arms. Levi took deep, yet shaky breaths. He ran his fingers across Eren's delicate eye lids. They glowed momentarily before fading again.

"There. You won't know or see me." Levi spoke while picking Eren up in a bridal style. Eren whined softly in his sleep but didn't wake as Levi put him in bed and pulled up the covers while giving him a soft peck on the forehead.

"Happy birthday Eren." He whispered silently.

 _ **~.~**_

 _ **I'm so evil, I know. I know, but it will only get sadder from here. I assure you that. Today is April Fool's Day, make sure you prank someone good. I hope you enjoyed! Until next Friday! Love you guys!**_

 _ **~Neko**_

 _ **~Tarot Cards Of The Day~**_

 _ **III (3) - The Empress:**_ ** _The Empress teaches you to use loving, caring ways to accomplish your goals without losing your power. You must put your heart and soul into your undertakings, and cultivate your talents, but retain your control over the situation. Do not let yourself become either too easily swayed or too inflexible. Above all, you are the best barometer of what is right for you. Use your judgement._**

 ** _IV (4) - The Emperor: The Emperor teaches you to rely on reason and logic to tackle the situation. To gain control, you must exhibit responsibility, maturity, and other leadership capabilities. This is a good time to review your strategy, examine your options, consider your actions, and make sure they are in line with your personal code of ethics._**

 ** _V (5) - The Hierophant: If your situation involves your career, the Hierophant indicates employment in a large corporation with strict requirements and expectations. The Hierophant symbolizes a knowledge of rules, regulations, customs, and the acceptable methods used in the situation - but does not restrict you to those traditional answers. You may have to go outside of the standards when it is in your own best interest to do so._**


	3. Tsunami

_**Have I made you cry yet? If not, Then I surely will. One way or another. Anyway, enjoy yet another chapter! I'm trying to explain a dance I came up with for this song, so bear with me. The dance is pretty good. ^.^ Song used for Eren's performance: Tsunami - Martin Garrix (Nightcore version)**_

 _ ***Trigger Warning*: Self Harm - via cutting wrists, Terrible dance - via Neko being a weirdo. SKIP THE DANCE! Please skip the ** parts if you can't handle the trigger.**_

"Rico, I have to go!" Levi sighed as Rico set the cards along the desk.

"What's the big rush?" She spoke well setting down the last card. She folded her hands and set her chin on top of them.

"I told you already. Eren is performing and I promised that I would see it." Levi let out a heavy sigh.

"He doesn't even remember you making that promise. Its okay to break it." Rico reminded.

"He may not remember, but _I_ do. I refuse to break that promise." Levi stood.

"Two cards and that's it. You can go without complaint. Just one card for you and one for Eren. Deal?" Rico smiled.

"Fine. Two cards and I'm leaving." He mumbled as he sat down.

"Eren is first." She closed her eyes for a moment before picking a random card. She lifted it between her index and middle finger. She looked at it for a moment before flipping it so Levi could see.

"Tarot card number III (3). The Empress." Rico smiled while showing off the card.

"Meaning?" Levi raised a brow. Rico set the card to the side before she spoke.

"Meaning, The Empress teaches you to use loving, caring ways to accomplish your goals without losing your power. You must put your heart and soul into your undertakings, and cultivate your talents, but retain your control over the situation. Do not let yourself become either too easily swayed or too inflexible. Above all, you are the best barometer of what is right for you. Use your judgement." Rico spoke softly.

"So Eren is going to be given a choice?" Levi asked.

"Precisely." Rico nodded.

"And its up to him to choose his decision?" Levi asked next.

"Yes. Yet it's different than Tarot card number II (2). The High Priestess. That card just says that there is a decision that will eventually need to be made. Its up to your own choice and self awareness of knowing if your choice was right or wrong."

Rico spoke matter of factly before grabbing another card between her index and middle finger. She looked at it for a moment before turning it towards Levi.

"This is yours, Levi. You have Tarot card number XI (11). Justice." She set the card down next to Eren's. "Let me guess, you need an explanation?" Levi nodded.

"Justice urges you to examine your past, and how the actions of your past have brought you to your present. In doing this, you realize how what you do right now will influence who you become in the future. You must accept that your present situation is one you helped create. In doing so, you can cut through the illusion of events to the wisdom you should be gaining from them. You can then begin to consciously take action to manifest better situations in your future. That is what this card means." Rico sat back in her chair.

"That sounds about right." Levi nodded.

"And eventually everyone will go through card XX (20). Judgement." Before Levi even asked what it meant, Rico explained.

"Judgement denotes a milestone in the development of your soul. You have walked through fire, and come out of it transformed, and renewed. You are now liberated from your past, and this card marks your awareness of this freedom. Now is a good time to make the change complete. You may want to honor and mark your change in some way, major or minor. Acknowledging that you have reached this point and releasing any leftover negative reminders from the "old" you are the final steps in the process." Rico than put all the cards back together in random order.

"Think about what I have said today. Anyway, go see Eren. You promised him didn't you?" She smiled while handing Levi back his deck of cards.

"Uh, yes, I did." Levi stood and took the cards before walking out the room.

"You did good today Rico. You deserve a cookie." Rico smiled before grabbing a box of cookies from her drawer.

~.~.~

Levi stood in the back of the gym. He didn't really need to since no one could see him, but he just decided to. He watched every other kid preform. From Mikasa's karate to Armin's flower crown making. Eren was last to go.

"Alright, now on to our final presenter. Everyone give a round of applause to Eren Jaeger!" His teacher announced before walking off the stage. Eren walked in and stood in the middle of the stage before tilting his head down. Looking at his feet. He wore a white mask that had green doll eyes painted on and thick black ductape covered the mouth piece. His hood was up on his green hoodie so you couldn't see his hair.

 _ ***SKIP THE DANCE***_ Levi raised a brow as to what Eren was planning. The lights dimmed as the lights on the stage brightened. The beat began playing to the song, but Eren stood still.

He continued to stand as the bass played out. It dropped to a faster tempo and he lifted his head. He waited until it slowed back down before he moved. He slowly moved his arms and body, as if he was a robot.

"Tsunami." He spoke. A smile hid behind his mask. "Go!" He jumped forward and threw his hands in the air. He brought them back down before placing his hands against his chest than out to his sides. Levi raised a brow at Eren's movements. They seemed pretty professional for an eight year old to have come up with them.

He put his hands on his hips before shaking them, twisting his body the the right before moving his hands to the sides of his head.

"Go!" He whipped his body back to its original position. He moved his hands downward in front of him, motioning to the crowd. He moved his arms back down in front of his mask. Levi watched, amazed at how wrapped in his dancing everyone was.

He stepped forward before touching the ground and bringing his body up with a hop. He saluted before giving a spin.

"Go!" He fist pumped the air before bringing his hands back to cover the eyes of his mask. He brought them back to his sides and tilted his head to the left.

"Go!" He rocked his hips as he walked forward on the stage. He then placed his hands on each shoulder before crossing them, he then bent down and tapped his foot. He put each arm up to the beat before putting his fist on his hips. He repeated this until the beat slowed again. Then he dropped to his knees.

"Nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami, nami na nami na nami na nami. **_(Is done pretty fast. Listen to the nightcore version. Its literally this many times -_- .)_** " Eren sung while slowly standing back on his feet, moving like a puppet on strings. The beat picked back up again and Eren moved faster. He moved his hands to his head, then his shoulder, then his side and down to his hips before rocking his body once before going back to fist pumping the air.

Everyone was into the dance and were tapping the beat. Levi couldn't help but to nod his head to the beat as well.

"Tsunami! Go!" Eren chuckled before moving his body to the left and moving his arm back behind his back before twisting and shaking his hips. He stepped back and moved his arms like an X over his body. He moved his arms out the his sides before bending them so his fists were by his head. He brought them down in an X motion again. He repeated this four times before pointing back out to the crowd and they all yelled go.

Eren hopped from side to side while moving his head to the beat for the rest of the song. He spun and dropped back to his knees so he looked like a doll. His mask completed the look as the lights dimmed on the stage. The eyes of the mask glowed before the curtains closed. Everyone stood before clapping and cheering. **_(That was hard to write! The dance its self is more so whole body movements and is a lot longer and more complicated than that, but I had to take into account that Eren is both a boy and is only 8. The struggle... I hope you liked and understood the dance. I made it myself ^~^)*SKIP THE DANCE*_**

"That's my baby!" Carla yelled while waving her camera.

"Turn off the camera before you break it." Grisha sighed while removing the camera from his wife's hands. Eren snuck back to his seat by his parents before removing the mask.

"How was I mom?" Eren panted softly.

"Amazing, little usagi." She ruffled his hair. Eren smiled and laid back in his chair. He has been working on that dance for a month and he was exhausted. Eren's teacher walked back on stage and everyone went silent.

"Okay, I just got the results back from the judges. And the winner of Shiganshina Elementary's talent show is... Eren Jaeger!" She announced with a smile. Eren's eyes widened as a smile graced his lips.

"My baby won!" Carla snatched the camera back from Grisha and turned it on before pointing it at Eren.

"Go on stage, my little usagi." She smiled. Eren nodded before climbing out of his chair. He walked to the stage with a nervous smile as everyone clapped and cheered for him. Once on stage, he was handed a trophy.

"Would you like to say anything Eren?" His teacher asked. Eren nodded and she held the microphone for him.

"U-um... I would like to say thank you for enjoying my dance. Dancing has always been something I loved and will continue to love doing it. I would like to thank my parents for always being there for me. My friends for being my friends. I will also like to thank L-" Eren's brows furrowed. He knew the name, but couldn't say it.

"What was his name?" Eren mumbled softly so he couldn't be heard. His hands trembled. He forgot it, his best friend. What was wrong with him? How could he forget his best friend! He doesn't even remember how he looked. Eren could feel tears prickle his eyes.

"T-thank you everyone." He spoke quickly before walking off the stage. Everyone clapped for him as he went back to his seat.

"What's wrong little usagi?" His mom ran her finger through his hair. He began to sob and hiccup.

"I can't remember! I-I can't remember my best friend! I forgot him!" Eren clung to his mother's shirt. She sighed before handing the trophy to Grisha and picking Eren up. They began to walk to the doors with other crowds of people, until they stopped.

"Huh?" Carla turned around.

"Hello, I'm Nile Dok. I work for a company who turns little prodigy's such as your son, into super stars." He handed her a card. Grisha grabbed it since her hands were full.

"I think I've heard of you." She said while patting Eren's head.

"I'm flattered. I came to give you a proposition. With your permission, and some legal documents, I can turn Eren into the next big thing. With tours, money and audiences. What do you say?" He smiled.

"I think its a great idea! When do we sign?" Grisha smiled.

"Grisha," Carla sent him a glare. "This is a choice that only Eren can make. And he should be the _only_ one to make that choice." She spoke.

"Little usagi, what do you want to do?" She spoke softly in his ear.

"I don't wanna do it. I don't dance for the money or popularity. I do it because its fun and I love to do it. I refuse to be used like that and be forced to dance. I dance how I want and when I want. I won't be persuaded any other way." Eren mumbled. Everyone's eyes widened. Including Levi.

"J-just think about it Eren." Grisha coaxed.

"Yea little man. The sky is the limit." Nile chuckled.

"I did. That is my answer. Ask me again in ten years and _maybe_ my answer will change." Eren spoke back slightly irritated. "And don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are foot prints on the moon." Eren hissed. Both men went silent.

"You heard my little usagi." Carla smiled and walked past the two men. Eren looked up and saw a figure. He couldn't see all the details but he did see a familiar smile.

"L-?" Eren felt his tears return.

"Its okay usagi. I'm always here for you." Carla spoke softly.

"Always." He griped her shirt.

 _ **~.~.~ 6 years later ~.~.~**_

"Eren get up or you will be late!" Carla called up the stairs of their new house.

"Mmnnn... five more minutes!" Eren groaned and turned over. Someone ran up the stairs and kicked the door open.

"What the fuck?!" Eren yelled as Mikasa yanked off the blanket.

"Language!" Carla yelled.

"Sorry mom!" Eren apologized before glaring at Mikasa.

"What was that for?!" He growled. Irritated that he was woken up.

"So you would get up for school." She replied with a blank expression.

"Don't go yanking off people's blankets! I could have been naked!" Eren grumbled. Mikasa pulled up her scarf and looked away. Her cheeks were a slight pink.

"Alright. Just hurry and come downstairs. Armin and I are waiting for you. By the way Eren," She turned and began walking to the door.

"What?" Eren huffed.

"You're hard." She then closed the door and bound back down the stairs.

"I'm what?" He looked down.

~.~.~

"Wahhhh!" Eren hit the floor.

"I hope he's okay." Carla said while handing Grisha a plate of breakfast.

"I'm sure he's fine." Armin assured while reading his book. Mikasa came and sat back down with a loud sigh.

"Eren is a complicated as ever. Armin, go talk to him." Armin nodded before walking up the stairs. All he could hear was music. He knocked on the door and Eren gave him permission to enter.

"Eren are you going to hurry?" Armin asked while looking at Eren's phone. Seeing what song is playing.

"Maybe." Eren called from the bathroom. He sat in ice cold water.

"TRNDSTTR? Is this a new song that you're working on a dance for?" Armin asked while making up Eren's bed, since he knew the brunet wouldn't do it himself.

"Yea. Its the Lucian version. I love how the beat changes up. I have some good ideas for it." Eren let out the water and wrapped a towel around his waist.

"I can't wait to see this one." Armin set Eren's uniform by the bathroom door.

"You can help out if you want. I'm going to practice it after school today." Eren opened the door slightly to pull his clothes in before closing it back.

"I'd love to." Armin continued to straighten up Eren's room. Also pressing repeat on the song. Eren came out and threw his clothes in the laundry basket.

"Thanks, but you don't have to clean my room every time you com over." Eren chuckled while grabbing his backpack. He grabbed his phone off theaux cord before plugging his headphones and putting one in his ear. He sat on his bed and began to put on his shoes.

"Why were you in a cold bath?" Armin asked while scrolling through his phone.

"How do you know it was cold?" Eren raised a brow.

"Your teeth chattered as you spoke." Armin shrugged.

"Reasons." Eren blushed and looked away.

"Puberty?" Armin looked up at Eren, than back at his phone. Eren didn't answer as he tied his first shoe.

"You don't need to sit in an ice cold bath, freezing your balls of. Do you ever pay attention in health class?" Armin lifted his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"No, I don't pay attention." Eren admitted while putting on his other shoe.

"Then what do you do?" Armin almost dropped his phone.

"Listen to music and look out the window." Eren shrugged while tying his shoe and standing.

"I'm not even going to ask." Armin shook his head and began walking out of the room. Eren set his bear in the middle of his bed.

"Bye L. I'll see you later." Eren waved at the bear before walking out of his room and down the stairs.

"Morning mom." Eren walked in the kitchen and pecked her cheek before looking in the cabinet for a plastic fork.

"Morning usagi. Grab a bagel or something, cause you don't have time to eat breakfast." Carla sighed while stirring her tea. Eren grabbed a can of peaches out of the fridge before opening the pull top and throwing it away.

"I have peaches." Eren ate one out of the can.

"You can't eat peaches everyday of your life Eren." His mom chuckled.

"But they're so yummy~" Eren whine with a slight laugh.

"Your mom is right Eren." Grisha spoke up. Eren narrowed his eyes and quickly walked to the door.

"Bye mom. I'll be at the dance studio after school. I'll be back by 5, maybe." Eren spoke while waiting for Armin and Mikasa to walk out.

"I'll be at work until 10. And your dad won't be back until midnight. There's leftovers or you can cook something for dinner. And put on a scarf. Its still winter season and its suppose to snow today." She called down the stairs.

"Okay. Bye mom!" Eren waved with his free hand.

"Bye usagi." She smiled as he closed the door.

"He's always dancing." Grisha grumbled.

"There is nothing wrong with that." Carla smiled as she poured out her tea and rinsed out the cup.

"What if he turns out to be gay?" Grisha raised a brow.

"Then that's fine," Carla narrowed her brows. "There is nothing wrong with Eren. He's a proper young male."

"He's choices aren't always the best." Grisha sighed.

"Are you kidding me?" Carla scoffed. "He does amazing in school, he has many friends and he isn't going around having sex like some other kids his age. There is nothing wrong with anything he's doing! He's your son and you need to learn to like his choices." Carla began walking up the stairs, but stopped.

"And if Eren does turn out to be gay, I'll accept him and his choices. He's my little usagi no matter what." Carla shook her head and walked upstairs.

~.~.~

Eren had his headphones in while looking out of the window. He watched the snow fall as the song Radioactive by Imagine Dragons, played through his headphones. He was completely oblivious of anything around him. The health lesson went unnoticed to him. Until Armin tapped his shoulder.

Eren pulled out a headphone and sent Armin a questioning look. Armin then pointed at their teacher.

"Can you answer the question Eren?" She asked. Eren's heart dropped to his feet.

"Can you repeat the question please?" Eren asked, hoping he retained some knowledge from the homework.

"Of course. I said which organ is directly linked to hormones?" She repeated. Eren looked at his desk for a moment before answering.

"The pituitary gland?" Eren said in more of a questioning manner than and answering one.

"Correct. Which _body parts_ produce these hormones?" She raised a brow. Eren wanted to slam his head into a desk. Why did he have to answer all the weird questions? Eren took a deep sigh before letting it out and answering.

"Ovaries for females and testes for males." Eren spoke before looking out the window.

"Good. Someone's been doing there homework. Now, we're going to watch a short clip about hormones." She smiled before walking to turn off the lights. Eren dropped his head on the desk with a thud.

"Don't give yourself a concussion Eren." She sighed while turning off the light.

"Yes ma'am." Eren turned his head to the side to watch the video.

"Eren, you're so over dramatic. You used to love this stuff. Sex to be specific." Levi said while standing by the window. Of course no one heard or saw him. His shadow didn't even show up on the floor.

"You used to know him?" Someone's guardian asked. Levi nodded.

"That's sweet. Now you're protecting him. He's such a sweet boy." She smiled.

"Thanks. I try my best with him, but he's not going to stay innocent forever. He got a first hand glimpse at that this morning." Levi sighed. Eren shuddered at the video and Levi chuckled.

"He... Oh! Oh... alrighty then." She chuckled.

"He thought there was something wrong," Levi shook his head. "He's so innocent." Levi pulled a random Tarot card out of his deck.

"Number X (10) Wheel of Fortune." Levi spoke while looking at the card.

"Rico gave you those?" The other angel looked at the card.

"Mhm." Levi nodded.

"She only gives those to people who die multiple times for the same person." She said.

"So I've died for Eren multiple times." Levi smiled and looked down at the card.

"Do you need the meaning of the card?" She asked. Levi nodded.

"The Wheel of Fortune indicates situations in your life that are coming to a close, as well as new opportunities coming to replace them. Major life decisions and milestones are coming, and some have just passed," She smiled. "Eren will eventually change due to a situation."

"A good one or bad one?" Levi raised a brow.

"Depends on his recent behavior. Know that much and you'll know his future situation." Levi nodded. Levi's eyes widened as a shiver went down his spine. Something bad was about to happen.

"Any questions?" His teacher asked. Eren was first to raise his hand. Levi gripped his shirt, something really bad was going to happen.

"Are you okay?" The other angel asked. Levi shook his head, but he kept his eyes on Eren.

"What if you aren't sexually attracted to girls. Cause I'm not." Eren blinked twice. The whole room went silent.

"Was that it?" She asked.

"No." Levi panted while gripping his shirt tighter.

"Then you are gay. Meaning you're sexually attracted to boys." She spoke.

"That's disgusting!" One boy yelled. Eren's eyes widened and Levi fell to the floor.

"Fuck... I can feel his heart.." Levi panted.

"H-how..." Eren dropped his head.

"That's enough. There's no-" The teacher began.

"Cause you like boys! Boys are suppose to like girls." Another boy spoke up.

"Both can get pregnant so I see nothing wrong with it!" Eren stood, his eyes pricked with tears.

"Its... okay Eren... Relax..." Levi spoke soflty, but it wasn't getting through to Eren.

"I said stop!" The teacher tried again, but her words went unnoticed.

"That's not the point! The point is its disgusting and wrong!" A girl spoke up this time. Eren panted before tossing his supplies in his backpack and running out the class.

"Its hurts..." Levi mumbled. "He's hurting so much..."

"Do you want me to get Rico?" The other angel spoke. Levi shook his head.

"Just open the window." Levi slowly stood. She opened the window and Levi climbed out.

~.~.~

"Enter." Rico announced at the knock. Levi walked in and dropped to the floor, gripping his shirt.

"Levi!" Rico quickly walked and kneeled by Levi before pulling him into a chair. She closed the door and sat down in the chair.

"Levi what's wrong?" Rico asked.

"Eren... His heart... hurts..." Levi felt tears running down his face. He wasn't sad at all. Not even hurting. He was crying for no reason.

"What did Eren do? I had to do with something you two shared." Rico handed him a cookie. Levi sent her a questioning look.

"Eren said that he was gay. Then was talked down on. He grabbed his thing and ran out of the class." Levi felt another deep shudder run down his spine.

"How long ago was this?" Rico's eyes widened.

"Maybe... 15 minutes..." Levi panted harder.

"Go to him now." Rico stood.

"Huh?" Levi's eyes widened.

"That shudder, you feel when something is wrong with him?" Rico nodded. Levi nodded too.

"As it gets aggressive, so will his feelings. He'll be blind to feeling. You have to go to him." Rico spoke quickly.

"Alright. I-" Levi stopped when he felt his wrists burn. He moved the bracelets and saw deep red cuts. They bleed and quickly closed before turning into scars.

"W-what. What the fuck did he just do?" Levi growled. He didn't even care about anything anymore. Eren was always good and never sinned. Levi was beyond pissed at Eren.

"H-he sinned?" Rico covered her mouth. Levi quickly stood and walked out.

 _ **~.~.~ Eren P.O.V ~.~.~**_

"M-mom?!" Eren cried as he ran in the house. Panting harshly from the run home.

"Oh yea..." Eren remembered that she wouldn't be home, nor would his father be. He walked up the stairs before walking to his bedroom bathroom. He dropped his backpack before climbing in the tub and sitting there. He pulled his knees to his chest.

"What's wrong with being gay? Nothing... right?" Eren gripped his hair and pulled it, but he didn't feel it.

"There has to be something wrong with me." Eren threw his fist against the wall. He expected it to hurt, but he still felt nothing. Eren zoned out after that. He reached for his backpack before unzipping it.

 ** _*_** He poured everything on the floor before grabbing his pencil pouch. He unzipped that as well and pulled out a pair of scissors. He leaned back in the tub and pulled up his sleeves on both hands. He then placed the cool steel against his wrist, pushing down it until it bled before moving the scissors to the right. Opening a cut. He didn't feel it, even as the blood ran down his arm and sleeve.

He moved it about a centimeter down before repeating the process. Once his left arm was scattered with bloody cuts he moved to the right arm. Repeating the process.

"So much blood, yet no pain?" Eren mumbled lazily. He climbed out of the tub and walked over his bag and out of the bathroom. He headed down the hall to the main bathroom before grabbing the first aid kit and carrying it back to his room. Not caring about the trail of fresh blood he was making.

He walked in his room before setting it on the bed. He then looked at his wrists and frowned. He vision quickly grew blurry and his knees grew weak.

"Damn... I fucked it up. It'll be better next time." Eren smiled before passing out and hitting the ground. Unconscious as he began to bleed out. ** _*_**

~.~.~

"Eren?" Levi climbed through the window. The first thing that caught his eye, was the trail of blood leading from the bathroom and hallway. "Eren?..." Levi carefully walked over to the other side of the bed where Eren laid.

"Oh my god, Eren!" Levi dropped to Eren's side. He flipped the brunet over and looked at his wrists. "Eren, why?" Levi picked Eren up and started running some bath water. Yet he didn't put the stopper down. He undressed Eren and carefully set him in the tub.

"Fuck, Eren. Why would you do this?" Levi asked while washing the blood off of Eren. He dried him and wrapped his wrists in a gauze before dressing him and setting him carefully in bed. He pulled up the covers and pecked his forehead like when Eren was younger.

He went off to clean up the blood, which was a substantial amount. He went off to wash Eren's clothes. As they washed he sat by Eren's bedside.

"Eren, why? Why would you do this to yourself? You've never been suicidal, you could have died you bastard! Your parents won't be home for a while and everyone else is still in school! If you died..." Levi bit his lip in frustration. "If you had died again, I wouldn't forgive myself! It my job to protect you, to guide you. Why would you do this?You know there's nothing wrong with being gay!" Levi laid his head on Eren's bed.

"I loved you with all my heart, and I will continue to love and protect you. Fuck what anyone else has to say. Even if the whole world is against you,know that you still have me." Levi sighed and stood as the dryer buzzed, signaling that Eren's uniform was done drying. Levi then folded it and placed it at the edge of Eren's bed before cleaning up the bathroom.

He cleaned the scissors and placed them back in Eren's bag while putting all the contents back in. He placed the bag by his bed and went back to clean up the blood. He walked back into the bathroom and stopped. His eyes widened at what he saw. A single black feather.

 _"Annie?..."_

 ** _Y'all miss me? Sorry, I've been busy and I'm about to move. Like damn, a lot ha been going on. And for the comments on 50 Shades of Riren... YES! I will get to the actual BDSM! Give it about 2 chapters. That story takes the longest to update. Fuck. Sorry, lol. I was just ever so slightly irratated at that. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Don't forget to review._**

 ** _~Tarot Cards Of The Day~_**

 ** _VI (6) - The Lovers:_** ** _The Lovers card symbolizes relationships, and harmonious interaction - both within the self and without. Love is playing a crucial role in your life right now, and a decision may be weighing heavily on your mind. The angel is thought to be Raphael, bringing healing to the situation. This symbolizes a need to mend fences, or heal yourself from a relationship that cannot be salvaged. Look to your heart, and decide what it is you truly desire—what you need to make yourself whole._**

 ** _VII (7) - The Chariot: The Chariot denotes victory over the extremes in your life through balance, self-control, and the enforcement of your True Will. It can indicate success in the battle against old patterns and vices. By grounding and centering yourself, you can get a handle on your situation. Mentally take the reins. Utilizing the power of your mind, you can chart the course to your goals._**

 ** _VIII (8) - Strength: The Strength card encourages you to get control over your anger through an understanding of where it comes from. This card can indicate a need to change your approach to difficulties and issues with others as well. By seeking first to understand and accept the more negative aspects of yourself and others, your situation can be managed more effectively, and with more beneficial results for everyone involved._**


	4. A Wolf in Sheep's clothing

_**Sorry for that very sad moment, but oh boy, does it get worse. I really hope you guys are liking this fic. Anyway, lets continue. Songs used: Blue Jeans - Lana Del Ray, Crazy in Love (slowed version. Aka 50 Shades of Grey version.) - Beyoncé. *bows and walks away***_

 _ ***Trigger Warning*: Rape - Via Blowjob. Skip the ** part if you can't handle the trigger.**_

"What time is it?" Eren spoke softly while looking over at the window. What had happened? Eren remembered running home and crying in the tub. Everything else was a blur. He lifted and arm to shield his eyes from the light, only to cry out in pain.

"What the hell?!" Eren looked at the bloody gauzes around his wrists. He sat up and slowly undid the one his left arm. His eyes widened at all the cuts on his arm.

"Why-... When did I-..." Eren was interrupted by the door bell being rang.

"Just a second!" He yelled while wrapping his arm back up. He was in long sleeve pajamas, which proved to be beneficial at the time. He climbed out of bed and slowly walked down the stairs and to the front door.

"Hel-" He began, until Mikasa and Armin attacked him in a hug.

"I accept you Eren!" Mikasa yelled while tightening her grip.

"Me too! I accept you too!" Armin cried.

"Ow, ow! Please stop!" Eren yelled. The way they were hugging him was pushing down in his wrists.

"Are you okay?" Mikasa let go and asked. Eren turned and walked away.

"Make yourself comfy." He mumbled softly and walked to the kitchen.

"Eren, why'd you run out of class?" Armin asked as he and Mikasa sat on the couch.

"I wasn't thinking straight. Get it?" Eren chuckled dryly at his joke.

"Eren that isn't funny." Mikasa sighed at him. He dropped two water bottles over the railing for Armin and Mikasa.

"It kinda is." Eren leaned on the railing and laid his head on his hand. He winced slightly but continued to look down at Mikasa and Armin.

"So what have you been doing this whole time?" Armin asked while taking a sip from his water.

 _"Cried, apparently I tried to slit my wrists. How I woke up in my bed? I'm not entirely sure."_ Eren thought for a moment.

"I slept." Eren technically didn't lie. Meaning his ears wouldn't turn red.

"Are you still going to the dance studio today?" Armin smiled.

"No." Eren replied simply.

"Don't let what they said effect you. You are an amazing person." Mikasa assured. Eren resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"How can I not? I just openly admitted I was gay, and only got accepted by my best friends." Eren mumbled while taking a sip from his water.

"Well you can't wallow in sadness all day. You need to eventually come back to school." Armin looked up, his eyes looked pleading.

"I could fake sickness for about three days until my parents realize I'm not sick." Eren tapped his chin.

"Eren, don't do this." Mikasa stood.

"Do what?" Eren looked lazily.

"Push us away and deal with this alone! We love you no matter what." Mikasa yelled.

"Hm." Eren hummed.

"Everyone, relax," Armin stood. "If Eren doesn't want to deal with it right now, then he doesn't have to." Armin then looked up at Eren.

"But you can't hide from your problems forever. You will eventually have to come to school. Just know that at least two people accept you." Armin smiled.

"Hm." Eren hummed again.

"Did you hear me little boy?!" Armin growled playfully.

"Little boy? I'm older than you!" Eren rolled his eyes playfully.

"By nine months." Mikasa chuckled.

"So? I'm still older than him." Eren smirked.

"And I'm older than you by a month." Mikasa smirked back. Eren went silent.

"Shut it." Eren pouted childishly.

"Anyway, we need to head home. We'll check on you tomorrow and see if you're up for going to school." Armin waved and started off towards the door.

"Bye Eren." Mikasa waved and followed Armin out the door before closing it behind her.

"Bye guys." Eren mumbled and walked back up the stairs.

~.~.~

"Yum~" Rico smiled as she nibbled on a cookie. Levi quickly opened her door and she hid the cookie.

"Levi! Knock first, please!" Rico panted. Levi sat down, a scowl on his face.

"What's wrong?" Rico raised a brow.

"Eren isn't suicidal, in any way. Never was and still isn't. Yet, why did I find him passed out in a puddle of blood with his wrists slit?" Levi tried to maintain his composure.

"He cut himself?" Rico almost yelled.

"He wasn't aware of it until he woke up. So what do you think the cause was?" Levi tapped his foot impatiently.

"Uh... I don't know. You just said Eren wasn't suicidal, so I don't know what the cause was." Rico tilted her head to the left slightly.

"Does this look familiar?" Levi held the raven's feather.

"Annie?" She grabbed the feather and looked at it. She could see where the feather turned black cause its roots were still white.

"Before you drug me away, she said that she would see me again and the child would be hers." Levi shook his head.

"Child?" Rico raised a brow.

"I've always wanted a child and Eren died before he could deliver. I have a feeling Eren may become pregnant at some time and somehow shes going to try and take the child." Levi looked up at Rico.

"Why me? Why Eren? What have we ever done to her?" Levi growled.

"Levi," Rico sighed and adjusted her glasses. "This isn't the first time you've been here, and this isn't the first time you've died for Eren. The first time you showed up here, you were hysterical. Saying you needed to go back and save Eren from the titans and how Annie broke free." Levi's eyes widened.

"I gave you the option to live a peaceful life with Eren. You managed 20 years of that before you ended up back here. I think Annie remembers what you guys did to her and want revenge by taking what you wanted the most. A child." Rico sighed deeply.

"She's going to hold some shitty grudge over something that happened _years_ ago?!" Levi quickly stood.

"I don't know! No one has seen her since she's was exiled 6 years ago." Rico ran her fingers through her hair.

"Why all of a sudden is she coming back?" Levi yelled.

"How old is Eren?" Rico raised a brow.

"14. Why?" Levi took a deep breath.

"This is what we like to call the "Make it or break it" time. This is a point in one's life where their choices now effect who they turn out to be. This is was a time in your life when you became a thug, Levi. Did you bring your cards?" Levi nodded and handed them to Rico. She quickly shuffled them and set them out.

"Three cards." Levi nodded. Rico sat for a moment before picking a card.

"XVIII (18). The Moon." She set down the card and grabbed another. XII (12). The Hanged Man." She set that card and grabbed the last one. "XIII (13). Death."

"Eren is going to die?!" Levi yelled.

"No! Just let me explain, please!" Rico begged, She then pushed forward the first card.

"Card 18, The Moon. When the Moon appears in your present, things are not as they seem. Deception of one's self, or from another, is strongly indicated. Extreme caution when dealing with others is advised. New information comes to you, possibly in dreams or through a vision. In any case, when the truth is exposed, it must be dealt with. Accepting the darker, wilder side can bring peace; denial only brings chaos." She pushed forward the second card.

"Card 12, The Hanged Man. This card signifies that your situation may best be improved by letting go. This can involve a sacrifice of something you love in favor of your best interest, or it may mean that your struggle to manipulate and control things has made your situation worse. The action you should take in this case is to choose to be passive. When you relax and let events unfold, rather than second-guessing others and their motivations, you discover the true meaning behind the scenario. The Hanged Man can indicate that you should do the opposite of what you would typically do, or what would be expected of you." She then pushed forward the last card.

"Card 13, Death. signifies intense change, and most people do not welcome change. In its most positive guise, Death heralds a chance to start over, a second chance in relationships, or a time of major growth. If viewed with a negative outlook, Death can indicate the unexpected, and deep rooted fears of the unknown. When you accept change as it comes and grow from it, you can release that which has gone before and get on with what is yet to come. Discoveries, opportunities, and new cycles await you. Rather than resisting out of habit, embrace them, and your worries will fade away." She thought for a moment. Trying to figure out how this all relates to Eren.

"This pretty much means Eren will receive new information that can seem absolutely absurd, but its the truth and he needs to except it. Denying it will be the cause of his down fall. It also means Eren will possibly have to let go of all the things he knew or thought he knew, in order to accept the new information, he'll need to just except it and not second guess it. He must be sure. Finally, it means will need to except change, new things will come from it. In all, Eren should be fine. He'll just go through a lot of changes that he will need to except." Rico let out a deep sigh.

"I still don't understand why Eren slit his wrists." Levi shook his head.

"Simple. Annie made him do it. Just like she managed to see in your head, she managed to corrupt his during a time where he was weak. Like you said, Eren isn't suicidal. Never was, and still isn't." Rico started to put the cards back in the deck.

"Then how will I know that its Annie?" Levi accepted the deck back.

"Eren will act out of the normal. You've been with Eren for 14 years, including his private life. If he acts different, only you could tell." Rico nodded, but Levi stopped paying attention.

"What is it?" Rico asked.

"I hear a voice." Levi spoke softly.

"Its probably Eren. Listen closely to it." Rico spoke quietly so Levi could hear. Levi nodded.

 _"Help... Please... Oh god, someone help me..."_ Levi heard faintly.

"What the hell?!" Levi quickly stood.

"What was it?" Rico asked before Levi ran out of the room.

 _ **~.~.~ Eren P.O.V. ~.~.~**_

Eren woke up abruptly. Slowly he blinked. He saw a shadow by his closet. It smirked wickedly at him. Then he blinked. He saw that same figure right next to him. It had blood red eyes and sharp teeth. Then he blinked again. It was gone.

Eren know he saw it. He tried to move but he couldn't. He wasn't even sure if he was awake. He slept with his arms above his head so he would irritate his cuts during the night. He could only blink.

 _"What is this? Why can't I move?"_ Eren thought while trying his hardest to move.

"Its called sleep paralysis." Eren heard a female voice snicker. Slowly a figure moved under his blanket. He was even scared that there was something there. He was scared at how it was _moving._

Its joints looked contorted and disfigured as it moved. Yet, when its head peaked out of the blanket, its looked normal. It was a girl with blonde hair and sky blue eyes. Yet her smirk was sinister.

 _"Sleep paralysis?"_ Eren thought. She nodded and pushed the blanket on the floor while sitting up in his lap. She wore an all black dress, stockings and heels. She kicked her heels on the floor.

"Hello Eren. Nice to meet you." She purred while rolling her hips slightly.

 _"W-what are you doing?! Stop!" Eren yelled_

"Why should I?" She leaned down so they were chest to chest.

 _"Who are you?"_ Eren's eyes widened.

 ** _*_** "An angel of corruption. Sent to live in hell in eternal damnation." She smiled while sitting up, slowly pushing up his shirt and running her hands along his chest and stomach.

 _"What do you want?"_ Eren growled. She moved backwards and dipped her index fingers into the hem of his pants.

"I want to _devour_ you. Body and soul, but not yet. Right now I just want to _taste_ you." She smirked while slowly pulling down his pants.

 _"No! Please stop!"_ Eren begged while closing his eyes.

"Open your eyes or I kill all your family and friends." She growled. Eren quickly opened his eyes.

"Good." She climbed off the bed while pulling Eren's pants off.

"You sleep without underwear? That's even rather convenient for me." She purred while slowly climbing back on the bed.

 _"Please... please leave me alone."_ Eren begged as Annie inched closer towards him.

"Now why would I do that? I just want to taste you. No harm, no foul." Annie licked her lips slowly

 _"Don't touch me!"_ Eren tried once again to move, but no avail.

"Haven't you ever wanted your dick sucked?" She leaned closer to his exposed lower half.

 _"No! I haven't!"_ Eren yelled.

"It feels really good. I'll make sure you cum." Annie slowly began to stroke him. Eren quickly stopped his ranting and let out a deep groan.

 _"S-stop..."_ Eren cried.

"But it gets better." Annie bent down and started running her tongue along his cock.

 _"Fuck... stop please..."_ Eren panted.

"But you're enjoying it. You're panting like a dog." Annie chuckled while flicking her tongue on the tip.

 _"Please stop..."_ Eren gasped when she took him further into her mouth. Eren wanted to close his eyes so badly. He didn't want to see what she was doing, but the fear for the life of his friends and family. Finally she pulled him out of her mouth and began to speak again while continuing to stroke the brunet.

"You taste very good," She licked her lips again with a slight chuckle. "But you're also young. Meaning you'll cum quickly."

 _"Are you really raping a 14 year old, you creepy bitch!"_ Eren cried. Both inside and out. He felt so violated.

"Age is nothing but a number, honey. And you happen to be the lucky one. You're also pretty big for your age. I wonder how you'll feel inside of me." She moved her hand faster and Eren moaned.

 _"Stop!"_ Eren begged again.

"Not until I ruin your innocence. For now, I just want to taste your cum." She winked.

 _"Help... Please... Oh god, someone help me..."_ Eren could feel tears running down his face.

"Poor Eren. There is no God. Only me." She bent down and continued to run her tongue along his cock before taking it deep into her mouth and bobbing her head. Eren couldn't think straight anymore. His head was jumbled and he still was unable to move.

 _"S-stop...I'm-"_ Eren continued to cry. It felt good, but he didn't want it to. Annie let out a soft moan. It was enough to make him cum involuntarily. It took Annie a minute to swallow it all and lick her lips of the cum that seeped out.

"Man, you're a pro." Annie smirked as she sat up.

 _"Go to hell."_ Eren growled.

"Already been there, and I plan on taking me with you. Just not today. Now, shall we continue?" She spoke while slowly sliding her dress back. ** _*_**

"Touch him again and I swear to god, I'll drag you back to hell myself." Levi growled while climbing into the window.

 _"He looks so familiar."_ Eren thought through the jumbled mess of his mind.

"Eren makes the cutest sounds when giving him a blowjob. Its no wonder why you did it so often. His cum is delicious." She licked her fingers.

"Shut your fucking mouth!" Levi glared.

"You interrupted my fun time. I was about to ride this cock of his like a pro." Annie continued to lift up her dress.

 _"Please. Please help me."_ Eren looked over at Levi pleadingly.

"What are you even doing on Earth? Aren't you suppose to be in hell, taking dick like the whore that you are?" Levi smirked.

"I grew tired of it and craved something untouched." She stopped and set her arms on Eren's chest.

"What? Satan got tired of using you as a sex toy, and threw you out?" Annie's eyes widened, and so did Levi's smirk. If anyone could backtalk a demon. It would be Levi.

"What did you just say?" She looked over at Levi. Her once blue eyes, now a sinister red.

"I said Satan got tired of your stretched out pussy and got rid of you. You, craving dick like the nasty ass slut you are, decided to come and rape a 14 year old. If you weren't already dead and sentenced to eternal damnation in hell, you surely would now." Levi shrugged like he didn't care. Eren just stared in astonishment.

"Excuse me, Mr. I'll-get-a-19-year-old-pregnant." She climbed out of Eren's lap and walk towards Levi.

"That was a mutual decision between me and Eren." Levi rolled his eyes.

 _"What?!"_ Eren's eyes widened.

"This isn't about me. This is about you raping a 14 year old for your own guilty pleasure. I suggest you leave before the higher ups get word of this and torture you some more." Levi stared with a blank expression.

"To bad Eren," She looked back at the brunet. "I would have had a lot of fun with you." She smirked before sprouting her black wings and jumping out the window.

"Fucking bitch." Levi shook his head before turning to Eren.

"I'm so sorry Eren. I'll run you some water." Levi walked off to the water and started to run some water.

 _"Who are you?"_ Eren asked. Obviously knowing that Levi could hear his thoughts.

"I'm hurt. You don't even remember your best friend, osagi?" Levi chuckled while feeling the water. Eren felt a twinge in his chest.

 _"Are you L?"_ Eren asked.

"Yes. My name is Levi, but you won't remember it or me. So don't try to." Levi sighed.

 _"I feel disgusting."_ Eren thought. He could feel his tears return.

"I'll bathe you in Holy water. You'll feel clean." Levi turned off the water.

 _"Why can't I move or speak?"_ Eren asked once he remembering how he woke up.

"Sleep paralysis. Its the inability to move or speak upon waking or falling asleep, but mostly waking. You experienced it and that bitch, Annie, took advantage of you. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner." Levi looked at the water. His eyes became a beautiful silver and the water looked and turned pure and clean.

" _Were you the one talking to me about my wrists?"_ Levi raised a brow. So Eren had heard him.

"Yea. Sorry if I spooked you." Levi walked back and stood by Eren.

 _"Its okay."_ Eren replied.

"May I undress you? I promise I won't touch you like she did." Levi assured.

 _"Mhm."_ Eren gave his answer. Levi slowly pulled Eren's shirt off him and carefully removed the gauze around his wrists. He picked Eren up bridal style and carried him in the tub before gently setting him inside.

 _"It feels so good."_ Eren sighed.

"Its Holy water." Levi spoke while patting Eren's head. The brunet found comfort in the gesture.

 _"What did you mean when you said I wouldn't be able to remember you or your name, Levi?"_ Levi smiled. Its been a while since he heard Eren say his name.

"Its because I'm your guardian angel. You aren't suppose to see me or know I exist." Levi spoke as he began washing Eren up. The brunet began to tear up at the touch.

 _"I'm sorry."_ Eren quickly apologized.

"You literally just got raped by a corrupt angel. I'd be even more surprised if you had no reaction." Levi sighed.

 _"So I'm really not allowed to know you?"_ Eren sighed.

"Sadly yes. That is just how it is. I'll wash you, dress you and put you back to bed, but you won't remember any of it." Levi spoke while continuing to wash the brunet.

 _"So I'm really not suppose to know you? Cause, It'd be nice to have someone to talk to. Outside of my friends I mean."_ Eren replied.

"You can talk. I'll always listen." Levi smiled while pulling the stopper out and letting out the water. He wrapped Eren in a towel and dressed him again.

"Any last words before you forget me again?" Levi asked while running his fingers through Eren's hair.

 _"Thank you, and goodbye, Levi."_ Eren managed to move his facial muscles enough to make a smile.

"No problem Eren. I'll always be here." Levi smiled before Eren's eyes closed. He was asleep and all his memory of what had happened had been erased.

~.~.~

Eren had finally made it through the snow, and to the building where Petra and Hitch worked. He came inside and stomped his snow boots on the mat.

"Morning Eren. Isn't there school today? I know there's a lot of snow, but it isn't enough to cancel school." The teen, Hitch, spoke while drinking her morning coffee.

"We had a day off. Child development or whatever its called." Eren shrugged while taking off his jacket.

"Where's Mikasa and Armin?" She raised a brow.

"Mikasa had a Judo competition and Armin went ice fishing with his grandpa. As for me, both of my parents are at work and I'm bored." Eren lied. Mikasa and Armin where at school, but his parents were at work. He left his beanie on so she couldn't see his red ears. Signaling that he was lying.

"Alrighty then. Take a load off, kid." She waved her hand in dismissal. Eren quickly made his way to the grand piano and sat down.

"Eren! My favorite pianist! How-" Petra came in with a bagel in hand.

"Let me stop you there," Eren held up a hand when she came to hug him. "What song is it that you want me to play?" Eren raised a brow. He knew the teen very well.

"Haven't decided yet. I legitimately wanted a hug. Its been a while." Petra pouted before taking a bite of her bagel.

"Sure..." Eren rolled his eyes playfully. "And I was here over Thanksgiving break. I told you I'd be back before Christmas."

"I know." Petra sighed and sat by him on the piano seat.

"Have a request now?" Eren crackled his knuckles and played from normal to high Do on the piano as Petra thought.

"Blue Jeans by Lana Del Ray, please." Petra stood and walked over to Hitch.

"Alright, will you provide the lyrics or will I?" Eren looked at the keys and set his fingers on the ones he needed to start.

"I prefer to hear you do it today." Hitch smiled.

"I agree." Petra sat on a chair and looked over at Eren.

"Alright." Eren nodded before tapping a beat with his foot and pressing the first keys.

 _Blue jeans, white shirt_

 _Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn_

 _It was like James Dean, for sure_

 _You're so fresh to death and sick as ca-ca-cancer_

 _You were sorta punk rock_

 _I grew up on hip hop_

 _But you fit me better than my favorite sweater, and I know_

 _That love is mean, and love hurts_

 _But I still remember that day we met in December_

 _Oh baby_

Eren played slowly while picking up speed as he continued.

~.~.~

 _I will love you till the end of time_

 _I would wait a million years_

 _Promise you'll remember that you're mine_

 _Baby can you see through the tears?_

 _Love you more than those bitches before_

 _Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember_

 _Oh baby, who_

 _I will love you till the end of time_

"Eren!" Petra pretended to be upset when he cursed, but she didn't truly care. Eren shrugged it off like it was nothing.

~.~.~

 _Big dreams, gangsta_

 _Said you had to leave to start your life over_

 _I was like, "No please, stay here_

 _We don't need no money, we could make it all work"_

 _But he headed out on Sunday, said he'd come home Monday_

 _I stayed up waiting', anticipating', and pacing'_

 _But he was chasing' paper_

 _Caught up in the game - that was the last I heard_

 _Oh baby_

Eren continued to sing as he played. His fingers moved freely on the keys.

~.~.~

 _I will love you till the end of time_

 _I would wait a million years_

 _Promise you'll remember that you're mine_

 _Baby can you see through the tears?_

 _Love you more than those bitches before_

 _Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember_

 _Oh baby, who_

 _I will love you till the end of time_

Eren took a deep breath as he continued.

~.~.~

 _You went out every night_

 _And baby that's alright_

 _I told you that no matter what you did I'd be by your side_

 _'Cause imma ride or die_

 _Whether you fail or fly_

 _Well, shit, at least you tried_

 _But when you walked out that door_

 _A piece of me died_

 _Told you I wanted more, that's not what I had in mind_

 _Just want it like before_

 _We were dancing' all night_

 _Then they took you away, stole you out of my life_

 _You just need to remember_

Eren played slightly faster, becoming lost in the music. Petra and Hitch nodded to the beat.

~.~.~

 _I will love you till the end of time_

 _I would wait a million years_

 _Promise you'll remember that you're mine_

 _Baby can you see through the tears_

 _Love you more than those bitches before_

 _Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember_

 _Oh baby, who_

 _I will love you till the end of time_

Eren slowed his playing back down as the song ended. The last sound rang before he lifted his finger off the key.

"There." Eren ended while looking up.

"Perfect as always, Eren. Perfect as always." Petra gushed.

"Still needs some improvement, but its a lot better." Eren smiled.

"What song are you working on now?" Petra asked. Eren began to play again slowly.

"Crazy in Love. I like the slowed version. Its still not to my liking yet." Eren focused his eyes on his fingers.

"It sounds pretty good so far." Hitch smiled

 _Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no_

 _Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no_

 _Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no_

 _Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no_

 _You got me looking, so crazy my baby_

 _I'm not myself lately I'm foolish, I don't do this_

 _I've been playing myself, baby I don't care_

 _Baby your love's got the best of me_

 _Your love's got the best of me_

 _Baby your love's got the best of me_

 _Baby you're making a fool of me_

 _You got me sprung and I don't care who sees_

 _Cause baby you got me, you got me, oh you got me, you got me_

Eren raised a brow when Petra started singing.

"Keep going and have faith in yourself." Petra nodded. Eren returned it and looked back down at the keys.

 _I look and stare so deep in your eyes_

 _I touch on you more and more every time_

 _When you leave I'm begging you not to go_

 _Call your name two or three times in a row_

 _Such a funny thing for me to try to explain_

 _How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame_

 _And I still don't understand_

 _Just how your love could do what no one else can_

 _Got me looking so crazy right now_

 _Your love's got me looking so crazy right now_

 _Got me looking so crazy right now_

 _Your touch got me looking so crazy right now (your love)_

Petra sung louder as Eren gained confidence.

 _Hoping you'll save me right now_

 _Your kiss got me hoping you'll save me right now (your love)_

 _Looking so crazy in love_

 _Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love_

 _Got me looking so crazy right now_

 _Your love's got me looking so crazy right now_

 _Got me looking so crazy right now_

 _Your touch got me looking so crazy right now_

Petra got up from her chair and walked to Eren as he played.

 _Got me hoping you'll save me right now_

 _Your kiss got me hoping you'll save me right now (your love)_

 _Looking so crazy in love_

 _Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love_

 _Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no_

 _Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no_

 _Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no_

 _Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no_

Eren played slower and eventually ended the song.

"That was awesome Eren!" Petra hugged him.

"Thanks." Eren smiled sadly.

"What's wrong?" Hitch raised a brow.

"Its this song I've learned. I can never play it without crying and stopping." Eren sighed.

"Play it." Petra encouraged. Eren looked down at his watch.

"Maybe a different time. I have to go now." Eren stood.

"O-okay. Alright. See you around Eren." Petra smiled and handed him a key. Eren raised a brow and she winked and pointed at the door. She bent down and whispered in his ear.

"Practice it later on your own. Make sure you lock up and don't get caught." She winked again before waving him off.

"Bye Petra. Bye Hitch." He called while putting his winter gear back on.

"Bye!" Petra waved.

"Later." Hitch called. Eren nodded before walking back out into the cold, heading home for lunch.

"Eren, you're a peculiar person." Levi chuckled while walking home with Eren.

 _ **Sorry for the late update. I've been busy with moving an working on a futre anime of my own creation. It will be emotional. Anyways...Are you guys liking the fic? Sorry if its kinda lame, it picks up later on, but we have to build up to it! K? Alright. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! And I'll see y'all next week. Hopefully.**_

 _ **~Neko**_

 ** _~Tarot Cards Of The Day~_**

 ** _IX (9) - The Hermit:_** ** _The Hermit signifies guidance. This may be your own "Higher Self" speaking to you, or it may be advice given to you by a trusted friend, or a seasoned professional. It is wise to listen to the wisdom offered, and to your own gut feelings, in the present situation. Those who speak from experience may be able to give you some much-needed perspective, as they have been down the path you are currently following. The Hermit can also indicate a need to withdraw from the outer world to focus on your innermost self._**

 ** _X (10) - The Wheel Of Fortune: The Wheel of Fortune indicates situations in your life that are coming to a close, as well as new opportunities coming to replace them. Major life decisions and milestones are coming, and some have just passed. Things you set in motion some time ago are beginning to bear fruit. Seeds you plant now will be sprouting when the Wheel comes full circle again. When you step back and examine the cause and effect of your present situation, you can adjust your actions accordingly to produce a better outcome._**

 ** _XI (11) - Justice: Justice urges you to examine your past, and how the actions of your past have brought you to your present. In doing this, you realize how what you do right now will influence who you become in the future. You must accept that your present situation is one you helped create. In doing so, you can cut through the illusion of events to the wisdom you should be gaining from them. You can then begin to consciously take action to manifest better situations in your future. The Justice card often appears to signal that people are getting what they deserve. If the situation in question has legal ramifications, it can indicate a fair trial, a settlement, or winning in any general legal battle...the honest side will triumph._**


	5. Forbidden Fruit

_**Wow. I'm a seriously fucked up person, huh? Eh. I'm used to it. Anyway, enjoy the chapter.**_ ** _Okay, so the beginning of the chapter is shitty. There's a part of the story where it talks about laws, that's because I started writing this History class. This chapter also ends shitty. I really wanna skip, because things don't get good until after Eren starts dating Derek (you'll meet him later in the chapter), but I already time skip a lot. Is it okay to skip ahead and get on with the story? Again, I apologize for the shitty chapter. I also started this when I was depressed and that was like... 5 months ago. Nvm. I was gonna say something else, but I don't need my readers to be upset. I love y'all. Anyway, enjoy the chapter._**

 _ **~.~**_

 ** _Do you believe that Eve had Adam in check?_**

 ** _And if so, you gotta expect to sip juice_**

 ** _From the forbidden fruit and get loose_**

 ** _~ J. Cole ft. Kendrick Lamar - Forbidden Fruit_**

 ** _~.~.~_**

Eren checked his watch one more time. The shop was closed and both of his parents would be gone all night. He'd be there for about ten minutes. No longer than that. Eren put the hood up on his hoodie before closing the door and locking it. He started off down the side walks, shivering at the cold of the December air.

After a 15 minute walk, he reached the store. He looked to make sure no one was around before pulling out the key Petra gave him, and unlocking the front door. He closed it back and looked around the room. It looked a lot smaller in the late evening. Eren quickly made his way to the piano. He pulled his phone out and turned the light on before setting it on the piano.

"Alright. No longer than ten minutes." Eren nodded. He took a deep breath and began to play the slow melody.

 _I've seen the world_

 _Done it all_

 _Had my cake now_

 _Diamonds, brilliant_

 _In Bel Air now_

 _Hot summer nights, mid July_

 _When you and I were forever wild_

 _The crazy days, city lights_

 _The way you'd play with me like a child_

Eren could feel his heart ache and his hands tremble, but he kept trying.

~.~

 _Will you still love me_

 _When I'm no longer young and beautiful?_

 _Will you still love me_

 _When I got nothing but my aching soul?_

 _I know you will, I know you will_

 _I know that you will_

 _Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

Eren's eyes began to water. It felt like he was missing something... Someone...

~.~.~

"Levi are you okay?" Rico asked. Levi's eyes had tears and his hand was to his heart but he didn't speak.

"Can you feel Eren?" Levi nodded slowly.

"What do you feel?" Rico spoke softly.

"Our memories..." Levi whispered.

~.~

 _I've seen the world, lit it up_

 _As my stage now_

 _Channeling angels in the new age now_

 _Hot summer days, rock 'n' roll_

 _The way you play for me at your show_

 _And all the ways I got to know_

 _Your pretty face and electric soul_

Eren could no longer see the keys. His vision grew blurry from his tears. Still, he tried. It felt like he was playing for someone, but he couldn't remember who.

 _~.~_

 _Will you still love me_

 _When I'm no longer young and beautiful?_

 _Will you still love me_

 _When I got nothing but my aching soul?_

 _I know you will, I know you will_

 _I know that you will_

 _Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

Eren hiccuped. He felt warmth and sorrow in the words.

~.~

"What do you mean, Levi?" Rico raised a brow.

"He can feel them, yet he cries cause he can't remember them. My poor Eren." Levi could hear Eren play along with the sweet words, mixed with the sadness in his voice.

~.~

 _Dear Lord, when I get to heaven_

 _Please let me bring my man_

 _When he comes tell me that you'll let him in_

 _Father tell me if you can_

 _All that grace, all that body_

 _All that face makes me wanna party_

 _He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds_

Eren smiled through the tears. His heart and body felt warm, like a hug.

~.~

 _Will you still love me_

 _When I'm no longer young and beautiful?_

 _Will you still love me_

 _When I got nothing but my aching soul?_

 _I know you will, I know you will_

 _I know that you will_

 _Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

 _Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?_

 _Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful?_

Eren finished slowly before wiping his eyes and putting his hand to his heart. As strange as it was, it felt like it was someone else's heartbeat in exchange for his own. He looked down at his watch.

"Four minutes huh?" Eren sighed. He stood and closed the piano case before walking to the front door.

"I guess I really can't get through the song without crying like a baby." Eren locked the shop back before heading off down the road towards his house.

"Eren!" Someone giggled behind him. He turned and saw one of his classmate's from school.

"Hey." He spoke softly. Unconsciously pulling down his sleeves.

"Can I walk with you home? The school sports and clubs just got out." She smiled.

"Uh... sure." Eren shrugged and continued to walk.

"So why weren't you at school today? Was it because of the whole you "being gay" thing?" She asked.

"You really don't know when to shut the fuck up, do you?" Levi tsk'd.

"I didn't feel good." Eren lied.

"Well you certainly caused quite a commotion today." She sighed, watching a fog cloud form in the cold air.

"I did?" Eren raised a brow.

"Yea. All of your friends were ready to raise hell. Some even admitted to being gay or lesbian. It was a inspiring sight." She looked over at Eren and smiled.

"They did all that... for me?" Eren smiled behind his scarf.

"Mhm." She nodded.

"How was school?" Eren decided to ask after a few moments of a nice silence.

"Fine. Our teacher talked more about health and moved all those mean kids to the front of class." She rubbed her hands together. Eren glanced over and noticed that she didn't have any gloves.

"Here." Eren took off his gloves and handed it to her.

"Won't your hands be cold?" She quickly put them on and blew into her hands.

"I'll be fine. We're almost there anyway." Eren put his hands in his pocket and continued their walk in silence until they got to his house.

"Mind if I sit here for a bit before continuing to my house?" She shivered.

"I don't mind. I'll make some tea." Eren shrugged off his jacket and walked to the kitchen. She walked around slowly and smirked.

"You know Eren... I don't believe you." She looked over at the kitchen

"In what?" Eren raised a brow.

"I don't think you're gay. Don't gays normally act girly and wear girly clothes? You don't act like that at all." She smirked.

"That is a stereotype!" Eren walked out of the kitchen. "And what the hell gives you the right to say whatever you want about me?"

"My First Amendment. It gives me the freedom of speech." She glared at Eren. Eren returned it.

"Then check the Ninth Amendment. " Eren scoffed. She sent him a questioning look.

"The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. This amendment means that nothing written in the Constitution can be used to cancel amendments to it. And in the Constitution its says, and I quote," Eren cleared his throat and looked back with a smirk.

" _We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness._ "

"What does this history lesson have to do with anything?" She growled.

"It means I'm created equal among anyone else. I was born with rights and among those are my life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If being gay makes me happy, than you can't do anything about it nor tell me otherwise, you idiotic bitch. Since you wanted to get historical." Eren rolled his eyes.

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?!" She yelled.

"You, obviously." Eren narrowed his eyes. She took off his gloves and set them down before opening the front door.

"I still think this is a charade and you just want attention." She sent him a pointed look.

"What was the point of all this? To be nice to me, only to end up talking shit?" Eren glared before scoffing.

"Get the fuck out of my house," Eren turned and began to walk back to the kitchen. "You're letting the cold." She huffed and slammed the front door.

 _ **~.~ The next day ~.~**_

Eren stood outside of his classroom, pulling at his sleeves. He wasn't sure if he was ready to come back to class. You could say fate decided for him when Armin opened the classroom door.

"Eren?" Armin gasped.

"I... I uh..." Eren couldn't speak. This was his chance, either step forward into class or run home.

"Eren, I'm glad you're okay!" Armin quickly hugged him.

"I'm fine." Eren sighed and looked down at his wrists as Armin hugged him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Armin followed his eyes and Eren quickly put his hands behind his back.

"Peachy. Do you know where that girl is? The one who sat behind Mikasa?" Eren remembered what she had said to him after school the day before.

"Yea, she moved. Her last day was yesterday." Armin spoke while opening the door and before leading Eren in.

"Eren!" The brunet looked up when all of his friends tackled him to the floor.

"You're back!" Sasha yelled.

"Get off him, Sasha. You'll crush him." Connie pulled her off the brunet.

"Please... get off me..." Eren wheezed. They got off and Marco pulled him to his feet.

"I see you're back, Jaeger." Jean smiled.

"Here to tease me, Kirstein?" Eren glared.

"No," Jean held out his hand for Eren to shake. "I came to offer a truce."

"How long will this last?" Eren rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, you asshole. I just tried to be nice to you." Jean tsk'd.

"Fine." Eren shook his hand.

"Good." Jean nodded and walked to his seat. Everyone followed as the bell rung. Eren sat at his seat and put in his headphones before looking out the widow and setting his head down.

"No one noticed." Eren mumbled softly.

 _ **~.~ 3 Years Later ~.~**_

"Eren, why won't you tell me!" Carla pouted while playing with Eren's hair.

"I want to tell you and dad and the same time...and stop messing with my hair." Eren stepped away from his mother while taking a bite of his apple.

"Eren~" Carla whined.

"When dad ge-" Eren stopped and they both looked over at the front door when it opened. Eren swallowed hard.

"What's going on in here?" Grisha asked when walking into the kitchen.

"Eren wanted to tell us something." Carla spoke while Eren tried sneaking up the stairs.

"What did you want to tell us?" Grisha looked over.

"Uh..." Eren swallowed his apple. "I wanted to say something important. Let me finish speaking before you answer. Please." Carla and Grisha nodded.

"Alright, I wanted to say everything is going good and I have two jobs now. I also wanted to say that..." Eren stopped and looked down at his feet.

"What is it Eren?" Carla frowned. Grisha rolled his eyes.

"...I'm gay..." Eren mumbled, though both parents heard him.

"Get out." Grisha was first to answer.

"Grisha!" Carla yelled.

"Its fine, mom." Eren sat at the bottom of the stairs. "I kinda expected that, though I was hoping I was wrong. I had slight hope he'd except me." Eren shook his head.

"Eren-" His mother began.

"Anyway, I planned this. I also wanted to say that I'm moving out tomorrow. My room is already packed." Eren stood and began to walk upstairs.

"Eren, wait-"

"Hurry up and go." Grisha started walking off in the other direction.

"Grisha-" Carla turned. Eren looked back when he heard a hard slap that Carla gave Grisha.

"How dare you! You seriously hate your son that much?!" Carla yelled. Grisha picked his glasses up off the floor and looked at Carla.

"You need to find somewhere else to sleep tonight, because you aren't sleeping here." Carla shook her head and turned towards Eren.

"You don't have to leave, Eren. You're only 17, therefore you're still a minor." Carla grabbed Eren's hand.

"Thanks to your genes, I look older than I really am. I'll be fine, mom. I'm going to be 18 soon and I'll have to move out." Eren smiled.

"Eren, please. You don't have to!" Carla pulled him into a hug.

"I'm fine mom. I'll visit and invite you over." Eren sighed.

"I really don't want you to go." Carla shook her head.

"Its fine, mom. I'm not leaving until tomorrow. Besides," Eren untangled himself from his mother's grasp and tilted her head up so he could look at her tear covered eyes. "I'm still _your_ usagi. No matter what." He smiled and walked away to his room.

"Carla-"

"Out."

"What?"

"Get out. Now." Carla turned and she had tears running down her face. "I want you since you're too much of a stubborn asshole, to accept your son. You need to leave." She shook her head and walked up the stairs.

~.~

"Today's the day, huh?" Armin asked while looking at the boxes in Eren's room.

"Yep." Eren nodded and grabbed the first box.

"I have a quote for you, Eren." Armin grabbed another box and followed Eren downstairs.

"Oh yea? Lay it on me."

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk besides me and be my friend." Armin smiled.

"Who's that by?" Eren smiled at his mother as they passed her and walked outside to Eren's car.

"Dunno. Its anonymous." Armin shrugged and set to box in the back. Eren rolled his eyes before setting down his box and walking back.

"N-need any help, Eren." Carla asked, her voice cracked.

"No mom. Thank you though, and no crying. Okay?" Eren walked over to her before sitting on the coffee table in front of her.

"I wasn't crying." She looked away.

"Don't lie to me, mum. Its okay to be sad." He leaned forward and gave her a hug.

"I-I'm not sad." Carla hiccuped. Eren sighed and rubbed his mother back.

"I have to finish the boxes. Then I have a surprise for you." He let her go and stood, still holding her hand.

"Okay? You have to be strong." Carla looked up with red and puffy eyes, but nodded.

"Alright." Eren nodded and continued up the stairs.

* * *

"Mum." Eren spoke while coming back in from putting the last box in his car. Armin in tow behind him.

"Yes, Usagi?" She looked up at Eren. He smiled and handed her the brown bunny he hid behind his back.

"Oh, Eren! Thank you, my little usagi!" She stood and hugged him. Only then did he notice get grasp tighten, followed by her shoulders shaking, and her crying.

"Mommy, it will be okay." He hugged her tighter and her eyes widened. Its been so long since he's called her that.

"Oh, Eren..." She mumbled softly into her son's shoulder.

"Everything will work out. I have it all planned out. Trust me." Eren assured while letting go of his mom. She nodded slowly.

"I'll be back day after tomorrow to show you the place, but I have to go now or I'll never beat traffic." He spoke before giving her a soft peck on the forehead. She waved and watched as Armin and Eren exited. She waited a few moments before running to her room and grabbing something for Eren she calmly sped walked to Eren's side of the car.

"Yea, mum?" Eren spoke once he rolled down the window.

"Here." She tool a huge wad of cash out her apron pocket.

"No, mum. I can't take that." He quickly denied.

"Please, Usagi. Just to help you out a bit." She smiled softly.

"Im fine, I get paid tomorrow, and I-"

Carla cut him off when she placed the money in his hands and closed his hands. "Keep it, hide it somewhere where only you can find it. Just in case."

Eren was about to deny until she said, "Please." She looked serious. She was already sad that Eren was leaving, he didn't want to put more hurt on her. He nodded and placed the money in his pocket.

"Bye mum." Eren waves before driving off.

"Bye Eren!" She waved until he was out of sight before walking back into her house. That was now abnormally silent.

* * *

"You want me to come with you to go to the store?" Armin asked while bringing in the last box.

"Nah, I'll go tomorrow. I'll just order some food for tonight. " Eren shrugged and sat on a box before looking around his living room.

It was too empty.

"Plus, I have to get furniture tomorrow. " Eren waved the thought away.

"Alright, well Im going to Mikasa's house. Call or text me if you need me." Eren and Armin fist bumped and Armin left. Leaving the brunet to his house.

* * *

 _Ding dong._

"Coming!" Eren paused his YouTube video on his laptop and climbed off of his air mattress and began walking down the hall and down the stairs.

 _Ding dong. Ding dong._

"Alright, alright!" Eren walked to the door to see a guy with soft blue eyes and dirty blonde hair, holding his order.

"Are you Eren?" He spoke. His voice was deep, yet sweet to the sound.

"Yea..." Eren smiled softly. This guy wasn't half bad looking. Levi frowned softly from behind Eren. A frown that went unnoticed by both individuals.

"Well here's your order." Eren took the bag before pulling out his wallet and paying for it.

"I come over to this area a lot, how come I haven't seen you around." They guy leaned on the doorframe.

"Oh, I just moved here." Eren motioned to his pretty much empty living room.

"Ah, I see. Well Im Derek, nice to meet ya, Eren." He held out his hand and Eren shook it.

"Nice to meet you too, Derek." Eren nodded.

"Now, sorry if I seem creepy for asking this, but you have a nice body, Eren. You work out?" Eren blushed slightly. Levi wanted to barf.

"No, I dance. Its pretty good when it comes to losing weight." Eren rambled on.

"Nice. I wouldn't mind seeing you dance." Derek licked his lips slowly. Man, oh man, if Levi wasn't dead, Isabel, Farlan, and himself would have made sure this guy wouldn't be doing anything besides laying in a body cast.

"I teach lessons down at Trost Studios. I have a class tomorrow, you're welcome to come if you want. It starts at 2." Eren couldn't help but to stare at the delivery guy.

"Well, I'll be there. See ya, Eren." Derek nodded and tipped his hat.

"Bye Derek." Eren closed the door and let out a deep sigh before taking his food back upstairs and continuing to watch YouTube.


	6. Help me

Me: *yawns* Fuck, I'm tired. Anyway, I time skipped about... Any time between 6 months and a year. I'll let y'all decided. *drinks coffee*

Armin: Weren't you told to stop drinking coffee?

Me: *looks down at phone* ...maybe...

Armin: Then why are you still drinking it?

Me: Because... I am a ghoul. *puts on Kaneki's mask*

Armin: (-_-*) ...really Neko...

Me: Stop asking me questions~! *whines*

Armin: ...I'm telling...

Me: No! She'll scold me!

Armin: :D

Me: *frowns* Where is Eren and Levi?

Armin: *goes and looks down the hall before coming back* asleep.

Me: *drinking coffee*

Armin: Neko!

Me: I can't help it!

Armin: Stop it!

Me: You're gonna tell anyway! Why should I care?! *tears stream down face like in anime* I just want my coffee...

Armin: Oh my gosh... Fine! Just hurry up with the intro. *gets up and walks away*

Me: *sips coffee* Trigger warnings are rape. Again. And domestic violence. Uh... I think that's it. I'll star it so you know when to skip it. This chapter may be short. Depending on how much detail I put. *sips coffee* Um... Yea. That's it. I hope you enjoy the chapter, I love y'all.

Armin: *comes back* I told on you...

Me: ;-; why u do that?...

Armin: :D

Song for the chapter: Tag, you're it - Melanie Martinez

* * *

Eren was happy with Derek. They never fought. Never argued. It was the perfect relationship. Well, as time went on it began to change... Eren tried not to notice it. He tried to convince himself that it was just him being silly.

Derek became possessive. Always wanting Eren to be near him. He never let Eren go anywhere without him knowing. He couldn't even go to the store unless he ran it by Derek. Eren found it strange, but brushed it off. Maybe. Just maybe if he paid more attention... Things wouldn't have turned out this way...

* * *

"Alright, Derek. I'll be back." Eren grabbed his jacket off the chair of his art desk in his room before heading to the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Derek said while looking up from his phone. Eren stopped dead in his tracks before turning to Derek. His tone was rude. All Eren said was he was leaving.

"I'm going to hang out with my friends." Eren said. Once again he turned to leave, but this time he stopped when he felt Derek grab on his arm.

"You didn't ask me if you could go." He growled. Eren tried yanking his arm free, but had no avail. He sucked in a deep breath through his nose and said,

"I didn't _have_ to ask you. You aren't my parent. I don't have to tell you where I'm going every second of the fucking day. Now, let me go." Eren glared as hard as he could, but the other male didn't like that. He released Eren's arm and grabbed the collar of his shirt and pushed the brunet roughly against the wall.

"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?!" Derek yelled. Eren was startled, but he couldn't show fear. He refused to give Derek the advantage.

"I'm talking to you, dipshit! Get your hands off of me!" Eren tried to push the taller male away, but he was stronger than Eren. He pushed Eren harder against the wall.

"You don't do shit without my permission! You understand? Hell, you won't even let me have sex with you, but you want to go out within our friends anytime you want, huh?!" Eren could feel himself getting ready to cry. Why? Why was Derek doing this? He was so sweet when they met. He was comforting and always treated Eren like royalty. Now here he was, man handling Eren while talking to him like he isn't shit. Eren closed his eyes, raised his hand and slapped Derek. Hard across the cheek. The taller male let go and stepped back. He raised his hand to his now red cheek.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! You _do not_ talk to me like that, you bastard! Of course I won't fuck you! You are nothing but a coward! Treating me like Im shit because I won't give you what you want! Fuck you!" Eren quickly scrambled to the door and down the hall. He didn't get far. Derek was quickly after him, grabbing a fist full of Eren's hair and pulling the brunet to the ground.

"What the fuck did you say?!" Derek said while punching Eren. The brunet kicked and screamed bloody murder for the taller male to get off him.

"Go to hell!" Eren managed to get his foot high enough to kick Derek in the jaw. Eren climbed over the male and got to his feet. Running down the hall like the devil was on his tail. He got to the stairs before he felt someone kick him. Causing him to fall roughly down. He heard a loud crack during the fall. Followed by his head hitting the wall at the bottom of the stairs. He couldn't stop. No, he needed to get away.

Eren yelled as he tried to stand. His foot hurt. Shit, it was probably broken. Eren wouldn't give up though. He gripped the carpet and began to pull. Dragging himself from the stairs. He heard Derek slowly make his way down.

"Oh, you think you're going to get away?" Derek was quickly behind Eren. Grabbing his hair and pulling him away from the back door. Which Eren almost made it to. Levi stared in absolute horror. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't say anything. He wasn't on the same dimension as them, so everything he did would for unnoticed.

He watched as Eren was kicked and punched repeatly. As the male who he used to always make smile, was crying and screaming for help. Eren was strong though. Even if he didn't remember that life, he still had the instincts of a thug, and the reaction of a solider. Eren reached up and grabbed Derek's hair. Pulling the male to the floor with him. Eren flipped them over and began punching as hard as he could. He pushed his knees down on Derek's hands so the taller male couldn't fight back.

"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! I hate you! I hate you!" Eren screamed as he punched. Adrenaline coursed through his veins at the speed of light, but knew it wouldn't last. Eren crawled off the male and scrambled towards the front door. He pulled himself up on his knees before twisting the doorknob and opening the door.

"Someone! H-!" The door slammed at Eren was yanked back by his hair. He kicked and screamed as he was pulled back to the living room. For a split second he could have swore he saw someone sitting on the stairs. Glaring so hard the their eyes appeared to glow with fury. Eren couldn't dwell on it, because his head was quickly slammed into a wall. Followed by a kick to the stomach. Derek picked him up by his hair and punched him square across the face.

"You little shit!" Derek yelled as he kicked Eren. Eren cried, but still tried to crawl away. Derek grabbed his hair yet again and slammed his head into the ground. Eren completely stopped moving. He wasn't dead, no Levi could sense that. Eren had given up. He stopped fighting. He was too tired to keep trying. Derek took this as the perfect opportunity.

He grabbed the back of Eren's pants and pulled them down. Eren stirred softly, but didn't have the strength to move. So Derek the pulled his boxers down as well. Eren's eyes quickly snapped open. No. This could not be happening.

"D-don't...don't touch me!..." Eren gripped the carpet with shaky hands and pulled with as much strength he could muster. Sadly... It wasn't enough. Eren felt a numbing pain shoot up his entire being as his ass was stretched.

"Ah! Stop it! Stop it, Derek!" Eren screamed as tears steamed down his face. With bloody hands, Derek gripped Eren's ass and began to thrust roughly into him. Levi slowly stood from the stairs and walked to Eren. He sat down in front of the brunet and ran his finger through Eren's hair. The gesture went unnoticed.

"Stop, please!" Eren cried louder it hurt. It hurt so bad. This was not the way he thought he'd lose his virginity. He thought it would be slow and sensual. That the person that he lost it to would say they loved him with all their heart, but no. Eren was overpowered by Derek and was forced.

"Kill me now..." Eren yelled into his arm. He moved his hand to his mouth and bit down hard on the flesh. He kept going until he tastes a coppery liquid in his mouth. Maybe, if he lost enough blood, he would pass out and wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Levi heard this thought and decided to grant his wish. He gave Eren a soft peck on the forehead. Eren quickly felt dizzy and lightheaded. His eyes then closed.

* * *

Eren didn't know what time it was, but the sun was still out. He was still in the same spot he was when he passed out, but Derek was gone. The keys and his car too. Eren knew this may be his only chance. He crawled over to get phone before quickly dialing a familiar number. He hoped she would pick up.

 _"Hello? Eren? I hope you didn't ditch us. We've been waiting on you for hours."_ Mikasa laughed. Eren couldn't do the same. He struggled to hold back the tears, but they came out as he said,

"M-Mikasa... He b-beat me... Then he... H-he..." Eren hiccuped and gripped the phone for dear life. Sobbing like a child.

 _"Oh my god! He beat you?! Eren, tell me what happened!"_ Mikasa quickly said. Eren could hear Armin yell in the back.

"He...he..." Eren tried again.

He could hear Mikasa quickly get up and move followed by a car starting _. "What else did he do?!"_

"He...raped me..." Eren said while setting the phone on speaker phone before setting it on the floor.

 _"Im going to kill him! Hold on, Eren. Armin and I are on our way. Is he still in the house?"_ Eren gripped his stomach and fell on his side.

"N-no... Please hurry..." Eren felt his eyes slip back closed.

* * *

 _"Er...en...Eren...wake up!...Hanji! Help him!..."_ A voice faded in and out. Eren could hear Mikasa, but what was she going on about.

 _"Eren?!...c'mon, Eren...get up!...please!..."_ Why was Armin yelling? Eren could hear him perfectly fine.

 _"Breathe Eren!...you need to breathe...can you hear me?..."_ Another voice spoke. This one was new, but Eren could tell it was a female.

 _"Wake up, Eren."_ A voice spoke softly, as if it was right next to him. This one was a male's voice. Eren's eyes instantly snapped open.

"Eren?! That's it, Eren, keep breathing." A woman with glasses said as Eren was wheeled through a hospital. Eren's eyes felt heavy, so he began to close them.

"Wake up!" Mikasa yelled. Eren opened his eyes and frowned at her, but her eyes showed fear. He looked to see Armin following the gurney that Eren was on. The brunet couldn't keep his vision focused, and everything around him faded in and out of blackness.

"Stay with us, Eren." Armin said. Eren opened his eyes back up. He was too tired. His body hurt and he felt dirty. Eren slowly opened his mouth and said,

"Where...am I?..."

"Baby, you're at the hospital." The female doctor said. The voice sounded familiar. If Eren could recall... Mikasa called her... Hanji. Eren turned his head to Mikasa.

"Mikasa...it hurts..." He whined. She softly ran her fingers through his chocolate brown hair. She wouldn't tell him that a few chunks were missing. No, he didn't need to know that right now.

"Its okay, Eren. You're going to be okay. We just need you to stay awake." Mikasa said as they entered a room.

"Everyone out, go back to the lobby and tell the nurse to send Moblit to room 104." Hanji said while shooing Mikasa and Armin away. She looked back at Eren and smiled.

"Its going to be okay. You may not remember me, but I used to be a real good friend. Im Hanji." She said while getting a pair of scissors and cutting Eren's shirt. Her eyes widened at the series of bruises scattered on his skin. She softly began to feel it. He had about two broken ribs, but the rest were just bruises.

"Han...ji?..." Eren repeated softly.

"Yep, there you go. Just keep talking. I need you awake for now." She placed her hands on the sides of Eren's head and softly pressed her fingers, applying pressure. Eren winced in pain and she quickly removed her hands.

"Damn, that's bad." She said once her assistant, Moblit came in. She talked to him a bit while continuing to check Eren. Eren stopped listening, he just listened to the sound of his heartbeat. It beat slow. Very slow. Everytime Hanji would call him, it would speed up, but only for a bit. After some time Hanji placed a mask over his face. He sent he a lazy, questioning look. She then said,

"Count backwards from ten." Eren nodded softly and began to count.

"10..."

".9..."

"..8..."

"...7..."

"...6..." Eren was out cold.

* * *

 _"Okay, keep your eyes locked on it." Levi said while holding a can. He set it down on the table and stepped out of the way._

 _"What is the point of this, babe?" Eren said while pulling his gun out of the back of his jeans. He cocked it and aimed it at the can._

 _"Focus. I want you to shoot a hole straight through. Make it clean." Levi said while walking behind Eren. He helped the brunet male aim his arms the right way. Levi then stepped to the side, leaving Eren to do the rest. Eren took a deep breath and focused his attention on the can. He closed one eye and calmed his breathing before pulling the trigger. The can fell and Eren lowered his gun._

 _Levi jogged over to the can before bringing it back. He showed it to Eren and ran his finger along the bullet hole._

 _"Dead center. Clean shot. Nicely done, babe." Levi smiled. Eren put his gun on safety before placing it back in them hem of his jeans. He quickly tackled the shorter male in a hug._

 _"Stop smiling like that. You're suppose to be a thug." Levi chuckled, but Eren couldn't help it. He just loved Levi._

* * *

 _"Read 'em and weep, bitches! Three of a kind!" Isabel said while throwing down her cards. She reached forward to claim the Oreos they were betting with, but stopped when Eren cleared his throat. Levi, Farlan, and Isabel all looked at him as he smiled a dopey smile._

 _"Full house, fuckers! Those oreos are mine!" Eren said while throwing his cards down. Isabel and Farlan let out a loud groan, but Levi just began to laugh._

 _"That's bull! He totally cheated!" Isabel said while trying to grab the oreos that Eren were placing back on his plate._

 _"No I didn't. You just have no game." Eren chuckled before eating an oreo. Farlan leaned back in his chair before looking at Levi._

 _"You let him win, didn't you, Levi?"_

 _"Nope. That was all him." Levi shrugged while grabbing one of Eren's oreos and quickly putting it in his mouth. Eren smacked his hand and sent him a childish pout._

 _"Big bro, you are the best at this game! There is no way you lost!" Isabel said while flopping back in her chair. She really wanted an oreo..._

 _"I promise you. I didn't help him win." Levi raised his hands in defeat._

 _"You're saying a lot of words, but they don't mean shit. Talk is cheep. If you really think I cheated, then why don't we play again?" Eren smirked while setting three oreos on the plate in the middle of the table._

 _"You're on!" Isabel laughed while placing in three oreos and handing Levi her cards to reshuffle._

* * *

 _"L-Levi...fuck!" Eren moaned out while harshly running his nails against Levi's back. Scratching his pale skin. Levi continued to thrust inside of his cute little brunet boyfriend while nibbling on his ear._

 _Eren arched his back as Levi began to relentlessly slam into his prostate. He was seeing stars and was moaning like a slut in heat. His thighs trembled as Levi dug his nails into them. The bed moved and creaked under them as they continued._

 _"Levi! I'm gonna cum..." Eren warned while throwing his head back against the sheets. It felt amazing. Levi was fucking him silly, and he was praising his boyfriend. Eren feet wrapped tighter around Levi's waist as he came on his stomach and chest._

 _"Shit, Eren..." Levi growled into Eren's neck as he came hard inside of Eren. The brunet let out a loud, shuddering moan at the feeling. Both laid in a content silence (besides their panting, of course). Levi laid his head down softly on Eren's chest. Eren pecked his forehead and stared up at the ceiling._

 _"I love you, Eren." Levi said softly. He couldn't help but to smile as he said,_

 _"I love you too, Levi. Never leave me..."_

 _"...I love you too, Levi..."_

 _"...Never leave me..."_

 _The sentence softly repeated as Eren's world faded into darkness._

* * *

Eren slowly opened his eyes, only to close them slightly. The sun peaking through the curtains irrated his eyes. He looked to his left, looked to his right. He was in a hospital? Oh... Yea... Eren remembered. He looked over at the door when their was a soft knock.

"Ah, Eren. You're awake. I was worried there for a second." Hanji came in while bringing a tray of food. He lazily smiled. He was starving. She set the tray down on his lap and pressed a button that made the bed lean up.

"Eat slow, okay? You had some pretty bad damage to your stomach." Eren nodded softly and slowly began to eat his pancake.

"Mikasa and Armin are in the lobby. Would you like to see them?" Once again Eren nodded. Hanji then turned and left the room, closing the door behind her. Eren grabbed the remote and turned on the TV before turning to Spongebob. He set it down and watched through the opening credits before Mikasa and Armin came in.

"How are you feeling, Eren? Mikasa said while sitting in the chair on the left side of him. Armin sat in the chair to the right.

"Tired." Eren said before eating a grape. His phone began to buzz on the table next to it. Mikasa offered to grab it, but Eren decided to get it himself. It was case up, showing his Batman case, which he decided to change it to. He flipped it over and clicked answer before putting the phone to his ear, not bothering to read the caller I.D.

"Hello?" Eren said, though he was more invested in the episode of spongebob.

 _"Where the fuck are you, Eren?"_ Derek growled into the phone. Eren's eyes widened and his hand began to shake. Oh no...

"Eren?" Armin asked. Eren quickly threw his phone at the wall, hoping it would break, but it didn't. Damn that Batman case... Mikasa got up before picking up the phone and putting it to her ear. She asked who it was, but the call ended. She set it back on the table and sat back by Eren.

"That was Derek...he called me..." Eren mumbled softly. He felt sick to his stomach. The memory of the day before flooded back to his head all over again. He felt anger and hatred, but fear dominated.

"What?!" Mikasa growled. She quickly took Eren's phone and unlocked it to go back to the caller I.D, but it was a unknown number.

"Oh god, I think Im gonna be sick..." Eren covered his mouth, feeling the half a pancake and six grapes coming back up. Armin quickly handed Eren the trash can as his brunet friend began to throw up.

"I'll go get Hanji. Mikasa, stay with him." Armin stood and jogged out of the room. Eren finally managed to stop, but occasionally let out a dry heave.

"Eren. We are changing your phone number. That asshole will _not_ call you anymore." Mikasa turned off Eren's phone and set it back on the table before patting her friend's back. A minute or two later, Hanji and Armin rushed into the room.

"What's wrong?" Hanji ask while removing the trashcan from Eren's hands. The brunet leaned back in his bed, trying to catch his breath.

"Eren-" Mikasa began.

"I'm fine." Eren quickly interrupted. Mikasa looked at Eren as if the brunet grew a second head. She was about to open her mouth to speak, but Eren sent her a pleading look. She sighed deeply and looked at the floor. Eren turned his attention to Hanji before he said,

"I'm fine, Hanji. I just threw up. Maybe I ate too fast." Eren smiled weakly. She nodded, took his temperature and left the room.

"Eren-"

"I'm fine, Armin." Eren assured. He just wanted some sleep. Eren laid down and tossed the covers over his head. Why did things have to be this way? Why couldn't it have been different. Eren blamed himself. It was all his fault...

* * *

Me: I was gonna write more, but eh... That's good enough.

Armin: Good enough?! What the hell happens?!

Me: You'll see later. Its gonna be good, I promise.

Levi: She's lying...

Me: Well... Look who woke up...

Levi: Piss off...

Me: *rolls eyes* anyway, that's all. I hope you liked the chapter, and I will be updating 50 Shades of Riren, and the 2nd part to Gladiator. They should be done soon. Neko loves ya! Bye~!


	7. Enough is enough

Me: Sorry about the last chapter, I was in the zone

Armin: Yea, she was gone

Me: Anyway, I owe you guys more after that shit storm last chapter, so here it is! There is a trigger warning of cutting. I will star it so you can skip if you cant handle the trigger.

Eren: Neko loves ya!

Levi: Enjoy.

Song of the chapter: Unravel - Dj Jo remix

* * *

"Im sorry, Eren. Im sorry I couldn't help you." Levi spoke softly while running his fingers through the sleepy brunet's hair. If only he could have been there, if only he could have helped him.

"There is nothing you could have done." Hanji said while coming into the room and closing the door. Levi ignored her, there was no way she was talking to him. No one could see or hear him.

"Dont tell me you forgot me too, short stuff?" Levi looked at her then behind him, then back at her. He frowned softly and cautiously said,

"You can see _and_ hear me, Hanji?"

The doctor nodded, "I never told you? I can see the dead. I picked it up when I died for a bit, but I was brought back. Now I can see and hear them."

Levi instantly started crying, something no one (besides Rico) has ever seen. "Hanji, its all my fault! Its my fault Eren lost the baby, its my fault he died! Its my fault that this asshole did this to him! Its all my fault!"

"Do you regret your choice? Do regret meeting Eren the way you did? Do you regret having a child with him? Do you regret dying for him? Do regret watching over him now? Do you regret any of this?" Hanji said while sitting on the bed at Eren's feet. She softly rubbed her thumb across Eren's bruised cheek.

"I dont know...if I didn't meet him then maybe," Hanji quickly stopped him before saying.

"Look Levi, this was bound to happen. Have you forgotten the Eren was a thug too? If you didn't meet him, then Derek would have killed him. Eren wouldn't have had the skills to fight back. Though he suffered, he didn't suffer as much, because of you." Hanji assured him with a soft pat on the back. Eren snored softly. He was so calm, so relaxed, so carefree from the world.

"So, you watch over Eren now?" Hanji asked after a moment of silence. Levi nodded, he was just happy that Eren was alive. He wasn't okay, but he was alive.

"Levi, you really need to help him. You may not be able to touch him, but you can speak to him through word and through thought, and you need to do something. Because Eren is destroying himself. Look at his wrists, he shouldn't be doing that. You and I both know that's not like Eren." Hanji said while looking at Levi, but the male couldn't bring himself to do the same. Talk? To Eren? He hasn't done that in years, and the last time he did, it didn't end well. But he couldn't stand to see Eren in hospital. Not again.

"Alright. I will talk to him." Levi mumbled while laying his head on the space between Eren's body and the edge of the bed. Hanji nodded before standing and walking to the door. She stopped at turned back before saying,

"Fate works in strange ways, and God works in even stranger ways. Maybe he did this for a reason. No one would ever know." She then turned and left out the room. Leaving the room in a silence filled only by Eren's soft breathing.

* * *

Eren hated seeing this room. It was...so bland and boring. All the white wall made Eren's eyes hurt. Well...that and the black eye that was throbbing, but he had ice to fix that. Eren managed to get the courage to turn his phone back on. He had a couple of social media notifications, a few YouTube notifications, a couple of texts and a bunch of missed calls. His vision was still a bit hazy so he squinted his eyes and tried to read who the calls were from, only for his phone to began buzzing again.

"Huh?" Eren groaned before clicking answer and setting it on speaker. His eye good eye adjusted to the phone and he quickly clicked the end button. All the calls were from Derek. Eren glared at the phone, why couldn't it have broken when he threw it? He set it down back on the table next to him. I then began to buzz again.

"Fuck! Shut up!" Eren growled. The thought of that bastard had Eren ready to punch a hole in the wall. He would turn his phone back off, but he was expecting a text from him mom. She was wondering when they would have some mother and son time, but with the injuries Eren had...that would be no time soon.

From sugar to shit, bad to worse was the best way to explain it. From being disowned from his father to beat by his boyfriend. Yea, life was just peachy. What did Eren do to deserve this? He was never rude to Derek. He loved the male, but he guessed the feeling wasn't mutual. Derek saw him as a toy for his own personal needs, and since Eren refused to give in, so Derek took out his anger on Eren. No, that couldn't be true. Eren was just hurt. He's sure Derek had someone feelings for him...right?

"What's wrong baby cakes? You're crying." Hanji said while walking into the room. Eren looked up at the doctor with hurt eyes, hiccuping softly as he tried to hold back tears. Why did it happen to him. Hanji's eyes spotted Levi and she sent him a pleading look. Levi got up from his chair, leaned over the bed and whispered into Eren's ear.

 _"Listen to me, Eren. This isn't your fault, you need to stop blaming yourself for this. You didn't cause it."_ Levi spoke softly to Eren, sensing the brunet calm a bit. Eren just looked down at his hands, watching as droplets of water fell on them. Hanji let out a deep sigh before walking into he room and sitting by Eren. The doctor began to softly rub his back, hesitant to do so at first due to the bruises, but she knew he need some sort of comfort. Levi climbed up on the bed and wrapped his arms around Eren before laying on his shoulder. Hanji knew he was trying, but what could you do when they couldn't see or feel you?

"Hanji...Im sorry. This is all my fault. Im so stupid for believing all the bullshit he told me. All the sweet nothings he promised me. I now know what he wanted, and it wasn't my heart." Eren wiped his eyes, wincing slightly when he touched his black eye. He just wished he could turn back time so he wouldn't make this mistake, so he wouldn't end up where he was.

"Im sorry, Eren. Im so sorry." Is all Hanji said, but Eren didn't even believe that. He couldn't. He didn't believe in anything. Not anymore.

* * *

"Eren, I really don't think that's a good idea." Mikasa said as Eren exited the car. He stood and stretched, groaning as his joints popped before sighing and turning to Mikasa.

"I just want to take a quick shower, then I will leave with you. No harm, no foul."

"But Eren, I really don't think its a good idea." Mikasa scratched the back of her head nervously.

Eren rolled his eyes and said, "Then you can stay out here and keep watch. If anything goes wrong, I'll call you." Eren then turned and walked to his door before pulling the key out of his pocket and unlocking the door before going inside and closing it. He was immediately hit with a sense of dread. It was a mess, and all the memories started flooding back, making his body shake with fear.

"Its in the past, Eren. Come on. You can do this." Eren encouraged himself to step away from the door. He stepped over broken pictures and knocked over furniture. He carefully walked up the stairs, looking at his claw marks on the wall as he fell. He walked down the hall to his room. It was so cold. Besides the fact that the window was open, but the room's atmosphere itself was cold.

He walked to the bathroom and flicked on the light. He really wished he didn't. Derek reached out and grabbed Eren's neck before slamming him to the ground, knocking the air out his lungs. Eren knew he should have been suspicious when he saw the window open. He just needed to call Mikasa, but Derek was squeezing on his neck too hard.

"You little shit." Derek growled while squeezing harder. Eren clawed desperately at the hands that cut off his oxygen. He was wheezing and coughing and black spots started to dance their way into his vision. His legs still badly hurt, but he was kicking and fighting.

 _"Eren, you can do this. You are stronger than him. Win, you live. Lose, you die. You can't win if you don't fight. Fight him, Eren!"_ Levi said while glaring daggers at the male above Eren. The brunet's lips were turning blue, and his tan face was getting pale. Derek was killing him.

 _"It cant be this way,"_ Eren thought, his eyes slowly closing. _"It cant end like this."_

 _"Who said it had to end like this?"_ Eren saw a male sitting on a railing near the ocean. _"If its not the ending you want,"_

The male turned to him, eyes a soft steel blue and a soft smile playing on his lips. _"Then change it."_

Eren opened his eyes back up before swinging his foot and kicking Derek between the legs. The male let go and cried out in pain. Eren quickly took a breath before headbutting Derek as hard as he could, making the male fall back, but he knew he wouldn't stay down for long.

"Mika!" Eren quickly yelled towards the window. He heard the car door slam, and he knew Mikasa was coming. He turned and Derek yanked his hair, making him fall on his side. Eren screeched in pain and kicked, trying to free his hair from the death grip it was in.

"I am going to fucking kill you!" Derek growled while kicking Eren's side.

"Mika, hurry!" Eren cried out. A moment later, Mikasa jumped on Derek's back and locked her arms around his neck. The male let go of Eren's hair in exchange for trying to pry the female off.

"Run, Eren!" Mikasa screamed as he flipped her onto the floor. She swung her legs up before grabbing his shirt and pulling him down. Eren quickly grabbed Derek's hair as he punched Mikasa. He pulled Derek's head back far enough to land a hard jab across his cheek, knocking the male out.

"We need to go. Now." Eren ran to his closet before grabbing a duffle bag. He started shoving clothes in as fast as he could. Mikasa helped and they quickly made it out of the house. Eren didn't even bother to look back.

* * *

"Ow, Armin." Eren hissed at Armin placed an ice pack his side. Armin rolled his eyes before handing,Mikasa one to put on her back.

"Are you guys alright?" Armin asked while continuing to wrap gauze around Eren's head. The brunet looked down at his clasped hands. Not wanting to speak or make eye contact with his friends.

"Im fine. Are you alright, Eren?" Mikasa masker while softly running her thumb across his bruised cheek. He nodded quietly, but said nothing. This only got worse, and he ended up bringing Mikasa in it. What kind of friends was he?

"Well, I ran you a bath in the guest bathroom to soak in, Eren. And I ran you one in our bathroom too, Mikasa." Armin smiled nervously. Eren stood before grabbing his duffle bag and walking away. He has been to their house before, so he knew where it was. He walked off to the bathroom before closing the door and sinking to the floor in a sobbing mess. Why, why did it have to be like this? Why did it happen? He looked, eyes scanning around the bathroom until sometin shiny caught his eye.

"Armin, Im really worried about Eren. Mikasa said as Armin and herself walked to their room. She sat on the edge of the bathtub and stuck her hand in, sighing contently at the hot water warming he skin.

"I am too. You know Eren doesn't want to be here, but you know we cant leave him alone. Not with that asshole out and about." Armin hopped up on the counter as Mikasa stripped and sunk down into the water.

"I hope things will get better." The blonde sighed.

* * *

"Are you alright, Levi?" Hanji said. The raven haired male floated softly a meter above the couch, eyes closed in thought. He didn't even hear Hanji, he was trying to listen for what Eren was doing. Finally, he located the brunet's voice, but...he also heard a female voice.

 _"Doesn't it hurt?"_ The female said. The voice sounded familiar, but Levi couldn't place where he heard it.

 _"...yes..."_ Eren answered softly.

 _"Do you want to pain to stop?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Let me help you. Its really easy."_ The voice snickered darkly. Levi instantly knew who it was.

"Annie!" Levi quickly dropped down to the floor before disappearing.

* * *

*Eren stared at them. The faded scars on his wrist. He took off his bracelets and stared at the old scars. Edging on whether he should make a new one.

 _"Come on, Eren. Don't you want it to stop? Just one deep cut and you will feel no more pain."_ The voice spoke softly in his ear. It was so sweet that it was almost sickening, but the voice encouraged him. He placed the scissors to his wrist, starring with dull eyes as he pressed down so hard that a trail of blood ran down his wrist and dripped into the sink. He slowly moved his hand back, watching the skin on his wrist open up. He watched as a moment later blood started forming and slid down his arm. He moved down a bit and repeated the action. This was like a love tap compared to how Derek hit him.

Levi kicked the door, but only Annie looked up. She put a curse on the door, so Levi would be affected if he tried to pass through. Levi glared at the door before walking off to Mikasa and Armin's room. He sat on the floor in front of the bathroom. He placed his finger on the ground and quickly began writing in Latin. Which he didn't even know he knew. He wrote out a message. Translated, it said,

 _A unholy vessel is in the house, and it is trying to claim the soul of an innocent. May we ask for God's guidance and help for rescuing this soul from its oncoming torment._

He looked up and watched as Mikasa did the same. She grabbed the robe that rested on the lid of the toilet before quickly throwing it on and scrambling out the bathroom, Armin trekking behind her. She slipped and fell but got back up before knocking on the bathroom door.

"Eren? Eren are you alright?" Armin called as Mikasa twisted the doorknob. The door was locked. They both heard a loud thud from the other side of the door, and Mikasa instantly kicked it open.

"Oh my god, Eren! Eren, get up!" Armin picked up the unconscious brunet. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around the shaking brunet. Eren's eyes were dangerously dull and blood split down his arm, and Armin didn't know how to stop it.

"Mika, go get some gauze!" Armin shooed her away, but she was already bounding down the hall. He placed his hand around Eren's wrist squeezed. Hard. He needed to stop the blood, but he also wanted to curse Eren out for doing something so stupid.

Levi stood silently as Mikasa came back, and started to wrap gauze around Eren's wrist once Armin removed his hands. He heard a deep chuckle as Annie walked by, but she was instantly gone. Fuck, he hated her.*

* * *

This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea, and Eren knew it. It was late at night, and both Mikasa and Armin were at work, but Eren was wide awake. He couldn't sleep. The moment his eyes closed longer than a second to blink, all he could see was the fury and anger on Derek's face. The male continued to call, and Eren even spotted him a couple of times when the trio were out and about, but Eren was terrified. He didn't even like being alone without having a phone in his hand and being close to an exit. It had been a few weeks since the incident and since he moved in with Mikasa and Armin, and he was fed up with it all.

Eren was going to finish it. He was going to tell Derek to piss off or he was pressing charges, which Mikasa encouraged him to do before, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He softly rubbed the gauze around his wrist before grabbing the spare key out of his jacket pocket, but he stopped. Did he really want to do this? Mikasa wasn't here to help him, and Eren surely would end up fighting him, but he couldn't keep fearing Derek.

He quietly put the key in the door and opened it. Derek should be asleep. Honestly, Eren didn't know what he was going to do or say. He just wanted Derek to leave him alone. He quietly cracked the door back, if Derek were to attack him, he could just escape out the door. He walked further into the house and looked around. It was boring. Eren started walking a different direction, only to hear Derek's voice.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?" Derek growled. Eren took a deep breath before turning and glaring. He was terrified, but he damn sure wasn't going to show it.

"Im tired of you. Im tired of you calling me, and Im tired off he fact that you always seem to be around me when Im out. Leave me alone! I hate you, I hate you so much!" Eren cried. Derek seemed even more pissed than he was before.

"I hate you, too. Why don't you just die?" Derek answered expressionlessly.

"Piss off, you're the one who started this shit! If you really loved me you would have waited until I was ready! You wouldn't be such an intolerant ass!" He just had to keep him distracted. As long as Derek didn't go after him, he was fine.

"You're right. I don't love you. I never did. I just wanted your body," Derek started walking down the hall and Eren instantly ran.

"But you wanted to be too fucking difficult." Eren heard Derek's voice echo down the hall. So it was true. He never loved Eren, he just wanted sex. He toyed with Eren all that time just to get it, but when Eren refused he just went and took it.

Eren covered his mouth and hid in the shadows of a different hall. He had stealth. He quietly waited for Derek to walk by before Eren swung high and kicked Derek in the jaw with his boot. Eren then ran out of the shadows, but a vase thrown to the back of the head made him stop and hit the ground. He cursed and stood before running to the kitchen. He grabbed a knife and kept running.

"You are such a brat." Derek growled while holding his jaw. Eren ran up stairs and hid in a room, locking the door. He slid to the floor and panted harshly, trying to catch his breath. He felt something drip down the back of his neck. He felt it and looked at his hand. It was blood.

"Fucking shit." He cursed silently. He needed to get the hell up out of that house. He couldn't come back the way he came. There was no way he was going out of the window. It was too dark outside to see if he was going to land on something. Eren closed his eyes and tried to think. There had to be a safe way out.

 _"Eren? Can you hear me?"_ A male voice spoke in his head. Eren nodded in response.

 _"I can get you out of here, but you have to do and follow everything I say. Alright?"_ Eren didn't know why, but he felt like he could trust the voice.

 _"Move to your left!"_ Eren opened his eyes to see Derek running towards him. He quickly moved left and kicked Derek in the stomach. Eren looked over to see that the bathroom led to another room. So that's where he came from. Eren ran to the door, only for his foot to be grabbed. He fell and cut his arm with the knife, making blood drip down the gauze. That would make a trail. He huffed and turned as Derek was about to jump on him.

Eren quickly cut the bridge of Derek's nose. As the male fell and screamed in pain, Eren ran though the bathroom and locked the door before running out of the other room. He started going down the stairs when he saw Derek again.

 _"Make a sharp right."_ Eren quickly darted to the left, finding himself back in the kitchen. There were two ways out from here. The front door and the back door. He just had to choose wisely. He wrapped the gauze higher on his arm to stop the bleeding and ran to the back door, but Derek grabbed his hair again. Yanking him back and making him drop the knife. Derek grabbed Eren by the neck and lifted him up against the wall. Eren struggled to breath, his feet weren't even touching the ground anymore.

"I am going to kill you, but no one will miss you. No one would even question it." Derek's free hand began to unravel the gauze around his wrist. Eren watched with love eyes as the bloody gauze fell to the floor and Eren's scars met the chilly room air. He hissed in pain.

"They will think you just committed suicide. No one would know that I killed you." Eren wheezed harder. He needed air. Just enough to suck in a breath. Eren closed his eyes. He was tired. Tired of trying, tired of fighting...tired of breathing.

 _"Come on, Eren! You got this, Usagi!"_ Eren instantly snapped his eyes back open. He wrapped his legs around Derek and squeezed hard, throwing off his balance. They both fell over but Eren was able to stand first. Eren knew he wouldn't make it to the door even if he ran now. He had to use his surroundings to give him an advantage.

Derek stood, only for Eren to slam the door of the freezer into his face. Eren jumped over Derek when he fell. He turned on the faucet before spraying water on the floor. He ran out he way when Derek slipped and fell into the wall. Eren was instantly out of the front door, bounding down the sidewalk like a mad man. He phone started ringing in his pocket. He pulled it out and read the screen. It was Mikasa.

"Hello?" Eren said while looking back.

 _"Eren?! Where the hell are you?! Me and Armin are worried sick!"_ Mikasa yelled. Eren could hear a car starting in the background.

"Mika! Come get me! Im down the street from Derek's house!" Eren said breathlessly. He was tired, but he needed to get as far away as possible.

 _"What the hell are doing over there?!"_

"Mika, Im so sorry! I just couldn't take it anymore! I-" Eren was cut off as he ran across the street. A car came from out of nowhere and hit him. He knew exactly who was in the car too. Derek.

* * *

Levi watched as Eren practically flew down the road, ending in loud sound as he hit and slid on the ground. The car stopped, as if he was decideding what to do with Eren next. Eren wasn't moving and Levi couldn't sense any life. Was Eren dead?

 _"E-Eren?...Eren, get up..."_ Levi called to Eren. The brunet was unconscious. He was alive, but barely. He was gripping onto life with an iron fist. The car revved and Levi knew Derek wanted to kill Eren, but the road lights instantly started shutting off. One by one, the road got dark. Levi heard a chuckle. Oh shit...

The entire street was pitch black, but Levi could see in the dark. Annie stood in front of Derek's car. Her eyes bore into his, making him tremble with fear. She just stood there. Staring. The longer she store, the more terrified Derek became. Levi covered his eyes as a demonic sound echoed down the street, followed a car speeding away

Annie turned her attention to Eren. She squatted down next to him and smirked as she eyed him.

 _"Eren?! What was that sound?! Are you okay?! Eren!"_ Mikasa continued speaking into the phone. Eren slowly opened his eyes to see Annie.

"Hello there, Eren. Im an angel sent here to help you." She spoke innocently. Eren blinked once, twice. He was confused.

"Eren. You are dying. I can help you. All you have to do," She raised her hand out to him. Eren couldn't really see, but she sounded real.

"Is take my hand." Levi instantly knew she was lying. He quickly focused on all the lights around him, making them turn on. Revealing Annie's black clothes and black wings.

"Get away from my Eren." Levi growled. She stood and turned her head to Levi. Frowning in disgust. She then kicked Eren. Again. And again. And again.

"Stop!" Levi ran over to Eren and protectively wrapped his wings around Eren and pulled the brunet into his arms. He hated the damned wings, but they protected anyone from evil.

"Levi, Levi, Levi. Are you still willing to die for this brat?" Annie said while walking around him. Watching him like a predator watched its prey. He tightened his grasp on Eren and watched Annie.

"Yes. As much as needed. If me dying gives Eren a happy life, so be it." Levi spat. He hated how Annie kept that same slug and sly expression on her face and smirk on her lips. After everything she has been through, after everything she put Eren and Levi through. That bitch was relentless.

"Look at the time. I must be going. Might want to get Eren to the hospital. Could save him and the baby." Annie said before disappearing. Levi's eyes widened.

"Baby?" He ran his hand along Eren's stomach and felt a second soul. Holy shit. Derek had gotten Eren pregnant.

* * *

Me: CLIFFHANGER! *spins in chair*

Armin: Aw, Neko. Why you do that?

Me: Because it was the perfect ending to the chapter!

Levi: Neko, not to alarm you, but...you have angry fans outside. And quite a few of them have the death note.

Eren: Yea...they do not look happy.

Me: *climbs to the safety of my roof before speaking* You wouldn't kill Neko on her birthday, now would you?

Armin: *playing with Yukine's hair* they might.

Neko: Hm...but if you kill me, no one will know how this story ends.

Eren: Didn't you tell Pinkii how it ended?

Me: Oh yea...well I doubt she remembers.

Levi: She probably does.

Me: Shut up, damnit! Its my birthday! Kill me tomorrow, let me live today and I offer you yaoi. Deal?

Readers: YEA!

Me: *turns to Eren and Levi with a smirk and gleaming eyes like in anime when they are about to cause a mess*

Eren: N-Neko...

Levi: Don't you dare...

Me: Armin! Get the camera!

Armin: Neko hopes you enjoy. She loves you, and don't forget to,leave her a LONG birthday message for her to read. Bye~

Me: Btw, if you can correctly guess my age, I will give you a mention next chapter. Pinkii Fangirl, Hibiki Loke, and LillyEvansLovesLevi, can't guess. They already know my age.

:P Happy birthday to me :P


	8. Im sorry

Me: DAMN, THIS STORY GOT POPULAR!

Levi: Don't get your panties in a bunch. 50 Shades is the most popular. You just need to update it again.

Me: Oh yea... *huffs* forgot about that.

Eren: We're reminding you.

Me: Anyway...I know I angered quite a few people last chapter, and I am here to tell you...THE WAS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG! Haha!

Armin: Neko, you are so evil.

Me: *smirks wickedly* Yea. I've been told.

Eren: *shakes head*

Me: I want to reply to a few comments, then we will start!

 _ **Lissa Sage:**_ Thank you! And I plan to make that happen, and yea :P

 _ **Sasuke'sLittleSakura:**_ Thanks! And yea, the first part of your brain is right. *eats pocky* Thanks!

 _ **Cheezysan:**_ Yea...you would be quite upset of you read the others, but thank you!

 _ **Hijikata100:**_ Yea, but I can easily fix that. *smirks wickedly* and Im glad you love the story!

 _ **Annie the Gamer:**_ Nope Lol! And I'm working it, but think...if I am dead (because you wrote my name in the death note) no more updates. No one will ever get an ending, and thank you! *looks over at closet because Zero is STILL locked in there* maybe I should let him out?

Me: Alas, its true *dramatically puts hand to forehead* only like...2 people got it right. I've been a smut writer since I was 11. Lmao, On to the chapter!

Armin: Neko hopes you enjoy, she-

Hanji: *runs in* Neko!

Me: *turns slowly*

Hanji: Please explain why I have found such explicit things in you browser history? *holds up my phone*

Me: *snatches phone back* Uh...I have no idea what you are talking about! There is nothing wrong with my browser history! *sweatdrops as I frantically try to clear history*

Hanji: Then why is it when I type 'M' the website for yaoi doujinshis pop up?

Me: Um...

Armin: Uh... She loves ya. Bye?

Song of the chapter: Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey

 _ **(Warning: You will cry. I assure so. I cried writing this. Seriously, listen to the song and try to picture what I wrote)**_

* * *

Levi stared at Eren's stomach while folding his wings back in, he was speechless. Eren was pregnant? With that asshole's baby?! As much as Levi didn't want it to be true, it was. Levi had to get him to the hospital immediately.

"Eren? Eren, open your eyes." Levi softly ran his thumb across Eren's cheek, wiping a tear away. Eren slowly opened his eyes but kept them low.

"Eren, you are pregnant and we have to get you to the hospital to save you and this baby." Levi was about to pick Eren up when the male gripped his shirt and shook his head. Eren slowly opened his mouth and tried to speak.

"S-stay...here...die..." Eren mumbled, blood trickling down his cheel. He couldn't do it anymore. Everytime he thought things would get better, they didn't and it only left him more hurt, more used, more blamed. He didn't want to move, he wanted to stay there and die.

Levi wasn't taking that as an answer. "Eren, you are not dying. I refuse to let you. All the shit you put me through, and you expect me to let you die here? You really never changed, you shitty brat." Levi chucked. That was the only way to hold back his anger. To hold back his sadness. To hold back his guilt. He chuckled to keep himself sane.

He picked up Eren's phone and hung up Mikasa's call and quickly called Hanji. "Pick up, damn four eyes!" Levi growled into the receiver.

 _"Hello~? Dr. Zoë speaking~"_

"Hanji! I need you to help me get Eren into the hospital! Derek hit him with a car and Eren is pregnant!" Levi picked up Eren and softly kissed his forehead, trying to decided if he should fly Eren there and risk trouble with God, or run and risk the chance of Eren dying from blood loss.

 _"Eren is pregnant?! How do you know?!"_ Levi heard as Hanji got up and shuffled around.

"I sense souls, dipshit, and I shouldn't sense two from Eren. He's pregnant and we need to help him!" Levi growled into the phone. Eren was losing a lot of blood, and quickly.

 _"Alright! Listen...I may be able to sneak you guys through the back, but you have to hurry."_ Hanji said. She sounded serious and a but of fear could be heard in her voice. Eren coughed harshly and more blood trickled down his cheek. Levi cursed and came to his decision, he relaxed his back and let his wings flap back out. He stretched and bent them, but he loathed the whiteish-gray wings but that wasn't the focus. He needed to get Eren to the hospital.

A few starter flaps, and Levi was off the ground with Eren in his arms. "Don't die, Eren."

* * *

"Fuck!" Levi growled as he hit the ground hard, but he made sure Eren wasn't touched. Hanji quickly ran over to him and Eren. Eyes wide as she looked at the bruised and bloody pair.

"Its Eren's blood," Levi slowly stood again, letting his wings disappear as he began walking to the back door that Hanji had went to open. As soon as he walked in, he was hit with a sense of dread. He didn't want Eren back in here, he was tired of the white walls and matching tile. Free from any color, and Levi hated it. It was no different from an asylum, and that didn't sit well with Levi either. Sadly, the only color he was getting was red, from the trail of blood dripping from some part if Eren.

"Bring him in here, I need to go get my assistant." Hanji said while motioning the two into a room farthest from the front door. Levi carefully set Eren down on the bed and kissed all over his face, coaxing him to wake back up. Hanji ran down the hall in search for help.

"Eren? Eren, baby, please wake up." Levi carfully unzipped Eren's blood soaked jacket and and removed it from the brunet. Levi went to take off his shoes when Eren spoke.

"Don't...touch me..." Eren cried softly, trembling harshly. Levi cursed under his breath as he dropped the brunet's shoes and socks to the floor, Eren was terrified.

Levi stopped. What else could he do? Eren didn't want any help, he completely gave up. Levi sat on his knees by Eren and softly held his hand. It was so cold, like touching ice itself.

"I've seen the world, done it all. Had my cake now. Diamonds, brilliant. In Bel Air now. Hot summer nights, mid July. When you and I were forever one. The crazy days, city lights. The way you'd play with me like a child. Will you still love me when Im no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my aching soul? I know you will, I know you will, I now that you will. Will you still love me when Im no longer beautiful?" Levi sung slowly and softly to Eren while running his hand down Eren's arm and leg, instantly healing the broken bones as Hanji came in with her assistant. He didn't even notice Levi sitting there as he began to run an analysis on Eren. Hanji motioned the shorter male out of the room.

"What the hell happened?" Hanji said once they were out in the hall. She looked furious and down right scary.

Levi slid down the wall and sat on the floor. "Eren went to Derek's house to tell him to leave him alone. They fought for awhile and then Eren got away, but Derek came and hit him with a fucking car! No better, Annie tried to take him away." Just thinking about the blonde made his blood boil.

"Annie? Isn't she dead?" Hanji sat down on the floor from across from him. He shook his head and began to explain everything. From him dying all the way up to his last encounter with Annie, afterwards, Hanji shared the same murderous hate toward Annie.

"Hanji, he's awake and stabilized now. So you may talk to him. Though he has no memory of anything after being hit with the car. So please be careful what you say." Moblit said while looking down at the doctor who was in tears. She lifted her glasses and wiped her eyes before standing. So looked at Levi and motioned with her eyes for him to follow. They walked in the room to see Eren staring lazily and longingly at the window.

"Eren? Are you alright?" Eren turned his head to Hanji, his expression showing his sadness.

"You got hit by a car. Do you remember?" He nodded.

"Okay. You did bleed quite a lot, that's why you have an IV in your arm, its giving you more blood. We also have more news, and its kind of bad. Eren, right now you are pregnant, and that hit with the car has out you in a very compromising situation. If you keep this baby, you will die in childbirth, but if you choose to...get rid of the baby, you will live, but we don't have much time for you to decide." Hanji spoke softly in the silent room. Eren's face quickly changed from sadness to fear at the realization of what had happened. Then, his face went blank as he lifted his hand and motioned the doctor over. She walked to him and leaned down so he could whisper in her ear, but the two words he said shattered Levi's world.

"Kill. Me." Hanji looked over at the brunet, but his face held no emotion. Not sadness, not anger, not regret. Just a blank expression. Hanji turned and walked out of the room, Levi quickly following behind her. She closed the door and began to pace the hall. What was she going to do?

"Shit!" She kicked the wall hard enough to break her foot through it. She pulled her foot out and began to pace again occasionally looking at Levi pleasingly, as if the male could solve the current issue. Mid step, she turned to Levi and said,

"You decide."

Levi instantly looked at her as if she grew a second head. "You want me to decide?! I can't. I can't choose between Eren and an unborn child! Only Eren can decide!"

"Eren wants to die! We both know we can't let him! Or else Annie will get him. Levi...you have to." She finished with a sad look in her face. It pained her to push the choice on him, but what else could they do?

Levi slid back to the floor and looked at the cold, white tile under his feet. He could let Eren live and risk the chance of Derek showing up again and actually killing Eren, or choose to let the baby live and risk Eren dying in child birth. Both choices were nerve racking and scary.

"I need to talk to Eren. To see what's going through his mind." Hanji nodded and went back to the room. As soon as the door was open the doctor sprinted in the room and yelled,

"Eren's gone!"

Levi quickly stood and ran in, and surely enough the brunet was gone. The window was open and a fresh trail of blood led out of it. Levi ran to the window and looked around, but Eren was nowhere in sight. There was a crash of thunder and it started pour down rain.

* * *

Eren watched as Hanji left after what he said. He instantly felt guilty for saying that, but he couldn't take it anymore. Nothing else seemed to work, but he couldn't believe he was pregnant with Derek's baby. Eren's brain started to panic at the situation he was in and his brain couldn't think of any possible way out. His heart began to race, his eyes began to shift and blur his vision, the white walls made him mad. He couldn't stay in this room any longer. He carfully reached to remove the IV from his arm. As soon as he did blood began to trickle down his arm at an alarming rate. He quickly located the gauze and skillfully wrapped his arm, but blood still dripped down his fingers as he opened the window and looked down. The jump wasn't too high, even though he was on the first floor and it was elevated. He grabbed his blood soaked jacket and tossed back on and zipped it up before he climbed through the window and held on to the edge as his feet dangled above the ground. If he did this right, he wouldn't break anything. He took a deep breath and let go, falling on his back. He laid there for a moment, unsure if he had died. When he opened his eyes and realized he wasn't dead, he quickly got up and began running. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't know why he wanted to go there, but he needed to get away.

He ran as fast as his feet could carry. Out of the parking lot and down the street, sprinting like a mad man. A clap of thunder rang and rain started pouring down and Eren was instantly drenched. The only thing that ran through his head was his life. How it all got worse and worse. How Derek always smiled and kissed him, then how Derek punched and kicked him. Eren's eyes welled with tears, but he kept going. His bare feet slapped against the concrete as he continued to run. He felt a sharp pain in his stomach that made him abruptly stop, causing him to trip over his foot and fall harshly on the ground.

"Fuck, just make it all stop! Please!" Eren gripped his stomach and slowly stood, leaning on a building wall for support. He started running again, only for the same thing to happen. He couldn't bring him self to get back up so he slowly crawled into an alley and pressed his back against the wall. He wrapped both arms around his stomach as it began to hurt more. Water poured on him nonstop as he sat it the dark alley, crying softly. He hoped something or someone would help or kill him, he just couldn't do it anymore. Eren winced when he felt a sharp pain between his legs. He looked down and saw a forming puddle of blood, another sharp stomach pain, and he realized what was happening...he was losing the baby.

"No, no, no!" Eren fell over on his side and cried loudly as the pain intensified, racking over his body. He rolled on his stomach and lifted his body so he was on his elbows and knees, his face buried in the sleeves of his sweater as he screamed in pain, but no one showed. No cars drove by, no people were out walking, Eren was alone. He fell down again, this time turning on his back, staring at the dark clouds and the droplets of water falling down. Everything around him was quiet as he watched raindrops fall. The pain stopped, but Eren was still hurt. His first child, and he lost it. The tears that welled in his eyes had finally slid down his cold cheeks, warming them against the cold night air. Eren slowly sat up and unzipped his jacket before taking it off and setting him next to him. He then unzipped his pants with shaking hands, already knowing what he was going to see, but refusing to see it. The embryo of his child. He couldn't bring himself to do it, so he wrapped it in his jacket and kissed the blood soaked garment. He pulled his pants back up and zipped it up before standing, holding his jacket to his chest as he walked to the dumpster.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry." Eren cried softly, his hands trembling as he held the jacket. He gave the garment one last kiss before dropping it in the dumpster. He stood for a moment, silently looking at his bloody hands before turning and walking out off he alley and back on the sidewalk. He turned and began off in the direction of his house. He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep. Forever.

* * *

Eren always loved his bathtub. It was really wide and really deep, so as soon as he made it home he began to strip himself of his wet and bloody clothes and dropped them as he made his way to the stairs before he pulled off his green shirt before tossing it of the floor. He walked up the stairs and down the hall before unbuttoning his jeans and pulling his legs out of them. He walked to the bathroom and turned on the hot water, before adding a bit of cold water in. He walked back into the room and picked up the pictures of him and Derek before walking to the balcony of the stairs and throwing them down. He walked back and took all the pictures of them off the wall and repeated the action. He took deep breaths to calm his oncoming rage as he walked to the closet in search of any of Derek's belongings to throw, but he stopped when he saw it. His bear that he had, the one with an 'L' stitched in it on the left foot. He hadn't seen this bear in so long. He picked up the bear and hugged it before falling to his knees, accepting the small comfort. Here he was, in his closet hugging his bear in his underwear, yet he couldn't bring himself to care. This bear had meaning to him, and though he couldn't remember it, he knew it was from someone special. He set the bear down neatly on his bed before going back and turning off his bath water. He stripped himself of his boxers and sunk down into the warm embrace of his water. He took a deep breath and sunk down farther until his head went under the water, engulfing his entire being in warmth. He sat there for a moment before opening his eyes and looking around his tub. Nothing ran through his mind, a thought couldn't get in his brain and one couldn't escape. After a few more seconds his lungs strained for air, but Eren didn't budge. He continued to stare at his hands as the blood turned his water a weird reddish pink color. Once again his lungs strained for air making his chest heave without any water getting in. Eren felt his vision get hazy and he began to get light headed. He had been under water for over 45 seconds, and he didn't know how much more he could take, but he didn't move. His eyes began to flutter as things began to go dark, but right before his eyes closed, he saw two pale arms go into the water before they wrapped around him and pulled him up and out of the water.

"Eren! Are you alright?!" Hanji said as Eren coughed and wheezed. Mikasa and Armin were behind the doctor as she began to pat Eren's back.

"The arms...the pale arms..." Eren looked around, but all three had on sleeves, the arms that pulled him out did not. Eren was beyond confused.

"Lack of oxygen, hon. You probably imagined them." Hanji said though Levi was actually the one who pulled Eren up and out of the water. She didn't know how, but Levi was able to physically interact with Eren. Hanji was about to stand to get Eren a towel, but the brunet gripped her sleeve. She turned to him, but he didn't meet her gaze. He couldn't. He slowly opened his mouth and spoke. It was so quiet that if someone wasn't paying attention, they wouldn't have caught it.

"Im so sorry, Hanji. I lost the baby."

The room instantly became silent, not even a breath could be heard. No one knew what to say, and the brunet didn't have anything to add.

"Eren," Armin started.

"What baby?" Mikasa asked, trying to obviously hold back the series of emotions that threatened to break free. Hanji nodded silently and stood, letting Eren drop his hand back down.

"Eren was pregnant with Derek's baby, and has been for quite a few weeks. Earlier this night, Derek had hit Eren with his car. Eren suffered some injuries and suffered quite some blood loss, but both him and the baby were put into a compromising situation. If Eren decided to have the baby, he would have died in child birth. If he had decided to..." Hanji stopped when she noticed how hurt Eren's expression was. What really had happened from the time Eren left the room to now?

"Eren, tell me what happened." Hanji said quietly as Eren moved his hand through his strangely colored water. He laid hid head back on the wall and sunk down so only his head was out of the water.

"I don't know what I was thinking. Everything was just too much. Before I knew it, I had jumped out the window and ran. I ran until my stomach hurt, then I had crawled into an alley as it got worse. I realized what was happening, but it was already too late." Hanji sighed and sat back down by the brunet, but he just silently stared into the bloody water. They all just sat silently, left to their own thoughts, but all Eren could think about was his child, and how he failed to keep it.

* * *

Levi watched as Eren tossed and turned in his sleep. He was surprised Eren even managed to go to sleep, but he knew that Eren was trying to keep himself asleep. Finally Eren stopped and opened his eyes. He slowly sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, he couldn't sleep. Not in his bed. Not anywhere. Eren let out a deep sigh and looked up to see Levi.

"W-who the fuck are you?!" Eren instantly scooted back to the headboard of his bed. Levi sent him a questioning look before looking behind himself and back at the brunet.

"Wait, you're talking to me?" Levi asked. Eren nodded.

"You can see me? Eren, you can really see me?" Levi stood and started walking to Eren. The brunet instantly turned to his dresser on the side his bed before turning back to Levi. The male was right in front of him, but his movements halted when Eren placed the chamber of a gun to his head.

Eren cocked the gun. "Who. Are. You?"

Levi chuckled and backed away, sitting back on his heels. "Our second encounter is much different than our first. Im Levi."

"How did you get into my house and why?" Eren growled. Levi was actually surprised. When they had first met, Eren was so sweet and instantly believed Levi, but after all he had been through...it was no surprise that the brunet was suspicious.

"Im always here, you just couldn't see me until now," Levi then leaned forward, making Eren accidentally fall on his back while Levi towered over him.

"I wonder why that is." Levi said while staring at Eren's eyes, making a blush erupt on his tan cheeks. Eren narrowed his and pushed Levi's chest so they were both sitting up, the gun still to Levi's forehead.

"What the hell do you mean?"

Levi frowned. "You really don't remember? You promised you wouldn't forget me, usagi."

Eren instantly recognized the voice, it was the one who helped him when he was with Derek. Actually, the more he thought about it, the more he remembered about Levi. How Levi would occasionally help him. Eren started remembering him backwards, from the last time they interacted all the way up to the first. He remembered that Levi was the one who gave him the bear, and 'L' was short for 'Levi'. After a few minutes of silence, Eren remembered him.

"Levi?" Eren slowly put the gun back and placed a hand to Levi's cheek, rubbing his thumb across the pale skin. Levi smiled softly as Eren looked at him in remembrance.

"Yes, Eren? Do you remember me now, usagi?" Eren frantically nodded while his eyes brimmed with tears.

"Levi! Levi! I remember you, Levi!" Eren quickly jumped on the male, making them both fall in the floor as Eren takled him in a bear hug.

"Eren, relax. You shouldn't do all that moving." Levi sighed while running his hand along Eren's back, but Eren wasn't moving. Instead, Levi heard loud, shuddering cries from Eren.

"Levi! M-my dad hates me, Derek r-raped me and t-tried to kill me, I lost my b-baby! I can't take it a-anymore!" Levi sat up and pulled Eren into his lap, wrapping his arms tighter around the brunet while softly rocking him.

"I know, Eren. I know. Its going to be okay." Levi cooed softly to Eren. Eren shook his head.

"It won't! Every time I think it will, it doesn't! Levi, please...please kill me. I can't do it anymore." Eren gripped the back of Levi's shirt and buried his face in the crook of the shorter male's neck. Levi couldn't believe it, Eren just asked for his life to be ended at the angel's hands. It broke his heart, the person who he once loved and had once loved him back, the one he counted on, the one he spent all his time and energy with, wanted to die by his hand.

"No, Eren. Stop talking like that," Levi cupped Eren's face softly so they were looking at each other. Eren's face looked tired, bruised, and his cheeks were wet from tears. Eren was truly the image of a broken soul.

"I couldn't kill you even if I wanted to. You and I have too much history. Though it breaks my heart you don't remember that part of our life, it has happened. I refuse to let you die again, Eren. Even if I have to lay down my own life to save yours. You have been saved by higher powers, and I am here to redeem you. Eren, that part of your life is over. You need to move past it, and I will help you, but I will not kill you. I love-" Levi stopped himself and looked over at the floor. He couldn't say that, it would cause too many problems. He sighed deeply and continued.

"I care about you too much to do that. So tomorrow will be the start of your new life." Levi said while using his thumbs to wipe away Eren's tears. His hands moved down to Eren's wrists before he pulled off the several bracelets Eren had on his wrists, showing his faded scars.

"No more of this. Promise me you will stop this, Eren. Its destroying you, and one day...even gauze isn't going to stop the bleeding and no one will be able save you. This needs to stop." Eren pulled his hands to his chest and looked down at his knees. They were ugly scars and he hated seeing them, but he just didn't know how to cope with his situations and it seemed like the only relief.

"I promise you, Levi." Eren spoke softly, not bothering to look at the angel in front of him. He bit his bottom lip to try to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, but Levi saw right through him.

Levi grabbed Eren's hand and pulled the brunet to his chest before wrapping his arms protectively around him. "Its okay to cry, Eren. Im right here. I will comfort you."

Eren starting crying, letting go of everything he bottled up. Of how his class and father disowned him because of his sexuality. He cried at how Derek smiled and called him a cutie, filling his heart and head with nothing but bullshit, just so he could get into his pants. He cried at how Derek made him feel worthless, like he was nothing. He cried at how he lost his child in an alleyway in the rain. He cried everything out until he couldn't cry anymore. He sat silently in Levi's embrace, taking comfort in the familiar arms.

"Its alright, Eren. I will protect you. I promise." Levi picked Eren up bridal style and carried the taller male to his bed. He was about to climb out of bed when Eren had grabbed his shirt. He turned back to the brunet to see Eren staring tiredly at him.

"Please...can you stay with me? In my bed?" Eren's voice was low and he spoke softly. Levi nodded and laid down next to Eren, pulling the brunet closer to his body and wrapping his arms around him. Eren snuggled into Levi's shoulder, sighing contently.

"Levi? Can you sing to me like you did in the hospital?" Eren said while looking at Levi. Levi ran his fingers through Eren's hair before he sung softly.

"I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now. Channeling, angels in the new age now. Hot summer days, rock in roll. The way you'd play for me at your show, and all the ways I got to know the pretty face and electric soul. Will you still love me when Im no longer young and beautiful? Will you still love me when Ive got nothing but my aching soul? I know you will, I know you will, I know that you will. Will you still love me when Im no longer beautiful?" Levi looked down to see Eren fast asleep. He smiled and kissed Eren's chocolate brown locks of hair. Levi on the other had hated sleeping, because every time he did he was reminded of memories of what used to be. Of Eren and himself and their happy days. He was so tired, so tired of seeing Eren hurt. If only he knew of the happiness they had in their past life. If only Levi could show him. Levi sighed and closed his eyes, welcoming the dreams of a broken past flood back to him.

* * *

 _"Levi?" Eren said softly while laying on Levi, listening to the shorter male's resting heartbeat. Levi hummed in response while he ran his fingers through Eren's hair, his other hand held a book._

 _"Do you love me?" Eren asked. Levi looked over at the brunet on his chest. What kind of question was that? Of course he loved Eren._

 _"Yes, Eren. I love you very much." Levi chuckled softly while looking back at his book._

 _"What if I died? Would you still love me?" Eren said softer this time. Levi furrowed his brows, not understanding the question he was asked._

 _"I had a dream we died. Both of us. I came back, but I later died again. Levi, it felt so real. Like I really lost you. I was so hurt..." Eren's bottom lip quivered and his voice cracked as his eyes welled with tears. Levi instantly dropped his book in exchange for giving Eren his full attention._

 _"Hey, hey, no crying. It was just a dream. It wasn't real." Levi said while kissing Eren's forehead._

 _"Levi, if I asked you to kill me, would you do it? If I died, what would you do?" Eren sat up in Levi's lap and looked down at the shorter male, his face serious. Levi hummed in thought before answering._

 _"I wouldn't kill you. I can't. I would die. If you died, then I'd kill myself. I have no purpose without you, Eren. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that silly little truce that our gangs tried to make. I would have died awhile ago, but a shitty little brat with perfect aim and dopey green eyes had saved me. So Im in debt to him. For the rest of eternity I pledge my mind, body, soul and heart to him." Levi said matter-of-factly. Eren smile softly at Levi. Damn, he loved that smile. It was the most perfect thing he ever saw._

 _"I wouldn't kill you either, but if you died, I would keep living. For the both of us. I would keep your memory alive by continuing to live. Doesn't mean I won't miss you, it means I care enough to live for us both." Eren said while poking Levi's forehead. Levi laughed and smacked his hand away before grabbing his book and continuing his reading._

 _Eren's smile faded and he took Levi's book out of his hand. "Im serious, Levi. I really think both of us are not going to live very long. It was so real, Levi. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."_

 _Levi closed his book and dropped it on the floor this time before tackling Eren on the couch so he towered overthe shorter male. "And if we are doomed to die soon? So what? I got to meet you, and love you. Though I won't get to finish showing you all the beauties of the world, I showed you the most beautiful part of it."_

 _"And what was that?" Eren laughed while running his fingertips down Levi's face._

 _"You." Levi softly kissed Eren's chocolate brown locks of hair. Eren smiled even brighter before kissing Levi's lips._

 _"Even if we were to die, I know fate would bring us back together. Even if we are different ages, different genders, different people, we will be together again. We will happily continue our life, but as long as I have you, Im happy." Eren said as he sat up and hugged Levi. Levi smiled and hugged Eren back._

 _"Yes. As long as we're together, we'll be alright." Levi replied._

* * *

Levi opened his eyes to see Eren softly sleeping. His eye was still black and his face was still bruised. He placed a soft kiss on Eren's cheek. As long as they were together, everything would be alright, and Levi was determined to keep his word and keep Eren protected. He failed him once, and he refused to do it again.

"Im sorry, Eren. I will protect you this time. Im promise." Levi hummed softly while closing his eyes again, remembering a faded past of what used to be.

* * *

Me: I-

Eren: *crying* Neko, you bastard! This is so sad.

Me: Yea, if I use the song 'Young and Beautiful' in a chapter, expect to cry. I will use it a couple more times in this story.

Hanji: Aw, Neko. Why'd you do this to us.

Me: Because. I want you guys to really experience and feel sorrow for these two. The ending will really get you. I have mixed feelings towards it.

Armin: What is it?!

Me: *looks around* Where is Levi?

Eren: Crying in the bathroom.

Me: Aw, my bad. I really wanted you guys to feel the feels. The song is sad, but its beautiful. So it really sets the mod between Eren being sad, and Levi's memories. Which, I have plans for. This is actually the easiest story to write, and it might actually be my favorite to write.

Levi: *walks in* You are an ass.

Me: *hand him box of tissue* I have been told. Relax people. They will get together in the end. Derek will die. Annie will go away. Things take time, okay? Even wounds. For now, the story will be happy. Only because I don't know how much sadness I can give you guys before someone writes my name in the death note. So, Eren will be happy for a bit, but don't expect it to last very long.

Armin: That's a dick move, Neko.

Me: Yea...Im tired. My sleep is all messed up. Im really convinced I have insomnia. Anyway, which story should be updated next? Wings of Freedom? 50 Shades of Riren? My Ticking Mind? Heartbeats like Drums? One shot book? (Cause I have a bunch of half finished requests that Im too lazy to work on) Oh, and the next chapter of Wings of Freedom will be the last. Now, do you guys want the happy ending or the sad? Or both? Like I write one, then I have another chapter with the other as an alternate.

Hanji: ...what?...

Me: Okay, let me explain. Eren is about to have the baby (btw, should it be a boy/girl? Should there be more than one? Details on the baby! Give em to me!) and the happy ending ends with the kid(s) 4th birthday, and Eren gives a toast at the party, thanking Levi for everything he has done. Sad ending, Levi was dreaming it all. He and Hanji are out of gas and are running from titans. While held up in a building, Levi collapses and dreams that they were reborn and he did those things, but when Hanji wakes him up he realizes its a dream and kills himself. I'll let you guys decide what ending you want. Anyway, My Ticking Mind will most likely be the updated one. So, give me your opinions on this chapter. Of my other stories. Of which ending you want for Wings of Freedom. Etc. Etc.

Armin: That was a lot.

Me: Eh... *stands from chair* I need sleep, or Im going to lose my mind. I would have posted this Saturday, but my phone bill needs to be paid, and I don't have WiFi at my house. *yawns* love y'all. See ya later. I hope you enjoyed. *walks away*


	9. The Road to Recovery

Me: Wow...last chapter's comments tho.

Armin: Neko laughed. She fucking laughed.

Levi: Evil bitch.

Hanji: Ruthless.

Eren: Savage.

Me: ...and I was actually going to HELP Eren this chapter. Guess not.

All: Wait, wait, wait! No! We're sorry!  
Me: Bow down and beg for it.

Levi: *whispers* Well someone is sadistic.

Me: *throws manga at his head* Nevermind. I will help him. Why? Cause its the plot.

Armin: *fist pumps air*

Me: I love y'all, I hope you guys enjoy! Bye~!

Song of the chapter: BitterSweet Tragedy - Melanie Martinez

* * *

Eren jolted up in bed, chest heaving and sweating profusely. It was just a dream. It wasn't real, yet...it seemed surreal. Eren took a few deep breaths and looked around his room. It was empty and quiet, yet warm sunlight peaked through the window, coaxing Eren up and out of the bed with a soft groan.

Today wasn't his day.

Every bone in his body cried and begged for relief, but his brain cursed him to get up. He let his feet touch the soft carpet of his bedroom floor, his eyes slowly looked down at his bandaged foot wrapped neatly and skillfully, but it still hurt like hell none the less. He began walking to the bathroom until he heard a glass break from downstairs. He turned and slowly made his way to the railing (limping softly, and hoping he'd get crutches) before looking over, seeing a shadow walk off towards the kitchen. Eren felt his heart begin to speed up, drumming against his chest.

Was Derek back to torture him even more?

Eren carefully walked the the stairs and tip toed down, wincing slightly when weight was added to the foot that was neatly wrapped with gauze around it. He growled in irritation as he slowly stagger to the bottom of the stairs. He made it to the bottom of the stairs and set off to the direction where he saw the shadow.

Walking slowly he made his way to the corner leading to the kitchen. He took a few deep breaths to steady his nerves as they jolted with a series of negative possibilities. He took a last breath and looked around the corner, but saw nothing. A sigh of relief left him, he would have let out a chuckle if only his skeleton didn't try to leap free from his body.

"Eren?" He felt a tap on the shoulder. Eren jumped forward and fell awkwardly on his hurt foot, cursing loudly in pain. "Idiot! Be careful, Usagi. Your foot is sprained." Levi bent down and reached for Eren's foot, but the brunet quickly retracted it and scooted back to the wall, panting harshly while looking like a caged animal in fear of their life. Levi sighed while softly kneeling down on the floor, keeping his distance from he brunet. "Do you not trust me? Stop being a brat and c'mere."

Levi made his way to Eren and again reached for Eren's foot. The taller male allowed for the angel to tend to his foot. He watched as Levi's delicate fingers unwrapped the gauze, making sure Eren's foot was elevated off the ground. The ravenet then stood and walked off to get ice. "So...you are really here, Levi?" Eren asked while looking down at his red and swollen foot. Its looked pretty bad. Grotesque, if you would. When did that happen?

Some part wanted to tell him it was from the car hit, but another wanted to say it was from the jump out of the window. Either was surely a possibility, though both thoughts only caused a tinge of pain to erupt in his foot. "I have always been here," Levi replied while walking back to Eren and sitting in front of him. "You just couldn't see me until now." Levi was about to place the bag of ice on Eren's foot, until he got a full view of the male.

His brown locks stuck to his forehead due to his excessive sweating, his shirt had sweat spots, he looked pale, and had dark circles and deep bags under his eyes. No way he was going to leave Eren like this. Levi let out a deep sigh and set the bag on the on the table next to him. "I'm sorry, Eren. If only I could have helped you." Eren opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He was utterly speechless.

He carefully reached forward to get the ravenets attention. When silver eyes looked up at him, he suddenly found his voice. "Its alright. I'm alive aren't I?" Eren chuckled dryly. "No..." Eren raised a brow. "I am though. I-" ,"You aren't!" Levi spat back angrily, hating himself for not helping Eren. He couldn't even look at the abused brunet anymore.

Averting his gaze, he continued. "Physically, you are alive, but mentally...you're long dead." Levi stood and began to walk off. Eren sat silently on the floor. Did Levi...just yell at him? Eren didn't take to kindly to be yelled at. So now, he was pissed. He gripped the chair and pulled himself to his feet. Slowly, he limped over to where Levi sat on the stairs, his head in his hands.

"Levi," Eren tried balancing his weight, gripping the wall for support. "Stop pitying yourself for what happened to me. I am alive, therefore you did your job." , "Yea, I did my job when he beat you up," Eren's breath caught in his throat and he could feel his blood run cold. He began to picture the scene all over again. "...shut up..." , "Raped you,"

He lowered his head, brown bangs covering his eyes. He didn't want to hear this, he didn't need to hear this. Not now...not after everything he went through. "Shut up." , "Hit Mikasa," Fuck his blood being cold, it practically boiled at remembering Derek punching Mikasa as she yelled for Eren to get away. "Shut up!" , "When he hit you with a fucking car?! Hm? Yea, that's totally doing my fucking job, Eren!"

Eren snapped. "Shut the fuck up, Levi! Shut up! Don't you fucking dare yell at me!" The air around the two felt heavy. Both males stared at each other, neither looking forward to speaking or hearing what was coming up next. Levi shook his head and looked off at a distant wall, but Eren continued. "Do you think that none is of that affected me?!" Eren yelled, making Levi look up at him. Eren should bite his tongue and shut up, but if Levi was going to pity himself, then Eren need to give him some facts.

"I was raped, I was beaten, I was hit with a car, and I lost my fucking child! How do you think I feel?!" , "Eren-" Eren growled. "Shut the fuck up, and listen!" Levi quieted down and held what he was going to say. "I am alive. I survived all that shit, and I'm alive! Stop feeling sorry for yourself for something you couldn't help with! You took me to the hospital, and you pulled me out the tub. Hell, if it wasn't for you...I probably would have killed myself by now. Everything you've done has saved me. Whether you want to believe it or not."

Eren took in a few deep breaths. "If you want to sit here, rotting away in your own self pity, be my fucking guest. Just get off my damn stairs." Eren pushed past Levi and limped up the stairs in silent fury.

Selfish.

Levi was so fucking selfish. But Eren couldn't help but to feel sorry. He wanted to go back down and apologize for being too harsh, but Levi actually deserved a slap to the face. Eren would have given it, but it would have threw off his balance. He made his way to his bathroom and began to run shower water. He was sweaty and filthy. Almost scolding hot to the touch, Eren sighed. He had to keep moving forward. The past is in the past.

He grabbed the hem of his shirt, prepared to lift it up until he felt arms wrap around his waist."Let me go, Levi. And get away from me. I don't have anything to say to you." Eren gripped one of Levi's wrists and tried to pull it away from his waist, but Levi squeezed him tighter. "I'm sorry." , "Fuck you." Eren spat back, gripping Levi's wrist tighter. "Goddammit! Can you just listen to me, Eren?! You were never this stubborn when you were-" , "-a kid?" Eren finished. "Well I'm older. You're 13 years too late." Eren pried off Levi's arms and pushed them away from him. Levi was tired of trying to reason with this brat.

Levi spun Eren around, gripped the front of his shirt, and pushed him into the shower. Not caring about either one of them getting wet. "Listen to me, Eren motherfucking Jaeger. I am not your mother nor am I your fucking father. You will not turn your back to me and not expect to get the shit kicked out of you," He growled. Seeing the fear swimming through Eren's eyes at being pushed against the wall like that, he let go. Dammit, Levi. You can't be rough like that, you fucking dumbass. That makes you no different from that twat waffle, Derek.

Wait...twat waffle? Where the fuck did that come from? What the hell is a 'twat waffle'?Levi shook his head to ignore his own inner argument. He turned his attention back to the brunet. "Eren, I am sorry. I sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have and it was a shitty thing to do,"Eren silently stared at Levi, but his face softened up."I will do everything I can to protect you. Everything I can to help you, but if you hate me, then I have no purpose. If I can do anything to apoloze to you, then I will."

Eren shook his head. Levi let out a sigh followed by a curse word under his breath. Dammit, he finally fucked up beyond repair, and Eren wanted nothing to do with him. Levi was about to turn and exit the shower until he felt Eren wrap his arms around him and pull Levi against him in a hug, leaning his body weight on the shorter male.

"I'm so tired, Levi. Its too much. I just want a peaceful day where I don't have to fear for my life, where I'm not in unbearable pain. Just a normal day." , "Alright, Eren," Levi spoke softly while holding the shaken brunet in his arms. "...consider it done."

* * *

"What broke?" Eren said finally after bring silent for almost two hours. Levi looked up from the corner of the floor he was scrubbing and over at Eren, surprised that the brat finally spoke."What do you mean? I didn't break anything." , "I never said you did," Eren ate another spoonful of ice cream. "A glass broke earlier. That's why I came downstairs."

Levi groaned as he stretched, finally being done with cleaning the entire house, finishing by scrubbing the floor until his fingers were raw. But he was dead, so they wouldn't look like that for long. "I was picking up the pictures you threw over the railing. Broken glass was everywhere." , "Hm." Eren hummed in confirmation.

Levi didn't like this. His normal loud and active Eren was now wrapped up in two blankets while eating ice cream on the couch. This spelled cliche. "What's in the room down the hall? The one with the lock on it." Eren blinked slowly, as if he was trying to process what Levi just said. He downed another spoonful of strawberry ice cream, biting down on a frozen strawberry while looking at Levi lazily. "My music room. I locked it up because Derek said, 'There is no future in dancing and piano playing, and those who do do it are faggots." , "Was the term 'faggot' necessary?" Levi pulled off his gloves and collapsed on the couch next to Eren. "This is Derek we are talking about. The same fucking asshole who raped me in my living-room and later beat me and my friend, and even later hit me with a car. Killing his unborn child," Eren said before forcing down another icy cold spoonful of his dairy dessert. "Yea...he used the term 'faggot'."Levi hated it. Derek practically ruled Eren's life, without being near the male.

Levi held in every negative emotion the threatened his overall passive demeanor.

"Levi," Eren spoke again after five beats of silence ran between them. "Yea?" Eren chewed on his bottom lip, he really was a douche to Levi, wasn't he? "T-thank you...for everything. For always being there for me and for helping me. I apologize for lashing out at you earlier. It just...what you said is something I haven't full accepted into my past. That was still no reason to yell at you." Levi just wanted to go to sleep. The first moment in over a week that both males had a relaxing breath out. "No problem, Eren."

"So," The brunet began again after eating a strawberry from the ice cream. Which was about the only thing he preferred from the container. "You are _always_ here?" , "Yea..." Eren decided to test this. "When I sleep?" , "Yep." , "Eat?" , "Mhm." , "Use the bathroom." , "Technically." Levi answered. Purposely taking his slow, sweet time to give his one word response. , "What do you mean 'technically'? Do you watch as I use the bathroom?" Levi rolled his eyes. "I don't watch you while you're in the bathroom, Eren. I'm not a perv." Eren put up a hand in defense, the other was holding his container of ice cream. "Hey, no one said you were a perv."

A moment of silence pasted by as Eren began to mindlessly pick through his ice cream, in search for another frozen strawberry. "It's not like there's anything I haven't seen anyway." Levi whispered. _"What?" ,_ "What." Both sat in silence for a minute. Eren, momentarily horrified at the though of Levi watching him as he jerked off in the shower. Levi, mentally cursing himself for letting that be heard. How else is he supposed to get his occasional private show from Eren? "Enjoy the show, Mr. 'I don't watch you while you're in the bathroom'? Fucking perv." Eren busted out in a fit of laughs so hard that they were silent. Levi cracked a smile and laughed at Eren's inappropriate sense of humor.

After they finally managed to stop laughing and fell into a comfortable silence, all tension from earlier now lifted, but Levi now had a question of his own. "Eren," He began, mind trying to find the best way to say everything without pissing the brunet off more than he already has. "Hm?" , "Why do you...how are...when did..." Levi kept cutting himself off, knowing he was treading on thin ice. One wrong step, and he was doomed. Eren raised a brow, a look of confusion plastered on his face. "Yea, what is it?" , "I," Levi's eyes moved from Eren's confused face, down to his bandaged wrists, back up to his face, down to his stomach, and back up again. Eren followed his eyes and made a silent 'oh' as his mind processed what Levi's couldn't. "Are you asking me about why I cut? And about how I feel about not having a baby?" Levi nodded, Eren let out a deep sighed, ate the strawberry he finally managed to find, and buried his spoon into the frozen dairy before setting it on the coffee table in front of him.

He leaned back and fixed the two blankets he was covered in, relaxing himself as much as possible for him to be able to speak. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I don't-" "It's fine," Eren assured. "I need to get this off of my chest." Levi once again nodded and waited until the brunet was ready to speak. After five minutes of silence, Eren finally spoke. "Which would you like to hear first? The cutting or the miscarriage?"

Levi placed his hand on what he assumed was Eren's knee (it was hard to tell with the brunet being wrapped up in two blankets like a damn green eyed polar bear. Levi wasn't complaining though, he looked adorable). "Which ever one you are comfortable with telling me first." Eren nodded. "Baby first then."

Another two minutes of silence ran between them before Eren voice rang again through the silent house.

"Honestly, I have mixed feelings towards it. I'm sad because I lost my child, a child that I have always wanted, but didn't want to get one the way I did," Eren took a breath, calming down his heart from its rapidly increasing tempo. "Then again, it was Derek's, and I didn't want that child to be anything like its father," Eren looked up and saw Levi's face held slight horror at his words. After going over what he said, he quickly tried to explain.

"No, no, I wouldn't have aborted it. I would have kept it and loved it. If the child grew up and never had a father to replace Derek, and they asked about him...I would have said he died and left it at that. I don,t want my child to grow up knowing how much of a filthy fucking pig their father was." Eren looked down at his ice cream and corrected himself. "Well, I _didn't_ want my child to grow up knowing how much of a filthy fucking pig their father was, but its too late now."

"And the cutting?" Levi asked as Eren reached back for his abandoned tub of ice cream. "They don't hurt if that's what you're implying. " Eren once again started to dig through the container for a strawberry. Levi sighed. "You know that's not what I meant. " Eren frowned. "Yea, I know." Eren carefully ran his fingertips along the gauze on his left wrist, sighing at the white bandages that covered his mistakes.

His insecurity, his self hatred, his sadness, his fear. All wrapped behind a soft cloth. Strange, the types of masks there are. "What do you want to know about them? How they feel? Why I do it? I already said that I wouldn't do it anymore, so that isn't even considered a question." Levi focused all of his attention on Eren, willing to listen to whatever the male wanted to tell him. "Tell me whatever you want. I will listen."

Eren swallowed his beloved strawberry and began to softly suck on his spoon, eyes now holding sadness. "It...helps..." "Cutting your skin as if it was paper? Im sorry, Eren, but I see no way in which that helps you." Eren snorted. "Of course you wouldn't. Not many people do. They see cutting as being selfish and suicide as being weak, but those people wouldn't last a fucking second in the body of someone who has tried one or the other. Hell, even both."

"Eren..." Levi spoke soothingly. Eren sighed again and relaxed further into his couch. "It helps. I don't know how, but it does. When things become to much and I feel like I'm going to snap under the pressure...I cut my skin. Even as I feel my skin split under the blade and watch as blood runs down my arm, I feel nothing. Sometimes I lie and say I'm fine, but in all honesty, I'm broken beyond repair,"

Eren couldn't meet Levi's eyes anymore, ashamed at his own words. "I have been strong for so long that everyone assumes I'm always alright. I fake the perfect smile and lie till my heart's content to make sure no one else feels what I feel. Sometimes, I do want to die. I don't want to be around anymore, and other times I just want someone to realize I'm lying. When they realize, I want them to hold me, to hug me and love me. Telling me they will never leave and they will never hurt me. Letting me cry out all of the evil in my head, crying into the arms of someone who truly cares and who truly knows me well enough to see past my mask."

"But...why Eren? Why can't you just get help or talk to someone?" Levi leaned closer to him, trying to get the brunet to look him in the, but Eren refused. The brunet set down his container of ice cream and scratched the back of his neck.

"I-its not that easy, Levi. I dont want to hurt anyone, I dont want them to worry for me. I...I just want the pain to stop. It doesn't hurt, it keeps the pain at bay and keeps me from fully losing it. I dont want to kill myself, so cutting helps..." Levi grabbed Eren's chin and forced the brunet to look at him. Steel blue meeting emerald green.

Levi stared as Eren began to crack under his gaze, eyes brimming with tears. "Eren, do not do it anymore. It is hurting you and your friends. They are worried sick when you pass out from blood loss. What if you die, Eren?" , "I-I won't..." Eren looked away, but Levi still held his face. "How do you know? How do you know you wont cut a vein and bleed out, and no one will find you until you are already on the verge of death?" Eren started crying, salty tears slipped down his tan cheeks as he hiccuped softly. "...I wont..." , "How do you know?" Levi's voice was stern, but he just wanted comfort Eren, but the brunet needed to know that it could end badly.

His eyes slowly moved to meet with Levi's. He looked away and wiped his eyes before looking down at his hands. "I don't know." , "Dont even chance it, Eren. If something bothers you, talk to me and I will gladly listen. Okay? No more cutting." , "Alright... Im sorry..."

The two fell into yet another uncomfortable silence as Eren deemed his ice cream free from his favored strawberries, and he politely asked Levi to get him another tub of ice cream.

"Anything else you want to talk about, or do you want me to put on a movie or something?" Levi handed Eren another container of ice cream, now full of strawberries as he took the other and began to eat the discarded frozen dairy. "Yea...I want to talk for a bit more, but that movie does sound good," Eren scooted closer to Levi. "May I...may I lay on...you?" Levi raised a brow as a blush crept its way on Eren's cheeks, turning them from tan to pink. "Sure."

Eren readjusted himself so he was laying on his back with his head on Levi's lap and his feet hanging over the edge of the couch. "What do you want to talk about now?" Levi asked while running his fingers through Eren's chocolate brown hair.

Eren thought for a moment before he spoke silently. "Er...Levi? Have you ever...had...sex?"

Levi looked down at Eren, his blank expression still present despite the question asked. "May I ask why that is a question?" , "You just asked me another question," Eren said matter-of-factly. "But you don't have to ask if is too personal. Its just that...with all that happened with Derek and whatnot...I never knew how it was suppose to feel. I guess-" Levi placed his hand over Eren's mouth, silencing him from his oncoming ramble. "Yes, I have, Eren. Not in a very, very long time though." Eren frowned behind Levi's hand and removed it from his face. "How was it? If you can remember it."

Levi laid back against the couch and thought about it for a moment. "It was always feverish, hungry and desperate, but it was always perfect no matter how or where it was." "Sounds like it was good." Eren downed another strawberry. "Mm." Levi hummed in confirmation.

Eren looked over at Levi. "How come," He carefully lifted his hand to Levi's cheek, rubbing his fingers across the cold, pale skin. "I can touch and feel you, yet you're dead?"

Levi put his hand over Eren's, feeling the warmth of the other male. "I'm not entirely sure, but you are so warm." "Really? You are freezing." , "Im dead." Levi answered. "I know that, but it doesn't seem like it. It seems like you are alive, just not fully."

Levi rolled his eyes, but Eren still continue to stare at him with those big, emerald green eyes. Shinning in the light on the sun peaking through the window. Eren then sat up. "Okay, let's find a movie to watch."

* * *

Me: Mmmmmmmmmmmm that's a good place to stop.

Armin: You, baka! Why do you always give us a cliffhanger?!

Me: *drinking orange juice*

Hanji: You didn't even help Eren!

Me: Yes I did.

Levi: No...you didn't...

Me: Did I kill him? Did I have him cut himself? Did I have Derek show up again? Nope, the most I did was have him and Levi argue, and I made up for that with some light hearted joking and some serious talking. I did nothing wrong. *drinks orange juice*

Eren: Why are you drinking orange juice?!

Me: I,m sick. *pours more oj* Seriously, you should see the bags and dark circles under my eyes

Levi: Do you sleep?!

Me: Yes. Roughly 5-8 hours, depending on the day

Hanji: wha?

Me: After being diagnosed (meaning I talked to my mom who is an expert in damn near everything because she's smart af) I found out I am always tired because if you think too much before bed, even when you're asleep your mind acts as if it were still awake. Meaning, you technically didn't sleep at all.

Hibiki: *jumps on me* SLEEP SENPAI!

Me: Where the hell did you come from?!

Pinkii: *throws pillow and blanket on me* Drink soup!

Me: Fuck soup. I hate it...

Armin: *pets my hair* poor Neko

Me: no, no, I'm fine Lol. I just need to sleep longer. I get up at 5 on weekdays and 7 on weekends.

Hibiki: You...baka! Go. To. Sleep.

Me: *looks at phone* it is 9:50am on Sunday, November 13th. (At the moment of time I am finishing this) I'm not going back to sleep. You're gonna have to knock me out-

Hanji: *punches me and knocks me out*

Everyone but Hanji: Uwah!

Pinkii: What the hell, Hanji?!

Hibiki: Why'd you do that?!

Hanji: She told me to...

Levi: No she didn't, you dammed shitty four eyes!

Armin: *puts blanket over me* We are going to jail

Eren: Nooooooo! I dont wanna becomes someone's bitch!

Hibiki: Errrrr, Eren? You are already Levi's bitch.

Pinkii: *nods*

Eren: Fuck you!

Hanji: Levi fucks you...

Levi: *snickers*

Eren: Levi!

Armin: Neko is gone *noise in kitchen*

Everyone: *goes to kitchen*

Me: *sitting on floor drinking oj*

Hibiki: Neko?! Hanji knocked you out!

Me: I dont know if that's physically possible...I pretended so I could slip away

Pinkii: It is possible!

Me: I have been repeatedly punched in the temple before, and I didn't go down

Armin: Neko is so cool!

Levi: When did this happen?!

Me: *grabs carton of oj* Remind me when I wake up *walks away and gets in bed*

Eren: umm okay?

Armin: Well, Neko hopes you enjoyed!

Hanji: Dont forget to review!

Hibiki: She loves ya!

Pinkii: *chuckles*

Levi: *rolls eyes* brat

Everyone: Bye!

 _{side note I hope all of you enjoy this as I enjoyed editing and proof reading lots of love to you yaoi lovers. Love Sirility}_


	10. A Smooth Melody for a Fractured Soul

Me: I am on a writing spree!

Levi: Cause at this moment in time, Neko is on break (not anymore) and she doesn't have anything else to do.

Me: That too!

Hanji: Neko finished the first chapter of her new book, but she's stressing over it.

Me: Its missing something! I don't know what though! The second chapter is WAY better though.

Armin: *pets my hair* Relax Neko

Me: Alright, alright.

Eren: Anyway, here is the new chapter. Neko hopes you guys enjoy. She loves ya! Bye!

Song of the chapter: Talking to the Moon - Bruno Mars

* * *

"Alright, I'll be back in a bit. Hanji will watch after you until then." Levi said as he made his way to the door, Hanji now beginning to ramble on to Eren about human anatomy, but Eren seemed just as disinterested as Levi.

"When will you be back?" Levi turned back when he heard Eren speak finally after being silent since the doctor showed up.

Levi shrugged, looking between the brunet and outside. "Time between here and there is different, so I can't give you a time."

"Oh." Eren murmured, looking down at his sprained foot.

"But," Eren looked back up to see Levi smiling at him, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. "I'll be back as soon as I can, then we can do anything you want."

Eren snorted and rolled his eyes. "I wanna eat pizza and watch a movie. A better one than earlier."

"Alright, consider it done, Eren," Levi saluted with two fingers. "Take care of him, Hanji."

She looked up from the cartoon on the TV, more interested in the blue cat and orange goldfish, though she didn't know what show it was. "No worries. I'll take care of him."

"Good," Levi nodded and turned, beginning out the door again. "Bye, Eren." Before he could close the door, he heard quick footsteps followed by a weight being pressed against his back, almost knocking him over considering the weight almost tripped trying to get to him. Levi turned his head and saw Eren, burying his head into his back while gripping his shirt, trying to keep himself up, wincing at his foot.

"Eren, get off of your foot. You know its s-"

"Be careful, Levi." Eren spoke, words muffled by the fabric of Levi's shirt. Levi stopped, surprised at Eren's more softer voice and actions, but that was to be expected after everything Eren had been through. Levi sighed and patted Eren's hair.

"I'll be fine, okay? No need to worry," Levi assured, but the brunet didn't move. "Can you let go?"

"I..." Eren began, but he reluctantly nodded, placing one hand against the door to balance himself, he let go of Levi and stood straighter, but he didn't meet Levi's eyes.

"Come on, Eren! I need you to explain this show to me!" Hanji called, carefully helping Eren back to the couch as Levi closed the door, sparing a glance at Eren's sad expression. He closed to door and turned to Eren's front lawn, maybe...he should go back in there with Eren? They had been enjoying that Amazing World of Gumball marathon, and Eren was actually smiling. A loud chime rung in his head again, reminding him of why he had to leave.

"Alright, alright," Levi growled. "Damnit, Rico. Im on my way."

* * *

Levi opened the door to see Rico, but she wasn't amused. Her expression was more agitated looking than normal. "Stop fucking calling me. What do you w-"

"Sit down, Levi." Rico motioned him to the chair with a finger. He sighed, closed the door, and plopped down in the white chair with a huff. Rico folded her hands and set her chin on top of them before closing her eyes.

"Levi? What is rule 16 of being a guardian?" She said, not bothering to open her eyes.

"Is that what this is about? A rule? This-"

"Answer the question, Levi."

"How the fuck am I suppose to remember that?"

Rico opened her eyes, now glaring at Levi. "All rules are imprinted in the guardian's mind. Now, what is rule 16?"

Levi rolled his eyes. "Rule 16, do not proceed any type of romantic relationship with your person. Nor do you show any intimate affection to them," Levi answered. "But I haven't s-"

"Stop, Levi," Rico held up a hand. Holding a clipboard with the other. "I document everything, and I have been watching you. You have been calling Eren "baby", hugging him, holding him, cuddling him and running your fingers through his hair," Rico set down her clipboard and pushed her glasses back up. "What does that look like to you?"

Levi looked off at a wall. "Affection."

"And the rule?"

Levi looked back at her, challenging her gaze. "It wasn't intimate, was it? I didn't touch anywhere below his waist, I didn't go up his shirt, I didn't fuck him. Therefore, I didn't break your stupid ass rule, so you can take that bullshit elsewhere, because Eren needs me but Im stuck in this stupid ass office over some stupid fucking rule, that I didn't break."

Rico stared at him, the same expression playing on her face with a scowl on her lips. "Are you done, Mr. Ackerman?"

"Yea, I'm fucking done."

Rico pushed up her glasses again and took in a deep breath. "Even if you didn't break a rule, you are teetering too close to it. If you are to make intimate physical contact-"

"Is that how little you think of my will? Wow, how nice Rico. I won't-"

Rico cut him off yet again, pissing him off even more than he already was. _"If,"_ She began again. "You do that, it will result in immediate isolation from them. You will no longer be able to see or talk to Eren."

Levi narrowed his eyes. "Are. You. Done?"

"Get out of my office." Rico turned in her chair so the back of her chair was facing him. Levi grumbled under his breath and stood before exiting her office.

* * *

"Damn, night already?" Levi sighed as he opened the front door. "Eren? Im home-"

Levi stopped when he didn't see Eren in the living-room. Hanji was passed out on the floor, her legs under the coffee table, her hands around a cup and her head tilted back on the couch as she snored loudly. He shook his head and closed the door before grabbing a blanket from the shelf behind the door. He unflapped it and tossed it over his unconscious friend before giving her a soft peck on the forehead. He's never told her, but she helped so much and he probably would have died a long time ago if it wasn't for her.

He grabbed the dishes off the table from both Hanji and Eren having sweet chips and hot cocoa. After washing the dishes and placing them in the dishwasher, he made he way to the stairs, but a light coming from down the hall had caught his attention. Wasn't that room locked? And why was Eren still awake?

He sighed and began walking, readying to scold Eren for being up when he really needed the rest, but coming closer, he realized that Eren was talking to himself. He stood by the wall and carefully looked in, watching Eren sit at his piano.

"Its been awhile, but you can do this, Eren. Something soft and easy, yet emotional. You can manage this. Put your fingers on the keys and let your mind do the rest." Eren practically whispered to himself. Taking a deep breath and letting out a long sigh. His fingers carefully moved to the keys as he stared at them, as if he was scared to play them.

He pressed down four fingers in a pattern, making a soft melody. He smiled as the familiar sound filled the quiet room. Looking between his hands, he began to move them to position before moving them accordingly, filling the room with a soft melody, more detailed than the last.

 _I know you're somewhere out there, somewhere far away._

 _I want you back._

 _I want you back._

 _My neighbors think Im crazy, but they don't understand._

 _You're all I had._

 _You're all I had._

Eren took another breath, watching his hands move in the dim room, illuminated by the moon peaking through the window. A curtain now a pile on the floor, no longer blocking the room from outside light.

 _At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself._

 _Talking to the mooon~_

 _Tryna' get to yooou~_

 _In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too._

 _Or am I a fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon?_

Eren slowed the pace down a bit while harmonizing the next part. Some part of Levi told him to go away and give Eren his private time, but another part was vexed by the music and only wanted to hear more from the brunet.

 _Im feeling like Im famous, the talk of the town._

 _They say I've gone mad._

 _Yea, I've gone mad._

 _But they don't know what I know._

 _Cause when the sun goes down._

 _Someone's talking back._

 _Yea, they're talking back._

 _Oh, at night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself._

 _Talking to the mooon~_

 _Tryna' get to yooou~_

 _In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too._

 _Or am I a fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon?_

Eren's voice cracked at trying to hold the emotions that were quickly welling up inside him. Wanting nothing more to he let out in the open, but Eren wouldn't allow it. He'd force all of his emotions in a box and lock it back in his heart. For now, all that mattered was the song playing before him as his fingers skillfully played out beautiful music on his piano. Levi said nothing, but continued to watch as Eren's emotions ran rapid through the song, as Eren tried to contain them.

 _Aahhh~_

 _Aahhh~_

 _Aahhh~_

Levi had to bite back the gasp that almost left him when Eren harmonized. It was full of emotion and it sounded beautiful. Levi could hear the pain in his words as he sung out, the song not normally sounding sad, but portrayed as such when Eren sang it.

 _Do you ever hear me calling?_

 _Aahhh~_

 _Oh oh oh~_

 _Aahhh~_

 _Oh oh oh~_

 _Aahhh~_

Levi almost wanted to cry for Eren. It really sounded as if he were trying to talk to someone every night, hoping they would hear him, with no luck returning. Yet, he still tried every night. Eren empowered the song, letting his own emotions flow through his words in as a way to get them out. Breaking Levi's heart, cause he knew the story behind those pained emotions.

 _Cause every night Im talking to the mooon~!_

 _Still tryna' get to yooou~!_

 _In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too!_

 _Or am I a fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon?_

 _Ohhhh ohhhh~_

 _I know you're somewhere out there...somewhere far awaaay~_

Eren's fingers finally stopped playing as he let out a heavy sigh and turned his head to the window. It has been a long time since he was in this room. He ran his fingers through his hair and huffed, he let his emotions get the best of him. He began wiping his eyes until Levi cleared his throat behind him.

Eren turned his head to him. "That was very beautiful, Eren." Levi gave him a half smile while making his way into the room.

"Oh, uh, thanks," His voice cracked again. "You're home, Levi. How did it go?"

Levi shrugged. "Rico was a bi-... Eren, have you been crying?" Levi said when he managed to see Eren clearly in the illumination of the moon. His cheeks were streamed in new and dry tears, his eyes were red and puffy and his bottom lip was raw and bleeding from biting it to try to keep from crying.

Eren looked down, bangs covering his eyes. "Yea, some old memories got to me, but look," He held out his wrists that were now unbandaged, there was deep, faded scars that almost looked purple on his tan skin, and though they were old, he need to be careful, but...there were no new cuts. "My wrists are clean. I had forgotten that my piano was my venting mechanism. As soon as Hanji fell asleep, the memories came back. Instead of heading for something sharp, I grabbed the key I hid, unlocked this room, pulled down the curtain, and here I am."

Levi grabbed Eren's chin and lifted it so they faced each other. Eren looked at him with sad eyes, filled with pain and regret, but Levi just smiled at you. "Im proud of you, Eren. You kept your promise."

Eren smiled softly and nodded halfway. Levi realized how close he was and Rico's words began to ring in his head, causing him to wince.

"You do that, it will result in immediate isolation from them. You will no longer be able to see or talk to Eren."

"Levi," Eren touched his cheek. "Are you alright?"

Levi slowly backed away from Eren, not missing the hurt expression sent his way when he moved from the brunet's touch. "Yea, I'm fine," He stood and began walking to the door. "Come on, you need to rest."

Eren took one last glance at the moon before nodding and standing, following Levi up the stairs and to his own room before he snuggled into bed, too tired to shower. Levi sat in a chair that was in Eren's room, his focus out the window.

"How about we eat pizza tommorow for lunch? I hear a Regular Show Marathon is coming on tomorrow after We Bare Bears." Eren said while leaning on his hand, eyes to Levi.

The guardian snorted. "You are such a child."

"Eh," Eren turned on his back. "I didn't really have a peaceful childhood per se, so I do tend to act childish. One of my best traits."

Levi turned back to the window. Eren never really had a normal time in his life, but the brunet still managed a smile every here and there.

"Well, goodnight, Levi." Eren turned, his back to Levi.

"Goodnight, Eren."

* * *

When Eren woke the next morning, Levi was nowhere in sight, but the smell of pancakes and bacon filled the air. Yawning at stretching, Eren sat up. He scratched his head I rubbed his eyes, careful of the one that was still healing as he made his was to the bathroom and turned on the shower water.

He carefully unwrapped the gauze around his foot, seeing it wasn't as bad as it was the day before, but it wasn't as good as his other foot. Rolling his eyes, he stripped and got in the shower, letting the hot water wake his senses and warm his body.

After spending 15 minutes in the bathroom, taking a shower, washing his hair and face and brushing his teeth, he made his way back to his bedroom, towel drying his wet hair while the rest of his nude form was soaking wet.

He walked over to his closet, skimming through his clothes until his door opened, followed by Levi walking in.

"Hey, Eren. I made breakfast. Come downstairs while its still hot-" Levi stopped when he realized Eren was naked, but the brunet didn't seem to mind. His back was to Levi, so he turned his head to the other male.

"Thank you. I'll be done in a bit," He turned back to his clothes and began to put on a pair of boxers. "You should probably knock before you just come into someone's room, you know?"

"Sorry." Is all Levi said before he quickly exited and closed the door, sliding down the wooden door. He hasn't seen Eren unfazed while being naked in front of him in...years.

He remembered how Eren used to walk around naked the next day after they had sex, so Levi could see every mark he made, but he stopped after he forgot that Isabel and Farlan had spent the night over one day, then he had cursed Levi out for even convincing him into sex, knowing they were there. All Levi did was apologize, waited until Isabel and Farlan left before he fucked Eren back into submission.

Levi shook his head, he couldn't let these thoughts and memories come back. Not after what Rico said. He was already trailing on thin ice, what he was thinking was practically equivalent to jumping on the ice with boots that had a heater on the bottom of them.

He stood and made his way back down the stairs, he still had to wake his brunet friend up. He grabbed a plate of bacon-filled pancakes, and the bottle of syrup before walking to her unconscious frame. Now collapsed on the floor. Waving the plate by her nose, she quickly woke.

"Bacon-filled pancakes?" She happily accept the plate, getting to work on drowning it in syrup.

"Just like you like 'em." Levi turned and handed Eren a plate of waffles and bacon as the brunet male collapsed on the chair by Hanji.

Eren smiled at Levi. "Thank you."

"Here," Hanji handed Eren the syrup while motioning him to hand her the gauze. He handed it to her and began to pour syrup on his pancakes as the doctor began to wrap his foot again.

Levi walked off to go clean dishes as the two brunet's began to talk about the show playing.

About halfway through the dishes, Levi heard Eren call him. He dried his hands and walked back into the living-room, both brunets now sitting on the floor.

"How much does a drum set and a guitar cost?"

Levi raised a brow. "How much did the piano cost?"

Eren shrugged. "It was free. A gift from Hitch and Petra when they closed down the shop.

"Why is this a question?"

"Because, Eren needs more instruments for his music room so we all can play. You used to be really good at drums and guitar, Levi." Hanji said, ending in an eyebrow wiggle.

"Eren was better."

Eren looked up from the TV. "Better at what?"

Both Hanji and Levi went silent, realizing they brought up a past that Eren didn't remember, and wasn't suppose to remember. Hanji looked to Levi for help, but he softly shook his head and sat down by Eren. Smiling, he said,

"Better at explaining these damn shows. What is going on?" Levi said while taking a piece of bacon off Eren's plate, knowing the brunet could be easily distracted as he rambled on about the show.

* * *

"Levi?" Hanji began while placing a blanket over Eren's sleeping frame. "Care to explain a few things to me?"

"No," He answered blankly, earning a look from the brunet. "But I know you won't shut the hell up otherwise."

Hanji pulled Levi into the kitchen and away from Eren. "Talk to me, Levi. What's going on? What did Rico tell you and why can't to tell Eren about your past together?" Levi stood by Hanji as she hopped up on the counter, waiting for an answer.

Levi sighed and looked at his feet. "I can't get close to Eren."

* * *

Armin: Yea, that's a good place to stop, and Neko is also trying to learn to play this song on the piano. Until then, YouTube tutorial videos will suffice.

Me: Abort mission! Abort mission! *rapidly starts hiding yaoi*

Levi: Neko, what the hell are you doing?

Me: Dad has found out I practically write hentai and read it. We have to get rid of the evidence!

Eren: Relax, Neko.

Me: My parents already believe I watch hentai, I don't need this added to the plate.

Hanji: I would believe it.

Me: ...fuck you...

Levi: You are a pervert

Me: No, Im not

Hibiki: Senpai, you kinda are

Me: Nuh uhn

Pinkii: Yea, you are. Do you not read what you write?

Me: *gasps dramatically* You guys are perverts for reading it. *stands* good day! *walks away with yaoi*

Armin: Neko hopes you enjoyed Lol. Don't forget took review. Bye!


	11. Tired Wings

Me: Helloooooooooo, my lovely readers!

Levi: Long time, no see, eh?

Eren: Yep, its been time.

Hanji: Now we are back!

Armin: And we have some plans!

Me: First off, there will be no Christmas smut chapter like last year. There will be no chapter from me pertaining to Christmas this year. Maybe next year I'll make a Christmas chapter with Riren and Ereri, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Pinkii: Don't worry, Neko isn't leaving you guys empty handed, shes just making a normal chapter. That's all.

Hibiki: So this is her gift to you guys!

Me: I also want to thank LillyEvansLovesLevi for helping me come up with the chapter. She actually made me think hard about what I was goibf to write. Anyway, Merry Christmas!

Hibiki & Pinkii: And have a Happy New Year!

Song of the chapter: Someone Like You - Adele

* * *

 _"Sometimes, you have to stop trailing on thin ice. To stop holding back what has burned inside, turning your soul to ash. Rise from the ashes, reborn and break the ice." -Neko_

* * *

 ** _Levi P.O.V_**

Hanji's first reaction was confusion. "What...do you mean?"

I drug my hand down my face and sighed while sinking down to the floor. The more time I spend with Eren and the more open he is. Reminds me of how he once was, and it hurts me that I can show him the same affection as I did.

"Its hard to explain, really," I tilt my head back against the cabinet and let out a deep sigh. "I don't even know how to get the words out."

Hanji kicked me softly with her rainbow sock covered foot. I turn to her as she gives me a soft smile.

"Take your time, Levi," She says. "I'll listen to whatever."

"Imagine it like this: you fell in love with someone who is the complete opposite of you. Both of you originally hated each others guts, but now you just want to love them with everything you have. You spend all your time with them, making sure they are protected and loved, then life has to rear its ugly little head in, and you watch as life fades from you, only hearing the patter of feet as the person you love is running as fast as they can to get to you,"

Hanji sucked in a breath at my words, but made no move to stop the poetic justice from flowing past my lips. "They call out to you, begging for you to stay, but even as your life slips between your finger, they're the only thing on your mind. Then, you wake up in a room with a person telling you you are now an angel and the guardian of the person you love. You watch them grow, enjoying a peaceful life without you. They smile, laugh, and continue on with life, never knowing you existed. Even though life forces them into a series of unfortunate events, you can't help them, you can't be there for them the way you once did. Even worse, when they do see you finally, you can't even express and show them the love you once had. I love Eren. Very much. I always had and I always will, but I can't express it. I can't hold him, I can't kiss him, and can't cuddle and say sweet words into his ear. If I do...I won't be able to see him anymore."

I let out a tired breath, finally getting it all off my chest while Hanji sat quietly. She hummed softly as she thought of a response, but even I know it wasn't an easy one to give. She was smart, but she wasn't social, so this was a challenge.

Finally, after ten whole minutes of silence - besides Eren's soft snoring - she said, "What do you want to do?"

"What kind of fucking ridiculous question is that?"

"See?" Hanji hummed again. "You immediately gave an answer without even considering my words. Stop and think."

I blow out another deep breath and close my eyes. Thinking as Hanji's words began to register in my head. What did I want to do?

 _Eren._

 _No. I can't. I don't want to lose him._

 _You managed this long without an issue, why now?_

 _Cause he's older?_

 _No, because of Derek and Annie._

I opened my eyes as those names rung in my head, filling my veins with undying rage. A soft foot on my shoulder had reminded me that I needed to keep my cool. Even still, they both hurt Eren and that doesn't sit well with me.

"So?" Hanji asked after I stared at the refrigerator for another three minutes.

"So what?"

"What do you think? What do you want to do?"

I push her foot off my shoulder with a disgusted look on my face. Heaven knows where her foot has been. Probably up someone's asshole. Hanji is strange like that.

"I don't know what I think, and what I want to do isn't important right now. All that matters is Eren and how he is feeling. That is all I have to say on the matter." I stand and dust off my pants, turning to the brunet female.

She hummed softly before nodding and hopping off the counter. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Yea," I say. "I can handle things from here."

She gave me a pat on the shoulder and walked back to the living-room where Eren was still fast asleep, now laying on his back. She grabbed her shoes at the door and told me to bring Eren back for a check up in a few days.

I waved her off and locked the door behind her, sighing loudly and turning back to Eren. What was he thinking about? What has been going through his mind through all this mess? Sometimes, I wish I could know what he thinks.

I walk slowly and make my way to the couch where he slept. His eye was still black and purple, his cheek was bruised, he still had finger prints on his neck, and I just wanted to kiss it all away. To make him feel better, like the Eren I once knew.

 _Kiss..._

 _...Eren?_

I sit down on the couch and look at him with tired eyes. He's so relaxed in this moment, the first moment in a long time that I have seen him relaxed. I just want to preserve it forever, but life is to cruel to let me do so. I move closer, studying the features of his face. Nothing much has changed since the life before, but he's just not the way he was.

I lean closer to him, now leaning over him. The tips of my hair brushing against his forehead. I miss being this close to Eren, to see his eyes shine to brightly at this close proximity.

 _I just want to kiss him..._

 _...just once?_

I lean down slowly, our lips mere inches apart. I can feel the heat radiating off of them. I just want to feel that warmth once more, even if its for the last time. I move a hand to his hair, tucking a few loose strands behind his ear. His soft breathing is the only thing I can hear other than my own heartbeat speeding up in my chest.

My lips are so close I can feel that heat. I want to, but I can't bring myself to do it. I want him, but I don't want to lose him. I shake my head and begin to back up, only for the front of my shirt to be grabbed.

Eren pulls on my shirt so Im moving back to him, but my hand on his chest stops my movements. "Eren, I can't-"

My heart is racing and my thoughts are jumbled. I want to kiss Eren, but Im afraid to lose him. I can't have him do this to himself. If I kiss him, I have to leave him, and he needs me now more than ever.

"Levi," The brunet began, again trying to pull me closer. "K-"

I can't. Fuck, I can't do this. Its too much and he isn't thinking straight. I shouldn't have even thought about kissing him. Shit, this is wrong. I can't let him. "Eren, stop!"

His hand stops moving and after a few more seconds of him staring at me as if he's trying to read something, he lets go. I quickly scramble back and to the other side of the couch, far away from Eren. Eren sits up slowly with glossed eyes. I can't tell if its a lust gloss or if he was on the verge of tears. The latter being obvious after a tear slipped down his tan cheek.

"Eren-?" Oh fuck, I made things worse. Eren, don't cry! Please!

"Kiss me, Levi," He whispers, barely audible. We both sit silently, but now his eyes are pleading while prickling with tears. Why is he crying, what's wrong? "Please."

"Eren, I can't. I can't kiss you." I say while he scoots closer to me a bit. I hold out a hand to stop him and shake my head even though it pains me to see the expression he sends my way. Its shock and then sadness. He tilts his head down and his shoulders shake with the tears he's trying to hold back.

"Why," He mumbles, sadness quickly turning into anger. I can practically see the steam coming off of him in a heated rage. "Why can't you kiss me?!"

What do I do? What do I say? I can't fix this and I can't tell him the truth either. "Its complicated-"

"Complicated, my ass!" He yells, making my jump slightly at the new tone. "Is it because-"

Something in me snaps and I immediately move back to him and hug him. I know what he is going to say, and I don't need to hear it. That isn't the case nor will it ever be. I love Eren no matter what, and nothing will ever change that.

"Eren..." I sigh. "Don't ever think that again. That is not the case. I can't kiss you, because I will end up losing you, and I can't go through that again."

Eren said nothing. He didn't even make an attempt to hug me back, he just stayed in my embrace. Unmoving. He sighed and continued to stare at the wall behind me.

* * *

 ** _Eren P.O.V._**

 _Pull the trigger, damnit!_

 _I had my eyes set on the guy before me. Some members of both of our gangs escaped, but there was no way in hell I was going to let this guy escape._

 _Over my dead body._

 _"Are you going to shoot me or stand there looking pretty?!" He yelled, gun aimed at my heart, but mine were aimed at his head. Either one of us could kill the other if we so pleased._

 _"Go fuck yourself, you aren't leaving here alive! If you're so big and bad then shoot me then!" I yelled back. I narrow my brows and glare at him, fingers ready to end the fucker's life, but my fingers wouldn't move._

 _He chuckled. "You talk a lot of game, but you're shaking like a stripper."_

 _This bitch! "And you talk a lot of bullshit for someone who is the shortest in their gang!"_

 _The corner of his mouth twitched and I couldn't tell if it was a scowl or if he was holding back a laugh. Either way, he still didn't pull the trigger, and neither did I._

 _It was something about that stormy look in his eyes and dark demeanor that vexed me. One thing was certain, neither one of us had the intention to shoot and kill the other._

 _I slowly began to lower my guns and he followed suit. That is, until the sound of a bullet rang through the abandoned warehouse. I looked at him and he looked at me with a look of horror. Looking down, I realized I've been shot, but it wasn't by the guy in front of me. I watched him the whole time, I would have noticed if he shot me._

 _"Well, shit," I mumbled as the pain catches up to my brain. A harsh pain rushes around the gun wound and I scream bloody murder as I hit the ground with a harsh thud. "Ahhhhh!"_

 _I watch out the corner of my eye as the guy turns to one of his members, the one that shot me, and pulls the trigger. Killing him with a bullet to the head. If he can kill his own member with no sense of remorse, he can easily kill me now that Im defenseless._

 _I place a hand to the wound that is now bleeding over my black shirt. I suck in a breath, refusing to cry out in pain at the wound. I turn on my side and begin crawling to my gun that's about two meters away. I have no idea where the other went, but it wasn't near me._

 _My gun was close to my reach when a foot kicked it out of my reach. I already knew who it was, and I wasn't going down without a fight._

 _"Hey-"_

 _"Get away from me! Im not going to be killed by swine like you! I rather chop off my own dick before I have that happen!" I slapped his hand away when he reached for me. He tried again and I kicked his leg and began to scoot away._

 _He grabbed my ankle and pulled me back. "Stop moving, dumbass!"_

 _"If you are going to kill me, just-!"_

 _"Im not going to kill you!" He yelled, this time he turned me on my back and held my hands above my head, his other hand pushing on the area above my collarbone where I was shot. "Im trying to help you, you fucking idiot!"_

 _"Bullshit!" I yelled._

 _"If I don't help you, you are going to die! Let me just help you!" I stared at him, not a single bit of malice was showing on any of his features. I couldn't really argue, but with the fact the the pain really started to pile up. "Please..."_

 _Blood trickled down my neck and it hurt to breathe. It felt like someone set a match to my lungs and everytime I inhaled was just adding wood to the fire. It hurt so bad, but I couldn't show it. No, I was a gang member. I had to show I could take a bullet and handle it._

 _"Can you stand?"_

 _A voice rung through my ear but it felt so distant, like it was a mile away and I was under water. Still, I shook my head. My body didn't want to move and I could feel a puddle of blood around my head, seeping into my hair._

 _"Shit, this is too much blood. Im not going to get you die, I promise." The male let go of my hands and tugged me up by the shirt until he was able to lean my weight on him. Wrapping an arm around my waist and tossing my arm over his shoulder, we made our way out of the door of the warehouse._

 _He helped me into a van, where he gave me a towel to push on the wound. He hopped in the front seat and we quickly were out of the lot and down the road._

 _"Are you okay, kid?" He asked as I leaned my head against the back of the seat as he drove faster than the limit allowed._

 _"M'fine, just tired." I mumbled, everything seems slow and slurred yet fast and rushed._

 _"Don't fall asleep, kid! Ain't no guarantee you're gonna wake back up!" He pulled out a phone and pressed a contact while putting his phone on speaker. He took a turn and my head spun, landing me on my side._

 _"Are you-"_

 _"Im fine," I repeat. "Drive faster."_

 _Before he could say anything , a feminine voice sounds over the phone. Levi goes on to explain what had happened, adding in how critical my condition was._

 _"I'm taking him to the hospital."_

 _My mind snapped back at that sentence. "Are you out of your fucking mind?! Are you trying to get us arrested?! Have you forgotten what we are?! We go in there, we are getting arrested!"_

 _"Well, what do you suggest we do?! I can't take you to either one of our houses, and if we don't remove that bullet and patch that hole, you will die!"_

 _Shit, this is bad... If we don't come up with a plan soon, Im going to die. The thought itself causes me to get another surge of pain to my wound._

 _"Fucking hell!" I scream, nails digging into my arm. "I don't care what we do, but we need to hurry!"_

 _The guy groaned in frustration. "Any suggestions, Hanji?! You're the doctor here!"_

 _"Take him to the nearest hotel. I can guide you from there, Levi."_

 _Guide what?!_

 _"What do you mean guide?!" Another turn and I lose my balance again. This time I slide to the right, hitting the door hard._

 _"Sorry, kid," The guy apologies and seems generally concerned, but continues to speed down the street like the devil was on his tail. "I have to do it myself."_

 _"No! Hell no! You will end up killing me!" I climb into the passenger seat and immediately regret it. My stomach catches up with my eyes at exactly how fast this guy is driving._

 _"We don't really have a choice in this situation."_

 _My heart began to rush and I pant harshly, gripping the blood soaked towel situated near my neck. "I don't even know you, and you expect me to trust you enough to remove a bullet and sew up a hole?! What kind of anarchy is that!"_

 _He pulls into a hotel parking lot, near the back by the trashcans. He quickly gets out and goes to the door. My vision blurs up around then, but I think he picked the lock, considering he got the door open and went inside._

 _"Oh god, Im going to die and this bullet hurts like a bitch!" I kick the door of the van in frustration. Is this really how Im going to die? I have had no time to right my wrongs._

 _"Relax, I have trained Levi myself for these certain things, but based off what he told me about where it is...Im surprised you're still alive. Just relax, and trust him."_

 _I lean my head back against the seat and tap my foot impatiently. If he doesn't hurry, Im going to die of old age! That...or blood loss._

 _Just as I let my eyes slip closed, a tap on the window wakes me. I look over and this 'Levi' guy opens the door. Im prepared to stand, but he pick me up bridal style and carried me to the back door. I open it for him and he carries me to the room closest to the door and sets me in the tub._

 _"I'll be right back." Is all he says before he exits the room again. Leaving me alone in the poorly decorated bathroom, blood now in the tub._

 _He comes back with his phone, more towels, rubbing alcohol and a first aid kit. He sets the stuff down on the counter and washes his hands. Following suit, I remove the blood soaked towel and took off my shirt, placing both in the space behind me._

 _"What's first, Hanji?" He says, now sitting by the tub next to me while Im white knuckling the edge._

 _"First, you need to see if the bullet is still in there, Levi."_

 _He nods and looked up at me. "Hey, kid-"_

 _"Eren." I correct._

 _"Eren," He tests the name and I nod. "This is going to hurt worse than Freddy Kruger fingering your ass hole. Want something to bite?"_

 _I never really thought of how bad it was going to be past the numbing pain I was getting used to. Considering the fact we snuck in here and no one knows that, I really don't want my girly screams to add on._

 _"Uh, yea. That would be helpful in our situation...Levi?" I test his name and he nods in conformation._

 _He shrugs, and looks around the bathroom for something to use, since we obviously need the towels to clean up. He then grabs the hem of his shirt before pulling it off completely and handing to me. "Bite this."_

 _"Your...shirt?" I keep my eyes with his no matter how bad I want to look down at the body now exposed to me. So what? I gay guy joins a gang. No one knew, so there were no issues._

 _"Any better ideas?"_

 _"That seems to be your catchphrase." I sigh and take his shirt before biting down on the material and covering my mouth and nose with the rest just in case. God, he smelled so good, like soap and cologne. If they can distract me from what Im about to feel, then fuck it._

 _"Look at the ceiling." Levi says while softly pushing my chin up so my head is tilted back. I look up at the ceiling in confusion. I open my mouth to question why my head is tilted back, only to feel the male's pinky finger in the bullet wound._

" _Ahhhh, fuck, Levi! That hurts like a motherfucker!" I yell into the fabric of his shirt, the nauseatingly good smell doing nothing to help the pain surging down the left side of my body. Levi chuckles at how I say his name before he removed his finger._

 _"Yea, Hanji. Its still there. About an inch in. What's next?"_

 _I lean my head back against the wall, my wound now stinging. Pain is now ten times stronger and I can't help the pained whine that left with Hanji said he had to clean the wound. He reached for the rubbing alcohol and gave me an expectant look._

 _"Ah fuck," I sigh and tilt my head back up. "Just do it! Hurry up!"_

 _Blood was now soaking into the waistband of my pants and I couldn't sit back up, my eyes began to flutter closed from exhaustion. Im going to die in this bathtub, at the hands of someone I barely know._

 _This...is the end._

 _"Hey, Eren?" Levi says after about thirty seconds of my waiting with my eye shut as tight as I make them._

 _"What?" I hiss._

 _"Relax a bit. Your joints are locked up and that isn't going to make removing the bullet any easier."_

 _I open my eyes to frown at him and ask him how he would feel in my situation, only for him to smile at me and pour the alcohol directly on the wound._

 _"Fucking shit! That burns like a cock-sucking, cunt-munching motherfucker!" I scream into his shirt, kicking the bathtub from a reflex. He laughs at me and sets the bottle down in exchange for grabbing the first aid kit._

 _"You are handling this pretty well, kid," Levi says as he sits down by me. "Hold out a bit longer and don't die on me, kay?"_

 _"Just take out the fucking bullet and sew the damn hole!" I growl back, quite fed up with the warm blood trickling down my chest._

 _"Alright," Levi pushes my chest back softly so my back is against the back of the wall. "Relax and don't be too loud."_

 _I nod and suck in a deep breath through my nose, letting my body and senses relax. I can hear Hanji telling him what he needs to do, and him locating what he needed, but my mind was elsewhere._

 _Even as I began to cry loudly when he used tweezers to dig the bullet out. Even as I clawed at his arm as he cleaned the wound again. Even as I shouted profanities at him when he sewed up the hole and cleaned it once more. He never once faltered from helping me, and I was beyond exhausted then._

 _"Alright," Levi chuckled softly while rubbing his forehead with his not bloody forearm. "All done, but you lost a lot of blood and you could have died. Still can, actually. Since I don't have a bag of donated blood to give you, you just have to eat and drink and relax until more blood comes to your system. Or until Hanji can show up with blood for you."_

 _"Thank you." I mumble tiredly, wanting nothing more than to be clean of the blood on me._

 _"Yea, thank me when you are in the clear of not flat lining. Hand me your shoes, shirt, that towel too." I raise a brow, but none the less hand them to him which he sets in a tub container which I just now noticed._

 _"Move back," He shooed me back with a hand and turned on the water. He sat for a moment while adjusting the temperature. Once it was to his liking, he stood and closed the curtain. "Take off the rest of your clothes and drop them in the container. Rinse all the blood off first then take a shower or a bath. I have to go to the store. I will be back in a bit, then I can wash the blood out of your hair if you want."_

 _I heard his footsteps turn and begin out the bathroom, but I quickly opened the curtain and blurted the first thing that came to mind. "Are you sure about that?!"_

 _He turned back to me with a brow raised and I knew I bit off more than I could chew. "I mean, our gangs are out there. We went AWOL, they will waste no time to kill you. What about me? You are going to leave me here? What if something happens?! I want to go too!"_

 _"If that's the case, then the only way you are coming with me is in a body bag," He grumbles, demeanor now darker. "If they are out there, Im not dragging you down with me. Stay here and shut up. Don't answer the door and don't leave. I will be back."_

 _"Levi, wait-!" He is already out of the hotel room before I could finish. The bastard is going to get himself killed if he gets caught by them! I have faith in him though. What else can I do? I can't even defend myself at the moment. This is unfair, but then again, I am a simple kid._

 _After about thirty minutes in which I stripped, cleaned myself of blood and sat in the tub lazily, Levi had came back. "Eren? You still alive?"_

 _I open the curtain partially and mumble, "Barely."_

 _"Good enough to me. Hanji should be here later or tomorrow with some blood for you," He set down a bag on the lid of the toilet seat. "I got some stuff that you would need and there are some pajamas in there too."_

 _"So, are they looking for us? Our gangs I mean?" I can't help but to be concerned for both myself and Levi. We are in this together, so I have to also ensure his safety as well as mine._

 _"Yea, I saw some lurking around, but they don't seem to know where we are and I want to keep it that way. So we are going to hide out here until the heat dies down. So get used to it, kid. You're stuck with me until then."_

 _"Oh goodie." I mumble, sinking further down into the water._

 _"Want me to wash your hair?" Levi said while walking away with the other bags he had. "Still has blood in it."_

 _I roll my eyes. "I'm 17, I can wash my own hair."_

 _Before I can even think of a quip to return with, the shower curtain flies open and Levi stares at me with disinterested eyes. My face darkens and my hands fly to my lap to cover it from his possibly peeping eyes._

 _"You sick, perverted bastard! Don't just open the curtain without my consent! Hasn't anyone taught you manners?!" I yell in frustration and embarrassment, but he continues the same expression._

 _"Kid, my mother was a whore that died when I was five. My dad is some random dude she fucked and I was raised by my uncle until I was 13. After that my life attention was spent on learning survival. As if I give a fuck about manners," Levi knelled on the floor next to me and rummaged through the bag until he pulled out a bottle of shampoo. "I have the same parts that you have, I don't care to look but I refuse to share a bed with someone who isn't clean. That's repulsive."_

 _"Hmph." Is all I say, but I still let him wash my hair. His hands were soft and his fingers were careful. Scratching and massaging softly at my scalp as I sat motionless, legs pulled to my chest as I thought. Is this really how its going to be for now own? What about when they stop trailing us? Will he turn me over in favor of getting back into the gang? Will he...kill me?_

 _I cup of water being poured over my head broke my train of thought, followed by Levi pulling my hair so my head tilted back so I could see him. "Listen," He began, tone softer. "Im stuck with you and you with me. The least we could do is trust each other, okay? I won't kill you, I promise that. You wouldn't do me any good to know that I killed a brat that hasn't even experienced life yet. Rest assured, Im here to help and protect you."_

 _He let go of my hair and stood. "Let that water out, and wash up and get dressed. As for food, we're eating cereal tonight. Shitty hotel room only has a fridge and microwave. Doesn't leave us with many meal options."_

 _He shrugged with a deep sigh and walked out of the bathroom. What was his motive? Why was he helping me? Why didn't he kill me when he had the chance?_

 _Why didn't **I** kill him when **I** had the chance?_

 _I shake my head. No need to stress over it. I didn't kill him and in exchange he saved my life. That's good karma for me._

 _I pull the stopper of the drain and turn the shower water back on as my pinkish colored water drains from the tub, ridding me of the last bit of blood on me. After finding soap in the bag Levi set down for me, I wash up carefully and get out. After towel drying myself with a towel Levi had brought in during some part of my shower, I get dressed in some gray sweatpants and a simple white t-shirt. Something Levi bought me. Though, I don't put the t-shirt on yet since I still need gauze over this wound._

 _I still don't understand why he is being so nice to a brat like me. What is he hoping to gain? Whatever it is, I ain't giving it to him. Huffing, I open the bathroom door with a shirt in one hand and gauze in the other._

 _"Hey, Levi. Thanks for the stuff. Can you help me with the g-" I stop when I see him sitting on the floor at the floor of the bed, a styrofoam bowl full of Fruity Pebbles in hand while he is nonchalantly watching Spongebob. The TV was muted and he had subtitles on._

 _"Hm?" He hums, now directing his attention at me._

 _"How old are you? 5?"_

 _He rolls his eyes and eats another spoonful of cereal. "Im 19, now come here so I can put the damn gauze on." He sets the bowl to his right and pats the space to his left, in which I walk to and sit down, handing him the gauze._

 _He skillfully wraps it over my upper chest so it covers the wound but isn't too tight or clunky. I thank him and put my shirt on and climb into bed._

 _"You need to eat something." I hear him say as I relax into my pillow._

 _"Im not hungry."_

 _"Bullshit," He calls. "Even if that is true, you just lost a bunch of blood. You need as much energy as you can get."_

 _I roll my eyes to the left, only to be hit in the head with a box of cereal. "What the hell, Levi! Don't go throwing shit at me-!"_

 _I stop once he takes off his shirt, which I just now realized he put another on since I had the other. "Don't get your panties in a twist. Im going to go shower and clean the bathroom. Don't answer the door or make too much noise."_

 _With that, he left into the bathroom. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with him? He acts so kind to someone he doesn't know. I could be plotting against him, but he still shows me affection. Why me? What the hell have I done to deserve it?_

 _I groan in frustration and throw the blanket over my head. Why was this guy so hard to read? Whatever. Its just something I have to deal until the coast is clear._

 _After about an hour of me waking up and dozing off again from the pain, Levi exists the bathroom. I pull the blanket down to eye him carefully. He's towel drying his hair while wearing black pajama pants and a black shirt to match. He walks to the TV and turns it off before sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling up a bag he set on the floor._

 _"I know you aren't sleep, Eren. I could hear your pained whines in the shower," he tosses the bag to me. "There are some pain killers in there. Take about three and you should be good until morning."_

 _He stands and gets a styrofoam cup from another bag and pours it half full with milk and hands it to me. "Milk will coat your stomach and keep you from puking."_

 _"And how do you know this?" I say while downing the first pill._

 _"Ever read a book? Its basic knowledge. Just take it so we can go to sleep. We need to figure out what we are going to do until they stop tailing our asses."_

 _"Any idea how long that's going to take?" I swallow the other two pills and finish the rest of the milk. Setting the cup down on the nightstand, I sit up a bit as Levi checks the window, then checks the hallway._

 _"No idea. Lets just hope we live until tommorow, kid." Levi sets the towel he was using on the back of a chair in the room and climbs into bed next to me. I turn back on my side opposite of him and pull the blanket up to my chin. Sharing a bed...with another guy? That spells trouble in my rainbow colored book._

 _"Night, Eren."_

 _Does he really mean good?_

 _"Good night, Levi."_

 _After about a week of staying in this hotel, the heat died down a bit. So Levi suggested we move locations, possibly switch towns. One that was closer the hospital where his friend, Hanji, worked and closer to some of his friends who could help us. I agreed, as long as I was sure he wouldn't be harmed._

 _"Run the plan by me one more time." I climb on the bed, pulling off my shirt once Im situated. Levi looks through the first aid kit and grabs the gauze and medical tape before climbing on the bed with me._

 _"Well, we have to stock up on food for the trip, so we need to go the store before we leave," Levi carefully undid the tape binding the bandages wrapped around my upper body. I lift my arms and set them on top of my head as he slowly undoes the gauze. "We'll do that in a bit."_

 _"Okay, what else?" I say once he removed the gauze. He seemed to wince slightly at the mark forming, but I gave him a reassuring smile. How could I not? If it wasn't for him, I would have died. He could have left me in that wearhouse to die, but he didn't, so I need to repay my debts to him._

 _"We have to clean this room, get rid of all evidence that we were here." He shrugs halfway and begins wrapping gauze over my chest, eyes focused._

 _"After that?" I ask, holding my breath as he moves closer to me, making sure the gauze over the wound wasn't too tight. He still smells good, he always does. This is what I have come to notice._

 _"We leave at sunset. The first checkpoint should be around 3am. The next two days will follow suit with us switching who drives. We should be at Farlan's house three days from now. If all goes well, we may get there sooner. Or we could get gunned down like animals, but let's hope that doesn't happen."_

 _"And if it does?" I raise a brow._

 _"Then Im shooting everyone, no problem. I may not survive that though, so I made plans with Hanji on getting you there safely just in case I meet my unfortunate demise sooner than expected."_

 _"You aren't going to go alone. If you get gunned down, then expect me to die beside you, Levi."_

 _He snorts. "Really, kid. You have to be stupid as hell if you think Im going to let you die like that._

 _Again? God, why is he so stubborn? Why can't he just let me help him? If he dies, Im going down with him. He always makes it seem like Im a scared little kid who needs protecting all the damn time. I need to show him Im old enough to fight this battle with him._

 _"Im not a kid, you know..." I mumble looking off at the floor once he looks up at me, hands still working on the gauze. "If I want to die helping someone I care about, then who the hell are you to stop me?"_

 _"You're a suicidal bastard."_

 _I look back at him now that his eyes aren't on me. This guy...Levi...has helped me from minute one and hasn't even asked for anything in return. Why was he so kind? How did a child with a sad backstory go out of his way to help me, someone who has always gotten what I wanted without having to lift a finger._

 _Why? What is he doing to my head? Making me want nothing more than to lay down my life for him if its needed. One week. Its been one week and I already want to be the center of his world. The hell is wrong with me? Did I get shot in the head too? Did my head hit something to hard and knocked out my common sense?_

 _Even if it did...I can't seem to give a damn._

 _"There, its done. Try not to move too much though," Levi carefully put tape over the end of the gauze, running his hand against it. "It would be a pain in the ass if you busted your stitches."_

 _He wrapped up the rest of the gauze. "You would sew it back up for me, right?"_

 _"Of course, kid-" Levi looked up at me and stopped moving all together, giving me the chance to really study how he looks. He looks exhausted, but it doesn't show unless you really focus on him. His eyes look silver with a blue hue to them. He's pale, but not in a sickly way. He's actually pretty cute._

 _I don't know why, but I want to kiss him. He would probably shoot me if I tried, but why not? Ive been shot before. What's wrong with taking one more bullet? "Hey, Levi...C-"_

 _Before I can finish my sentence, Levi pushes our lips together and can feel my heart running marathons in my chest._

 _He...kissed me._

 _It was nothing more than a simple lingering peck before he pulled back, but I was still happy._

 _"Im glad I didn't let you die." He smirks softly at me as my face darkens a shade. Im not going down like that. I raise my hand and place my index and ring finger against his head, curling the other two and raising my thumb, I say,_

 _"Bang," He sends me a questioning look and I laugh. "Im glad I didn't pull the trigger."_

* * *

I break from Levi's hug and scoot back while involuntaringly moving my hand to my collarbone where I have a birthmark. Same as in my dream, that's where I was shot. Why was it so vivid?

Why do I keep having dreams about Levi? And its as if I knew him before. The dreams are never in order, but I can tell they all fit somehow. This dream was different though. It was like we were complete strangers, getting to know each other for the first time. Different from my other dreams in which we already know each other. Why is that?

"Eren?" Levi's voice breaks my train of thought. Why is he calling me? Oh yea...I backed away from him. Why wont he kiss me? He did it in my dream without me even asking, why can't he do it now?

"Why is it complicated? Why will you lose me if you kiss me? How can you lose me if you never made me yours?" I mumble, not bothering to look at him. Quite frankly, I don't want to hear his bullshit. I already know a sliver of what he is going to say, so why do I still listen?

"It just is, Eren. I can't do it."

Why can't he just answer the question? It isn't that hard. A simple question that can get answered with one sentence. Why is he so confusing? Even in my dream, he had me questioning my own mind. Im not going to let that get to me. That was a dream, and this is reality. "Prove it, and kiss me."

Levi's normal expression falters for a split second and I know that I can get him to tell me the truth. "What? No, Eren."

"Then I wont believe you," I scoot closer to him. Im going to get him to tell me, or Im going to kiss him myself.

"If you can't prove it, then I have no reason to believe you." I reach forward to grab Levi's shirt and pull him to me, but what he says stops me dead in my tracks.

 _"Leave."_

I stop. Leave? Leave to where? Why do I have to leave? What is wrong with him?! He doesn't like me?! After all he's said and done, he doesn't have feelings for me? Not even a bit? "W-what? What do you mean leave?"

Levi didn't look at me anymore, and it shattered my heart to pieces that he wouldn't even look at me. Like I was something too ugly or disgusting to look at. "We can't stay near each other at the moment. Either you leave the room or I will. I don't give a damn, but Im not staying near you."

I can't believe I heard that. He...he...he doesn't care about me or what I want? Even after I spill my heart to him, he doesn't see it? I...I love him...but like Derek, the feeling wasnt mutual.

"Don't waste your fucking energy!" I growl, getting off the couch, trying my hardest to keep the tears at bay. "I'll leave!"

"Eren-" Only then did he look at me, as if he was on the verge of tears as well, but he obviously doesn't give a shit. So why should I?

"Go to hell!" I snatch a blanket and pillow off the couch and storm off to my music room, slamming and locking the door behind me. I slide down the door and pull my knees to my chest.

"I love you, Levi...why can't you see that?"

* * *

Me: Haha! You guys thought it was going to end happy?! You thought I was going to spare you guys the emotional trauma and tears just because it was Christmas?! Have you guys forgotten what story this was and how much of a fucked up little shit I am? Haha, I spare no one. Ah, what a wonderful gift. Past love and present heartbreak.

Lilly: NEKO! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ALWAYS TORTURING MY BABIES?!

Pinkii: NEKOOOOOOOOOOO! ;-;

Hibiki: YOU RUDE BAKA!

Me: Save the death threats until New Years. Anyway, Happy Holidays and have a Happy New Year! Tell me you gifts in the review, I would love to hear it!


	12. Drunken Devastation

Me: Well, are you happy, Lilly? I finally updated *pouts and drinks coffee*

Pinkii: *Climbs in my lap and takes cup of coffee and drinks from it* This is mine now.

Me: Can I have it back-

Pinkii: No.

Lilly: Yes I am! I had to pester you about it enough.

Hibiki: Pester is the keyword here.

Lilly: Whatever! Enough talking! Let's get it started!

Me: Enjoy!

Song of the chapter: Castle - Halsey

* * *

 _ **Eren P.O.V**_

I was used to this by now, sadly. Being alone, and being rejected. I just didn't expect it to be from someone I cared about so much. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like breaking down and crying all over again. Why...why?! It was unfair, all of it was unfair... Someone who had finally cared about me and took care of me was so quick to cast me aside. I've come so far with Levi only to be pushed away. All men are the same and once again I was pushed back in a loop of despair with no help of being pulled out of it this time.

"Damnit," I growled, wiping away the stray tears that ran down my cheeks. "Why me?"

I pulled his knees to my chest and shrunk further into my corner. No matter how much I try to say it isn't so, I can't deny that I love Levi. He's been there for me for so long and knows me better than I know myself. His looks don't matter to be, but he has a heart of gold to die for. Why can't it be mine? Why can't I be his, and he mine. Fate surely is cruel, but I learned that earlier on in life. People will always be the same, you will always meet the same type of person and it will make you sick to think and to know things will always be the same. A viscous cycle, only ended by death. That, I have welcomed awhile ago.

I look over at my piano, silently waiting for my presence to awaken its beauty in a series of notes, though my legs and fingers refuse to let me call forth the will to do so. Even my body has rejected me. Why am I not surprised? Surely this isn't normal, but I can't seem to care. I'm too slumped to even move a muscle. My lack of eating and sunlight surely hasn't helped either. I only leave to shower, and even so, I avoid all contact with Levi.

I lick my lips slowly and breathe out through my nose. It's just me against the world.

 _seoreoun mameul moti gyeo_

jammotdeuldeon eodun bameul ddo gyeon digo

naejeol manggwan sanggwan eopsi

musimhagedo achim eunnal kkaeune

sangcheoneun saenggakboda sseurigo

apeumeun saenggakboda gipeoga

neol wonmanghadeon sumanheun bami naegenjiokgata

I sing slowly, remembering the foreign words that plagued my head with their melody. I unravel my arms from my legs and lean back against the wall, slowly sliding my legs down.

 _nae gyeote isseojwo naege meomulleojwo_

ne soneul jabeun nal nohchi jimarajwo

ireohke niga hangeoreum meoreojimyeon

naega hangeoreum deo gamyeon dwe janha

haruedo sucheonbeonssik

ni moseubeul dwe nwe igo saenggakhaesseo

naege haetdeon mojin maldeul

geussaneulhan nunbic chagaun pyojeongdeul

I find myself standing and walking to my piano and sitting. Uncovering the keys I let my mind take over the keys as they match the song immediately. Even as I focus on the words, Levi is still in the back of my head, and how he pushed me away is stuck in my cracked and broken heart.

 _neoncham yeppeun saram ieotjanha_

neoncham yeppeun saram ieotjanha

jebal naege ireoji marajwo neon nal jal aljanha

I shake my head, clearing the thoughts as the next part picks up.

 _oh girl_

geuddae gabyeopge han mari

jinjja gabyeopge mandeureo, uri sail

iksukham iranke mueotboda museounjul molla

ni sokmamdo molla, gyeolgug huhoe gadeukhan neowaui ibyeolkkaji

nali galsurog keojyeoga, ni binjarin

Oh shit, areumdapdeon

uri kkocbate mureul jwobwado, da

chueokdeulman mangaehanchae

geuriumui hyangman ppumeo nawa

neol dasi bolsuitdamyeon na,

nae modeun geor boyeojugopa

neol kkwag ana ttwigoitneun nae mam

kkog da neoege jeonhagopa na

for real for real

i jinsimi nipume angilttaekkaji

I relax again, having my muscles tense from momentary anger. I need to calm down. This is suppose to calm me, yet its doing the opposite. I find my hands slowing down along with the volume of my voice.

 _geunyang nal anajwo nareul jom anajwo_

amu mal malgoseo naege dallyeowajwo

werobgo buranhagiman hanmameuro

ireohke neol gidari go itjanha

nan neoreul saranghae nan neoreul saranghae

gin chimmok sokeseo sori nae wechilge

eoriseokgo nayakhagiman han nae maeumeul

My hands finally stop and I stare at them. What else am I supposed to feel? What else am I supposed to do? Why do I feel so conflicted and confused? Questions are what I ask and more questions is what I receive, all without a single answer. What's my purpose? Why am I here? Why has life went down the moment I find a ray of happiness? Maybe I need to stay in the darkness, hiding away every insecurity and abnormality I hold deep inside.

Is that it? Is there no other way to live but to blindly accept every ounce of life, regardless of if it's correct or just. Fraying my nerves with injustice and disappointment, but I am one grain of sand on a beach. No way to move freely or voice my opinions. Leisurely being pulled away against my will in a doomed and predetermined future.

A buzzing noise in the corner interrupts my poetic spiral into insanity. I stand and walk to it. Grabbing it, I read that it's a call from Mikasa. I haven't heard from her in awhile. Sliding down to the floor, I answer the call.

"Hello?" I answer, voice sounding more hoarse and cracked than it did a minute ago when I was singing.

I hear a gasp of recognition. _"Eren? Is that you?"_

"Well this is my phone. At least...it was last time I checked. I could be mistaken. What day is it?

 _"Have you still not left that room?!"_ My silence is all she needed, being the loudest scream for help to her. _"Oh, Eren..."_

"Is there any particular reason for why you called me?" I know it sounded harsh, but quite frankly I wanted to be left alone.

 _"Yea...Armin and I were heading out for drinks tonight, and we wanted to know if you would come with-"_

I cut her off. "No."

 _"Why not? It's not like you have anything to do! You sit huddled up in a ball, withering away and loathing in your own self pity!"_

"I don't want to go." Simple.

 _"Just one drink. Please, Eren. We haven't seen you since..."_ She trailed off, already knowing the sensitivity of the topic. _"Eren...please."_

I sigh and look over at the door across the room. I need to get out, don't I? I rarely leave and when I do I'm too worried about something else that I completely ignore Levi's presence. I don't even know if he is still here, but if he is, I don't want to see him.

"Fine," I say finally after about five minutes of silence. "Pick me up at 8."

 _"Alright! Jaa nee, Eren!"_

And with that, the call ended.

I remove my phone from my ear and stare at the screen for no reason. Nothing particularly interesting about it, but neither is life in general.

"When did I begin to think like this?" I once again found myself a questioning something that I couldn't answer. Not logically, of course.

I sunk back against the wall and wrapped myself in my blanket, only for me to realize I needed to use the bathroom. _Fuck my life._

Standing and stretching until my bones made a cringing, bone cracking sounds. Followed by my fingers and neck being cracked as well. Being curled up in a ball locks up all your joints. I sluggishly walk to the door and open it slowly, shielding my eyes from the blinding light. It has to be around afternoon time.

Of course, the house it still clean since I wasn't out to mess it up. I step out a foot at a time, a soldier on enemy lines, baited with landmines. One wrong step, and I was done for. I just have to make it by the living room, and to the bathroom and I'm home free. Then again, I want to shower, so I would have to go upstairs... _shit!_

I grumble to myself and begin walking towards the stairs, until a figure in the corner of my eye caught me off guard.

 _Levi_

He was sitting on the couch, drinking a cup of tea with his wings wrapped around him. Now that I think about it, it is kinda chilly in here. Why didn't he grab a blanket from my room? It's not like I would have noticed. Knowing that he was there made my heart hurt, my knees weak, my fists clench and my eyes water. Yet he didn't see. It was like I was the one who was invisible this time.

Shit, what am I doing? I need to get upstairs while he is still preoccupied. I have to-

 _Hiccup._

D-did I just?...

Levi looked up and saw me standing there with tears in my eyes, now streaming down my face. I could see that hurt had stuck him dead in the heart and he instantly set his cup down and called out to me. I didn't want to hear it, not his voice or his words.

"Leave me alone!" I turned on my heel and bound up the stairs, two at a time. I almost slipped, but I made it to the top and ran towards my room.

By the time I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me, Levi was already knocking.

"Eren? Eren, please open up."

I slid down the door and to the floor, covering my mouth to silence the pitiful whimpers I was letting out. I need to be quiet, I can't let him know how badly hurt I am. No, I need to be strong.

"Eren, please don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry, Eren."

"Fuck off, I don't want to hear it!" I yell, full on crying and hiccuping worse than before. I hear a soft thud followed by a dragging sound, Levi is now leaning on the door like me.

"Eren, please listen to me..." I can hear the broken tone in his voice. He's trying to be strong too. The damage is already done, I don't care if he cries. He can't fix it.

"I don't want to hear it!" I cry. "You made yourself clear!"

Levi spoke louder this time. "But you haven't! Why are you so mad?! You blew this way out of proportion!"

"I did?! You pushed me away!"

"Because I can't be like that with you!"

"Why?!"

"Eren..." He spoke my name softly, calming some of my senses. Almost like his voice was a drug. "I just can't..."

"Why?..."

"It's complicated-"

"Bullshit!"

"Goddamnit, Eren! Can you fucking listen for a second?!"

"I don't have shit to hear, because you have nothing to tell!"

"It's not simple, Eren-"

"Just fucking tell me!" I finally yell, silencing us both. No, I'm not even going to give him room to speak. For once, he needs to listen to me. "Tell me or leave me! I don't care! So many people have left me and hurt me! I only have a few friends left, and even they can't help me!" I cried harder, no longer able to keep all these feelings in. "I'm so tired of this shit! When is life going to get better?! When can I smile and be happy?! Huh, can you fucking answer me that, Levi?! Cause you apparently couldn't answer any other question!"

"Shut the hell up! I can't be that way with you because of the fucking rules! Do you really think I don't want to hug you?! To kiss you?! I can't! If I do, then I will be banned from seeing you!" A soft pause runs between us before he speaks againg, softer this time. "I don't want to leave you too, Eren! That would kill me..."

I stop and wipe my eyes. Rules? He has rules?

"Levi?..." I mumble softly. "What do you mean?"

Levi's sigh filled the quiet house. "I just can't, Eren. If I do, I'll be forced to leave you."

I said nothing. What could I say? I've been yelling and shutting myself away from him, and he was just doing it to keep me with him. He could have just told me that! No...he probably wasn't even allowed to, but he broke a rule to keep me. Why...why do I always mess things up? I'm a fuck-up, a mistake. Everyone would be better off without me.

"Please, leave me," I find myself speaking almost inaudibly.

"Eren-"

"I have to pee. Please go." I say again, this time more firmly. He sighs softly and I hear him stand and walk away, closing my bedroom door behind him.

In the silence of the bathroom, I was becoming deaf to the screams in my head, engulfing me into a silent insanity. As always, I suffered in silence. Even as my eyes blew wide and I clawed at my skin, trembling in disgust, I was silent. I've already troubled Levi enough, and no one else was going to help me. No, I am always the one to help, and others vanish when the favor needs to be returned. As my anxiety makes my world spin, I resist the urge to scream. I refuse to send Levi running to save me. I wrists are red from me scratching them and I'm panting unnaturally. I have to calm down, please, someone save me.

I lean my head back against the wall. If I look through the mirror, this will never end. God, please. Someone help me... I'm tired of suffering alone, but I don't wish this on anyone. I just want it to stop. My head is scrambled and my thoughts are screaming in my head. Even as I cry and beg for help, I do nothing. I need to pull myself together. My hands move to my hair and I yank harshly, pulling my head to my knees. My heart is running marathons and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"Please, please! Someone save me! Kill me! Make it all stop! I'm begging you!" I cry into my knees, my body tense and aching. Think positive!

 _Die_

Cut

No one likes you

Murderer

Fagot

Worthless

Die

Die

DIE!

Then everything stopped.

When I opened my eyes, I was on the bathroom floor, curled up in a ball. Once again, I lost myself to the darkness. I don't know how much longer I will be able to keep it away. I have to be strong. For Levi.

* * *

I walk past Levi without a word. Even as he wishes me well, I say nothing. Just sent him a curt nod of the head before exiting through the front door and down the three steps. Making my way to Armin's car. Mikasa was first to jump out and grab me in a bone crushing hug.

"Mika...a-air...I need i-it..." I wheeze, forgetting how strong she was. Or maybe I had gotten weaker?

"Sorry, Eren," She stops and let's out a soft snicker. She stopped when her eyes fully caught my face. She sets a hand to my cheek. "Your bruises...they-"

"Make-up," I stop her, removing her hand from my face. "Don't get too ahead of yourself, wounds don't heal that easily."

The mood darkens and I can sense I pushed Mikasa into a corner that even she couldn't talk her way out of. It's not like I meant to make it like that, but they haven't been through what I have. They can't even compare to the hell I've endured. Not even close. Things aren't as simple and as happy as they seem.

"Come on!" Armin's voice breaks the silence and I let out a sigh of relief, any longer, I would have surely been dead, hanged by the asphyxiating silence. "The night is still young, and we have shots to take!"

I raise a brow and Mikasa facepalms at Armin's terrible doctor's pun. After another two minutes of light laughing, we were ready to go. I climb in the backseat, and Mikasa goes in the front.

We began off down the road but my eyes stayed glued to the house until it was completely out of sight. Will Levi be okay by himself?

I scoffed to myself, accompanied by an eye roll. He'll be fine, and I didn't care either way. Even if the back of my head is clawing at my mind to not lie to myself, I wasn't going to listen. Not tonight. No, tonight, I was going to forget it all. I was going to lose myself in drinks until I'm shit-face drunk, or piss poor. Either is fine, as long as it drowns my sorrows and silences my thoughts.

The ride there was pretty bland. More so filled with Armin and Mikasa talking about life and how Armin wanted to become a doctor. At that, I said a bland "that's good" comment before I was leisurely thanked and dropped from the conversation again. Truth be told, I didn't want to be put in it. I had nothing to say or to talk about, really.

I turn my attention back to the window as we passed buildings, lit up in colored light. I couldn't get one thing off my mind though. I really wonder if Levi is okay... Last time he left he was gone for awhile and wasn't too happy when he came back. I could see it in his face and hear it wavier in his ever steady voice.

Why am I even thinking about him? Why should I even care if he's alright? He's an angel, he's already dead, so he can't be killed. A soft sigh leaves me and I continue to look out the window. As much as I don't want to admit it, I want to be home. At least knowing that Levi was there made me feel so secure. Like nothing could hurt me. He truly was my guardian angel.

And I was a complete and intolerant asshole to him. Maybe I should apologize? He was doing what he believed was right, but I still wonder how he feels about me. Is he not allowed to say that either? Does he actually want to be with me?

"Eren!"

"Huh?! What!?" I snap my head up.

Mikasa sighed and sent me a weary look. Ah shit, we're already here? How long was she talking to me? I was so lost in thought that I didn't even realize.

"I said we're here now. Are you going to stay in the car all night or are you going to join us?"

"Oh..." I say, scratching my head nervously as I open my door. "Yea, I'm coming too."

We made our way into the club where we'd drink, and I was instantaneously hit with a messy blur of bright lights, colored drinks and hazy people. All this is a bit too much already. Before I can turn and make a mad dash back to the car, Armin grabs my hand and leads me up to a booth with him, Mikasa in tow behind us.

Sitting on the opposite side of them, my eyes shifted down to my hands as my finger played with a loose string at the hem of my shirt. I felt so out of place here. Like a foreigner to a new country, not understanding the language.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to drink. I just wanted something to wash away the pain. We all ended up agreeing to a round of colorful shots, ranging from red to purple, with a mixture of colors in between. Taking three each, I took all the cooler colors while Mikasa and Armin took the brighter colors. Is this suppose to be some kind of ironic punishment? Cooler and darker colors for sadness and depression and brighter and more vibrant colors for happiness.

Whoever is the writer of my life, thank you for the big middle finger to the face. You can go fuck yourself.

Taking back the darkly colored shots, I welcomed the burn of the alcohol in my throat. With our first round of shots done, we ordered more. We had one intention in mind, and that was to take, drink and do much more. Pushing past the limits of safe, until we were on the verge of passing out cold drunk.

Surprisingly enough, I kept going at it. Even as Mikasa and Armin went to dance. I was taking down drink after drink at an alarming rate, but with each drink I took I could feel myself loosen up. I could feel myself forget and lose all sense of morality.

I know it makes me no better than some other useless slob in this club, drinking away his money that he's indebted to, but I can't bring myself to care. Even if I can't think straight, at least I am not in the depths of despair, screaming for someone to pull my out of the blackened abyss in a room by myself. After several drinks more than my usual sober limit, I was free to be away from all those dreadful thoughts. I was a tired mess and I just wanted to sleep. Probably to get a head start on that godforsaken, inevitable hangover that was coming my way for tomorrow morning.

Mikasa walked back to me, pulling Armin along too, both being out of breath as she spoke first. "Alright, Eren. I think we're ready to call it a night."

I sluggishly turn my head to them, flowing in and out of consciousness. Fuck, my head is swimming. "I...w-" I hiccuped, "wanna...s-stay"

Armin raised a brow, and I already knew what he was going to ask me. "Eren, how much did you drink?"

I don't know why, but I cracked a smile while lifting my hand and pointing at the various cups, shot glasses and a whole bottle being empty on the table, not to mention the beer in my hand. I giggled at their expressions. It was priceless! That, or I'm too fucked up to realize the horror on their faces in how much alcohol I took in.

Before I realized it, all the cups were gone and were replaced with four bottles of water. I whine. What happened to my buzz maker?

"Eren, we're not forcing you to go home yet, we know you seriously need this time out, but you are sobering up before you even think of leaving this club. We gotta go, we have errands to run tomorrow." Mikasa spoke softly while opening the bottle of water for me, seeing how I was struggling to even sit up straight.

Armin was next to speak. "We called you an Uber that will take you home. Sober up before it gets here, please."

I listened to him, but still, I wanted more. I still knew. I still felt. I was still conscious, and I didn't want to be. I wanted to be practically brain dead, feeling nothing. Not wanting to make matters worse, I began to slowly drink the water. To reassure them.

They told me goodbye once more before they left me. Blearily, I watched their car drive off, leaving me in the musty club, full of resentment and mistake.

I felt like slamming my head into a wall. Why do I always do this to myself? Why can't I just be normal? Is that too much to ask?! Why can't I-

"Um, hey," A nervous voice says next to me. I turn slowly to see a girl with dirty blonde hair and eyes the color of sapphires. "Uh...can I perhaps...u-um sit with you?"

I scoot over slowly and allow her to sit by me. Without even knowing why I did or who she was. Just another person's presence was comforting to me. Though, I still wasn't in the right state if mind to have an intelligent conversation with her.

"So," She pipes up, almost starling the shit out of me. "Are you here by yourself?"

 _Technically, yes._ I nod once.

"You're pretty cute, y'know. I can't tell what color your eyes are. From afar they look green. Now they kinda look blue. Golden, perhaps?"

I say nothing, more so trying to return to sobriety. Even as she went on talking, I found her words to be a gurgled mess of sounds, drowned out by my thoughts. And one dominated over the rest.

 _Levi._

I really want to talk to him, to find out he's okay. I was really an ass to him, and I just want to make sure he is still there and well.

"So...are you dating anyone? Got a girlfriend? A lover?"

"Not really.."

"I-I could be your lover..."

I ignore that comment from the girl. The longer I sit here, the more Levi plagues my mind. "Levi..."

I didn't even know I had said his name out loud until the girl spoke once more. "Levi? Who's levi?"

"Only the most caring person who has came into my life!" I cry loudly laying on her shoulder while gripping the hem of her sweater. She squeaked slightly, but made no effort to move me.

"Levi has been s-so caring and understanding for m-me!" I ungracefully tried to speak through the hideous tears, hiccups and snot that made me seem more disgusting than my drunk ass was already. "Levi helps me, and to Levi, I'm the first priority! Always! I've been such an ass to Levi!"

She carefully lifted a hand to my head and pets my hair softly. It soothes me enough for me to stop rambling and take in deep, shuddering breaths. I can tell this is awkward for her, dealing with some drunk prick who can't control his emotions.

"Levi seems like a really nice person." She chimed in when I was finally relaxed enough to talk.

"Yea, he is."

"Wait, _he_?"

"Yea," I furrow my brows slightly, lifting my head from her shoulder. "Levi is a male."

Gears seem to turn in her head and she makes a face of understanding. Didn't I say he was male? Thinking over what I said, I didn't add a gender.

"S-so you're...?" She trailed off, probably hoping I fill the blank so sue doesn't accidentally offend me.

"Gay? Yes." Her eyes seem to spark and her face turns beat red. Is she...blushing?

"I-I'm so sorry! I d-didn't...um...oh gosh...I m-mean you don't l-look...oh my..."

"What?" I deadpan.

"Uh...I m-mean, you d-don't look...gay..." She chuckled nervously, now scratching the back of her head.

"Then how am I supposed to look? Am I supposed to be wearing a pastel pink sweatshirt, some cyan blue booty shorts and some colorful stockings?"

Little did she know, I actually own those. I only wear them when I'm extra lazy, or I run out of laundry...that I am too lazy to wash, reverting back to reason one as to why I wear them.

"N-no! I...I didn't mean it l-like that! I-I'm so sorry! I...uh, I didn't mean to o-offend you!" She shuddered badly, her blush now running down her neck and up to her ears, almost turning her whole face into a cherry red color.

"Not all gays are your stereotypical flamboyant, rainbow covered type of guys. Some are masculine and often appear straight," What the fuck was I saying and why did it sound so proper? "Maybe you should think before you speak."

By this time I was down to two bottles of water left and the girl next to me was practically shaking I'm her seat, apologizing profusely. She stand to leave but my laugh stopped her.

"Relax. That's nothing to get worked up over. Just think more." I grab my last two water bottles and walk out to the Uber that honked through the window. I made my way to the car, only staggering slightly as I climbed in the passenger seat. I gave my address to the driver and placed the bottle of water against my head since it was cold and my body was burning hot.

All this thinking of Levi has my head clouded. I want to hate him, to loath him entirely, but another side of me knows he was just doing what he believed was best for me. Being the stubborn asshole I was, I didn't even consider if he had good intentions for it. Is it too late to fix what I've done? Can he ever forgive me? I hope so. I'm too tired to really focus, but I definitely want to make things right with him. We've come to far for me to leave it like that.

* * *

About 15 minutes later, the driver arrived at my house. Ironically enough, mother nature decided to let it rain, hard might I add. I audibly groaned and offered to pay for the drive, but the driver said my friends already took care of it.

He bid me a good night and drove off as I walked up the stairs to my front door. Knowing Levi was home and no one else came over without me knowing, I just opened the door and made my way in. Toeing off my shoes, I said the one name I've been dying to say.

"Levi."

No answer.

"Levi?" I call again, placing my shoes by the front door so they could dry. As I bent down to set them there, I saw something move out the corner of my eye. I stood again, brows creased in confusion. Had Levi fell asleep? The living room is sorta dark, so I can't see well.

I walked over to the lamp and turned it on, but a hand grabbed my wrist just as light shined throughout the living room. What I saw almost made my heart stop.

 _Someone was in my house, on my couch, waiting for me..._

...and it wasn't Levi.

"Hello, Eren."

I could feel all the blood drain from my body. I could see my wrist begin to turn pale, and I could only assume so was the rest of my body. My heart beat was so loud in my ears, I was sure I would go deaf.

There, with his hand around my wrist was Derek.

"O-oh my god..." I whispered pitifully. Every being in my body was screaming at me. To fight or to run. Which chance would be better? My legs wouldn't move, my fists wouldn't raise. I was paralyzed, staring my worst fear directly into its eyes.

"I want you back, Eren." He stood slowly from the couch, not releasing his grip on my wrist.

"No..."

"I was selfish, only caring about myself." He was now fully standing, walking closer to me until I found myself pressed against the wall. My head was spinning and I was trembling terribly.

My mouth felt dry, and I couldn't say anything besides a silent "no" that went unheard every time. He slowly closed the gap between us and I soon feared I would collapse on the ground, he would steal me and someone would find my body in a lake, or not at all. I couldn't handle it, I was crying as he whispered sweet nonsense in my ear. How we would start over, how he would treat me better and love me. It was all lies, I knew it, but I couldn't bring up the courage to save myself.

"No..." I manage. "Never again, Derek..."

A pause. Silence roaming through the house, only being filled by the rain from outside. I heard him click his tongue before my head is slammed back against the wall, making my world spin violently.

"You little-" I see him raise his fist and time itself seems to slow.

My eyes snap closed. This is it. He is finally going to kill me when I'm at my weakest. Hasn't he done enough? Apparently not. I'm tired anyway, tired of fighting all that strangles me on the inside. I have reached the ending of my game, and it's a bad ending. My only regret is I never got to fix things with Levi.

 _Wait...Levi!_

"LEVI!" I scream at the top of my lungs, bloody fucking murder. It hurts like shit, like something is clawing at my throat, but I scream his name. Save me...save me...save me...Levi, save me!

I don't feel Derek's fist but I feel him let go of my wrist, making me slide down the wall into a shaking, hyperventilating mess. I look up just as Levi body slams Derek onto the floor.

"You son of a bitch! Don't you dare hurt Eren!" Levi grabs Derek by the hair and slams his knee into Derek's face, making a spine shivering crack.

"L-Levi..." I whimper, tears running down my face. He turns and I scream as Derek grabs Levi by the neck and throws him towards the wall. Making Levi hit it hard.

Levi isn't going to survive against him. Derek is taller than me and even I couldn't fight him.

I can't bring myself to move. I'm shaking so bad, and my head is spinning. I can't leave Levi to die though.

Levi stands, wipes the corner of his mouth and raises his fist, ready to fight Derek. Their height is an obvious difference, but Levi is faster. He'll be able to hold his ground for awhile, but when he's out of stamina, then he'll be in some deep shit.

I try again to move, but I only end up falling on my side, crying out at the throbbing pain that is rattling my skull. I watch as Levi skillfully dodges Derek's attacks, even landing a few left and right hooks to the jaw, but that doesn't even faze Derek. Even as Levi fights, his eyes keep drifting to me. He wants to help me, I know it, but he can't. I have to move on my own. I can only encourage him.

"Levi," I groan as Levi dodges another hit that would have been aimed at the abdomen. "Fuck him up! Make that bastard feel the same pain I felt! Make him regret ever hurting me!" I cry out, sounding as convincing as I can.

I look over and see that the front door is still partially open. If I can get over there, I can open it and help Levi push him out. I have to do something! I was the one wrong, so I have to help him in some way.

Good thing I know my house so well. I use the arm of the couch to lift myself slowly, drawing little attention to myself as I make my way across it, keeping as far back as I can. I keep my fingers on the way to remind myself that I need to stay as far away as possible. I know I will be seen eventually, but I need to make sure I can get as far as possible.

That idea last up until Derek pins Levi to the ground, his hands around Levi's neck. It flashes in my eyes. I was once there. Under him. Watching the sinister look bloom in his eyes as my world darkened. I refuse to let that happen to Levi.

"Get off of him!" I run and jump on Derek's back, wrapping my arms around his neck and squeezing as hard as I can. He coughs and sputters, but my grip doesn't loosen.

Levi manages to free himself and move just as Derek flips me on the ground. I land a punch to Derek's eye and I grab Levi's hand, pulling him out the door. It's raining so hard that it hurts and I can't see very well.

"Eren, are you okay?" Levi turns back to me when I fell on the grass. My body is trembling and my head is spinning. I'm gonna be sick.

"I...I can't see…" I cling desperately to the grass, afraid to move. I know Derek is coming. I can feel it.

"Stay here." With that, I don't feel Levi near me. I reach out an arm but he is nowhere near me. I have to help him! Feel around, Eren, where are you? I slowly crawl forward, counting my movements until I reach the fence. I counted eight, so I was in the middle of the yard.

I stand and cup my hands over my eyes. I still can't see well, but I can tell where Levi and Derek are. The way it seems, Derek can't see well either, but Levi has perfect vision on him. If I can just get Derek into position where he is completely vulnerable, Levi will be able to land one hard hit that will keep Derek down.

Shit, but how do I make my way over there? Wait, Levi can see perfectly. Maybe I can use that to my advantage. I whistle and began tracing my finger in mid-air. I don't even know of Levi can see this, but I continue to wave my finger around, spelling out,

 _Lead him towards me. I'll get him down and you knock him down._

I hear another whistle before I don't see Levi's figure anymore. I stand slowly before I feel soft hands on my hips, leading my forward carefully.

"Levi?"

" _Shh,"_ I hear him say softly, cooing my body into relaxation. _"I won't let him hurt you. Just distract him long enough for me to find an opening."_

Before I know it I'm standing in front of Derek. For the first time in a long time, I'm not afraid of him. I have to fight him to help Levi.

"It's me you want, right? Then fight me, Derek," I raise my fists. "I'm not afraid of you anymore."

Analyze him, Eren. You don't have to fight him or hit him. Just find an opening. Dodge his attacks and get him vulnerable.

My plan works as I dodge each punch and kick he aims, with the help of Levi being my eyes. Too bad I'm barefoot. Falling backwards at a suddent attack aimed at me, Derek grabs me by the front of my shirt. On instinct, I wrap my arms around the one gripping my shirt and throw my legs around his neck. Holding him in a triangle choke.

He is able to balance our weight, so I arch my back and pull all my weight backwards and down so he has to stagger. His other arm is free though, and I have no way to pin that away. Maybe this is the opening! "Levi, his arm!"

I don't know where he came from, but Levi was there with Derek's wrist in hand. He twisted it so Derek's elbow was downward before he yanked it down at the same time he kicked his knee up, snapping Derek's arm in half. A loud scream left him and he tried to drop me. Which he did, but I gripped his hair and used my legs to slam him on his back, knocking him unconscious.

I crawl away from him and watch his frame lay there on the ground. Oh fuck, this really just happened. Levi gives him one last look before walking to me and offering me a hand up. I take it and allow Levi to pull me to my feet.

"I need this," Levi reaches for my belt and undoes it and slips it out the loops of my pants in one tug. He walks back to Derek and hog ties him. "I'all have Hanji come get him. Test on him perhaps, or just take his sorry ass to jail."

I can't help but to start crying. I'm so weak. I can't compare to anyone, I'm beyond broken. Too many times my pieces have been scattered. Do I even want to put myself back together?

Levi hears me and walks over to me. I was prepared to spill my heart but he doesn't even give me time to speak. No words can even leave if I wanted them to. Levi wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a comforting hug.

He...hugged me.

I hiccup loudly before wrapping my arms around him, crying louder. He can't forgive me just like that! I have so much to say, so much to apologize for.

"Whatever you have to say can wait until tomorrow. For now we have to-"

The rest of the words faded out as I collapsed in his arms, letting sleep take me over.

* * *

Me: I meant to finish this on Valentine's day, but I was tired and had a massive headache.

Lilly: I kept telling her to work on it, even n after her headache stop.

Hibiki: But she's really lazy. She just watched YouTube.

Pinkii: Besides, she doesn't listen anyway, soooo…

Me: ;-; y…

Armin: Anyway! It's finished!

Hanji: What should be updated next?!

Eren: Not 50 Shades cause Neko has to revise damn near the entire story, but you can suggest another story.

Levi: Neko hoped you enjoyed. Bye.

 _(English version of the song Eren sung.)_

 _I can't beat my sad heart_

 _again I'm enduring the dark and sleepless nights_

 _without regard for my despair_

 _the morning indifferently wakes me_

 _the wound burns more than expected_

 _the hurt goes deeper than expected_

 _the countless nights of resenting you are like hell to me_

 _please stay at my side, please stay with me_

 _please don't let go of the me who is holding your hand_

 _if you go one step further away like this_

 _I can just take one more step and that's enough_

 _the thousands of times in one day_

 _that I repeat and think of your appearance_

 _the unforgiving worsd that you said to me_

 _that icy gaze and those cold expressions_

 _you were an incredibly pretty person_

 _you were an incredibly pretty person_

 _please don't be like this to me, you know me well_

 _oh girl_

 _the words that you said so lightly at that time_

 _made it so light, our relationship_

 _I didn't know that 'being used to it' would be scarier than anything_

 _I don't know your heart, up until we ultimately said a goodbye full of regret_

 _as the days pass it gets bigger, the empty space you left_

 _oh shit, even if we_

 _give water to our flower bed that used to be so beautiful, the_

 _full blooms have all become nothing but memories_

 _only the scent of loneliness gushes forth_

 _if I could see you again I,_

 _i want to show you everything I have_

 _my heart that's beating to hold you tight_

 _I want to convey it all to you, I_

 _for real for real_

 _until you hold this sincerity in your embrace once again_

 _just hold me, hold me a little_

 _don't say anything and please just run to me_

 _with a heart that's nothing but lonely and anxious_

 _I'm waiting for you like this_

 _I love you, I love you_

 _in the long silence, a sound comes, screaming_

 _from my foolish and weak heart_


	13. Is It Wrong To Say I Love You?

_**Guardian: Is it wrong to say I love you?**_

 _ **I have been sooooooo lazy! I've been reading a bunch of yaoi mangas and doing videos edits for my YouTube channel (subscribe to me :P) anyway, no long intro, this chapter may be short because I forgot my original plan for this chapter. Enjoy!**_

* * *

 _ **Levi P.O.V**_

 _This is perfect to me. I honestly couldn't ask for a better family, for two more amazing people that I care about and spend every ounce of my being taking care of. Eren was smiling brightly as he played in the ocean, kicking and playing in the water with our son as I take pictures from the shore. In the back of my mind, I know it's fake. I know it's something that could never possible come true. Even still, I want to live this lie as long as I can. To experience this overwhelming sense of happiness at the thought of my family being happy._

" _Levi," I look up from the camera, seeing Eren wave me over to the water. His body is completely soaked, having being "pushed" over by Riren. His hair was pushed back in messy curls, dripping from the water. I smile to myself, that boy needs a haircut again. His hair grows just as fast as Riren does._

 _Speaking of which, he runs up to me, a big smile plastered on his face as he holds out his hand and ushers me to stand and come with him._

" _Come on, dad! The water is perfect!"_

 _Dad. Oh how I wish I could've been called that._

" _Levi~! Come on~!" Eren is now calling me too, jumping up and down._

 _I can't deny these two. These are my boys. My pride and my joy. I roll my eyes softly and stand, dusting off a bit of dust from my shorts as Riren turns and bolts off down the sand._

" _Last one there is a rotten egg!" He calls back. I start off chasing after him, watching Eren cheer us both on. I was happy. Truly happy to spend time with my family._ _ **My**_ _family._

 _I could almost touch Riren's shoulder as we make it to the water, but as soon as we reach it, he drops down into it and my feet immediately stop._

" _Riren," was all I could manage as I drop to my knees and start combing my fingers through the water. "Riren! Riren! Oh God, Riren! Not my baby boy! Come back, Riren!"_

 _Eren is petrified, staring at the spot in the water that is slowly turning a crimson red._

" _My baby...my baby is gone…"_

" _Goddamnit, no he's not! Riren! Riren!" I can't stop the tears that are coming. Not my baby. Not my baby boy. "Eren! Help me!"_

 _I turn to Eren and I freeze completely. Eren stares back at me, holding his pregnant belly as his body is bruised and bloody. Rubbing soft circles on his stomach, he looks down lovingly at me._

" _I can't, baby," He points a finger at my arms and I look down to see Riren's lifeless body in my arms. "We died already."_

" _No! No!" I place Riren on my shoulder and repeatedly pat his back. "Cough it up, Riren! Cough out the water, baby boy! Oh God, breathe, Riren!"_

 _He's not breathing and his body is stiff. Not my baby, please not him. Eren sits down on his knees carefully and takes Riren into his arms. He places a soft kiss to Riren's forehead and runs his fingers through our son's soft, black hair._

" _It's okay, my baby," He cradled him to his chest. "I will always love you."_

 _I can't bring myself to move, seeing our son dead and Eren in his state. It was too much to handle. Eren looks up at me and give me that gorgeous half smile before he rubbed a bloody thumb across my cheek._

" _Levi," he said, quieter this time. "Don't make the same mistake. Make it there on time."_

 _With that, he stands, still holding Riren in his arms as he walks further into the ocean, sinking deeper as he walks._

" _Eren! Don't leave me alone! Please!" I cry, trying to chase after them. "Please don't leave me again!"_

 _He stops walking and turns to me. "Say it before it's too late."_

 _He smiles before his body completely drops down into the water with Riren in his arms._

" _No!" I swim over to the spot and dig around feverishly. "Say what?! What do I have to say?! Eren!"_

 _The water then begins to turn bloody red and the whole scenery changes a similar color. I look around me to see myself surrounded by a sea of blood. The beach is nowhere in sight._

" _What am I supposed to do?! What am I supposed to sa-!" Something grabs my foot and I am forced down into the water. I cover my mouth and nose on instinct, being fully submerged in water. I see current Eren floating in the water with me. He holds out his wrists._

 _They were slit straight down the middle and he mouths, "Sorry, but you were too late."_

"Eren!" I jolt up in bed and cover my mouth, feeling the contents of my stomach wanting to violently come back up. This is...this is...this is, Eren's bed? Why am I here? What happened and how did I get here?

I rub my forehead, then my right cheek, feeling them both being bandaged. This wasn't necessary, I could've just healed it. I'm more worried about Eren and his injuries.

Oh, _shit_ , "Eren!"

I hop out the bed and throw the door open before I hop over the railing. I need to know where he is and if he's okay, no time for the stairs. Landing carefully with the help of my wings, I start looking around the area.

"Eren?! Eren! Eren! Er-" I run into the kitchen to see him standing there at the stove. He also had bandages around his head and he's leisurely making sausage.

"Morning," he said quietly.

I look down to see his leg in a makeshift splint. "Eren, your-"

"Just when it healed, huh?" He placed the sausage on a plate that had pancakes, eggs and bacon and carefully slid the plate on the counter near me. "Here's your breakfast. I know you don't technically need to eat mortal food, but still..."

Eren turned the opposite way and continued, "If you don't want that, then I can make something else. Or if you would rather skip breakfast, that's fine, too, but I really want you to eat."

"Eren…"

"Maybe you just don't like eating food? That's fine too. If you would rather just not eat, it's okay."

"Eren."

"I don't mind. It doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, why force you to do something you don't need or want to do? Stupid, huh? I just guessed-"

"Eren!"

"-that you would like some breakfast." He finished so quietly it was almost inaudible."

"Eren, you're rambling. Relax a bit." I carefully take a step forward. He hasn't even looked at me yet. Something serious is on his mind, and he's trying to push it aside. Something I picked up on after watching Eren grow.

"What do you mean? I'm not rambling, I was just making sure."

"Eren," I take another step forward, I can see Eren is trying to balance himself on one leg without trying to put weight on the other. "Maybe you should sit down."

"I'm fine," his voice is shaking. "Did he hurt you too much? Hanji came by this morning, and you wouldn't wake up. You didn't even budge. I was so worried about you, Levi. He could have killed you…"

"I'm already dead," I scoff.

Eren spun so quick that he had to grab the counter just to assure he wouldn't fall over. "That's not…"

He sucked in a deep breath, trying to force the pain from his mind so he could be able to focus on his words. "The fucking point, Levi! The point is he could've harmed you to get to me and I couldn't allow that to happen!"

I sigh and start to unravel the gauze wrapped firmly around my head. Leave it to Hanji to wrap it that fucking tightly. "So what? I'm your guardian, it's my job to protect you."

"But-!"

"Besides," i interrupt. " _You're_ the one who called to _me_ for help."

If I could describe how the room felt, it was like stripping in Antarctica, dousing yourself in in ice cold water, locking yourself in a freezer and jumping into the frozen water to sink to the bottom of the ocean where no sun shines. To sum it up, it was cold as death itself. And the look and Eren's eyes iced it to it's very core.

They didn't even look like their normal warm and vibrant color, they were almost golden. Eerily so. Almost like he wasn't even there. For a second, I considered that Annie was back and had taken over Eren's body, but the brunet only nodded.

"Yea," his voice was low when he spoke. " _I_ called out to _you_ for help. I'll make sure not to do it again."

That's not what I-… I didn't mean it like-... What I meant was-...

I realized how my words were taken out of context, and tried to restate what I meant. "Er-"

"If you don't shut the fuck up, Levi, I swear to God…" Eren said through gritted teeth, his eyes full golden now. I could see Eren was beyond pissed. Last time, he was just angry, but he was fuming now. I knew it was best not to try to say anything to make him angrier, so I just decided to bite my tongue on what I was thinking.

Turning to my left, I grabbed a fork from the drawer, grabbed the plate if food, quietly thanked Eren for it and walked away. I knew that he probably needed time to cool off, but u don't understand what made him so pissed off.

After a few more seconds had passed, I heard him shuffle from the kitchen and up the stairs. I knew I should have helped him, due to the injury to his foot, but he needed to be by himself. That, I could respect.

Even though Eren was mad at me, I couldn't even bring myself to focus in it. That dream began to replay in my head. Seeing Riren...Eren...dead…

"Fuck," I set the plate down and stand to go grab the house phone Eren had. Of course I called shitty glasses. She'd know what to do.

The phone rang twice before a voice piped up, _"Eren? Hunny bun, I told you that you needed to be in bed. You weren't really in the right mindset this morning, talking about some strange dream about Levi…"_

"Wait, what dream?! What did he say?"

" _Levi? You're awake? You should be in bed. Resting."_

Resting? This fuck nugget wants me to rest when Eren had said something about a dream? "Later, what dream was he talking about?"

" _Can't say. I'm sworn to secrecy."_ She cackled softly.

"Damn four eyed bitch," I sigh. "How is Eren's condition? How long will it take him to recover?"

" _Well,"_ I can hear Hanji stand and begin walking. _"He has slight head trauma due to being slammed on the ground. His ankle is twisted, but I didn't have time for a proper splint, so I used what I couldn't until I could come back over later._ _That's about it. He really didn't suffer any life threatening serious injuries this time, so that's good."_

"Good," I let out a breath of relief. "That's really good."

" _How about you, Levi? You slept like you were dead. Oh...wait...you-"_

"Haha. Very funny, I'm well aware I'm dead, but at the same time...it doesn't feel like I am. The more I'm with Eren, the more I can interact with this world."

I place the phone between my ear and shoulder as I stand and grab the plate. I don't want to waste it, so I set it in the microwave for later, or even for Eren to eat. He's still human, so he needs food.

" _Well you'll have to ask that question to a higher power. I hold no secrets to the universe."_

I roll my eyes. "Thanks for the help."

" _Anytime, ravioli."_ I momentarily cringe at the name. _"Anyway, I have to get back to work, but I'll stop by later to check on Eren once more. Bye!"_

"Bye," and with that, I hang up the phone and set it down on the counter. Letting out a deep sigh, I try thinking about what Eren had told me.

"Say it before it's too late, huh? What the hell does that mean?" Those words kept playing over and over in my head, and Eren's sweet yet deathly expression had bile feeling up in my stomach, making me want to spew chunks of food all over the floor. Fucking disgusting.

I decided to focus. Maybe a higher power could have an answer for me. I know Rico was at least listening. That woman has the eyes of a hawk and ears of a dog. Nothing could get past her. I drew out a soft breath and shut out the world around me. Allowing my eyes to slip closed, I focused on unnoticed things. Things normal humans couldn't notice. Things between the realms of life and death. Things that weren't meant to be noticed.

I held my breath. I was in between two plains, where inhuman things were free to roam about. If I don't move, I won't be noticed. I hate doing this, hearing a thousand whispers in your ears, but never the right one that needed to be heard. One stood out to me. It didn't speak too loudly, didn't ask for me to open my eyes or to step away from the border like this others . No, this one just spoke softly. Unable to be heard by human ears.

 _Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

That's all it said. All it repeated. A simple _'tap_ ' noise. It almost seemed like a familiar sound to me. It almost seemed like something was...dripping? The voices began to hush and that single voice stood alone.

 _Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

That sound. Is it echoing, or is it in Eren's house? Speaking of which, how long has Eren been in the shower? Time stops here.

 _Oh shit. How long has he been in the shower?!_

I used my wings as a safe means to bring me back to the realm of the living, closing the barrier. I opened my eyes and saw that I was back in the same place, Eren was still nowhere to be seen. Checking the time that was on the house phone, it showed that an hour in a half had passed.

"Shit," I curse aloud, slamming the phone back on the counter.

That's when I felt it. A drip of blood on my bare feet. I was confused. Where was the blood coming from? I looked around me and saw no leak of blood. I began looking at myself, seeing if I had accidentally cut myself or had a bandage loose or something. To my surprise, the sleeve of my shirt was drenched in blood. I didn't even notice.

"What the-?" I slowly pull up my sleeve, only to feel a surge of anger and betrayal coarse through my veins at what I saw.

"Eren!" Turning on my heel, I half walk half jog my way from the kitchen and up the stairs. "Eren fucking Jaeger!"

Making my way to his room and to his bathroom door, I jiggle the knob, only to feel that it is locked. I bang on the door next.

"Eren! Eren, open the door!"

The shower water stops and I can hear a soft sigh. I can't pinpoint if it's a tired sigh or a fed up sigh, but I know one thing. He better explain why he's cutting again, or I'm going to shove my for so far up his ass, it'll kill him.

"Eren!"

"...Yes?..."

"Open the fucking door."

"...I'm naked."

"I quite frankly don't give a shit. Open. The. Door." After that, Eren didn't answer me. I could only assume he just decided to ignore me and get dressed. Fine, but he has a shitload to explain once he opens the door.

One cue, the door opens slowly and Eren is drying his hair with a fluffy Greek towel. His eyes meet mine and I can tell he wants to say something. He better explain why the fuck-

"I didn't mean to tell at you, Levi," he begins. "I was just so worried about you, and for you to shrug it off like it was nothing...I was just so mad. It gave me no reason to yell at you. I'm sorry."

I stop, momentarily taken aback at how Eren genuinely looks sorry.

"I…" I shake my head. "Eren, what is wrong with you?"

Eren walks past me, still drying his hair. "What do you mean?"

I turn. "You know exactly what I mean. Why is my arm bleeding?"

Eren turns back to me, eyebrow raised in confusion. "Did you cut it?"

Did I...did I cut it?! Is _he_ seriously asking _me_ this?! I pinch the bridge of my nose and step closer before reaching out and grabbing his right arm. I push my thumb down on this skin that is covered by a long sleeve shirt. Eren winced and snatched his arm away, pulling it to his chest and pulling it down to look at the skin under it.

"No, but _you did_. You promised me Eren!" Walked off and out the room without another word. "You promised me you would stop this, Eren!"

This continues as we go down the stairs, badly limping, might I add. Eren says nothing and I continue to hit and punch his back in blind fury. Not enough to hurt him, but enough to let him know yet I was mad at him. He still says nothing but walks to the kitchen and grabs a bundle of gauze and begins carefully wrapping his arm.

"Eren!" I turn him around. The moment he looks up, I slap him hard across the face. The sound seemed to echo in the empty house, but he still doesn't speak to me. Softly, he raises his fingers to his red cheek, flinching at the contact.

My hand is stinging too and I'm just now realizing how hard I had hit him. My common sense returns and I instantly feel terrible.

"Oh God, Eren, I'm sorry...L-let me…" I raise my hand and try to touch his cheek. He moves back away from me and looks away. "E-Eren...I didn't mean to hit you...I was just mad that you were doing this again!"

"...it doesn't even help anymore…" Comes my response in the form of a whisper.

"What do you mean, Eren?" I carefully tilt his head up so he's forced to meet my eyes. His are full to the brim with tears.

"It doesn't even work anymore, Levi. Cutting doesn't relieve anything anymore. I have cuts up to my upper arm, and they do nothing but look ugly and remind me on how stupid I am."

I grip his shirt. "Eren, that isn't true and you know it!"

He pushes past me once again and begins walking off again, this time, to his music room. Slamming and locking the door behind himself. Without even thinking, I can feel anger bubble up inside me again. Stay calm, Levi. He doesn't need the extra stress. Just...calmly speak to him.

"You're obligated to say that, Levi. You're my guardian."

"Even as a normal angel, you aren't stupid or any negative thing you say about yourself, and you need to stop this, Eren!" I can feel the anger seeping in. "You promised!"

"And your promised not to leave me as a kid, but you did that."

"I had to, Eren! I thought you understood that! You were already bullied! Telling people you saw angels would surely be a quick write up to the insane asylum, with no chance of getting out!"

"Why would you care? And do pull that 'Because I'm your guardian' crap."

"Why are you such an insufferable brat?! Why are you so stubborn?! Why can't you accept that someone wants to help you?!"

"Then don't! I never asked you to!"

"Maybe _you_ didn't, but you from a different time did! He told me to stay alive and to protect you as much as I can!" I kicked the door.

"Well consider yourself relieved from such a hard duty! You're free to go, Levi!"

"If you don't open this door, Eren, I will break the whole damn thing off it's hinges." I say threateningly while grip the doorknob harder.

"Your an angel, open it yourself."

"An angel, Eren! Not a damn magician! I can't just open locked doors as I please!"

"Then leave it closed. Why open a closed door? Why find out what's behind it? If you couldn't see it, then it's too late."

Too late? That's the same thing that Eren from my dream said. Too late for what? What did I do wrong? What do I have to correct-

 _Eren._

 _It was Eren._

 _I never noticed it._

 _I rejected him._

 _What I was too late for was being with Eren._

 _I had missed my chance._

 _Messed it up by my own doings._

 _He's suffered from it all this time._

 _It was him._

 _It started and ended with him._

 _I understand now._

That still doesn't stop my anger, but now I understand how he feels. "Eren, I'm giving you one more chance. Open. The. Door."

Nothing.

I grip the doorknob, ready to rip it completely off the door, but stopped when I heard a soft click. Trying the knob again, I was surprised to see it was unlocked. Good, now Eren was going to get it.

Swinging the door open, I stomped in and saw Eren stand quickly from where he was standing. He held out his hands defensively, but I slapped them away and gripped the front of his shirt. He asked for this.

"Levi, I-!" Any further protests stopped when I smashed my lips against his, having to stand on my tip toes. He seemed to completely freeze up, but he showed no intention of pushing me away. Soon enough, his hands dropped back to his side and I could only feel want spread throughout my chest. I run my tongue against his bottom lip and his lips part, allowing me to slip my tongue in.

I've missed this so much that I want to cry. I've missed being this close and being able to kiss him with as much passion and force as I could. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. We broke for a second to get air, breaths mingling as our foreheads rested against each other.

"I-is it wrong?" I ask, voice cracking and betraying me.

"Is what wrong, Levi?" Eren lifts my chin with his index finger and thumb. Only then does he see the tears in my eyes. He still kisses the same. He still looks the same. He is still the same person I vowed to protect and love, yet he doesn't even remember that. Remember how important he was and still is to me. Remember how much I love him.

"Is it wrong…" I say again, moving his hand to my cheek to cup it and placing my own hand over it. "Is it wrong to say I love you?"

"Levi…" Eren says quietly, obviously surprised by words. I'm not even acting like my normal hard ass self. Everything just came crashing down around me. So now it was my turn to break down and Eren's turn to comfort me.

"I know it's wrong. I know I'm not supposed to, but goddamnit all, Eren, I love you. I always have." I can't even stop myself. Having Eren this close to me is numbing my mind as memories of past and present blur in my head, making my eyes water again to know that none of it will ever be mine again.

"Levi…" Eren says again, but I shake my head.

"Eren, I'm so sorry! For everything you've been through….that I was always too late, but not sorry for falling in love with you! I wasn't sorry then, and I sure as hell won't be now!"

Eren cups my face, causing me to stop talking and focus on him. Tears are streaming down his face and he's giving me the biggest smile I've seen him wear and such a long time. And it's contagious, because I find myself smiling too, holding his hands in mine.

"I'm so happy, Levi. I love you too."

No other words needed to be said, I just pulled him down and kissed his lips, smiling against their warmth. I've missed this so much, and now it's mine again…

"I love you too, Eren." I whisper against his lips.

 _But for how long?_

* * *

 _ **Okay! That's it for now! I wanted to write more, but that was a good enough place to end. The next...I wanna say 3-5 chapters will just be fillers for the time gap that is needed, but I will have a good surprise in store for when the story is back on track! They finally kissed! I've been waiting for this moment since I started this fic! I hope you enjoyed and you guys are still with me with this fic! That's all for now! Love y'all! Bye!**_

 _ **Hanji, Armin, Eren and Levi: Bye!**_


	14. Sweater Weather

_**Guardian: Sweater Weather**_

Levi took a step back and looked up at Eren. He had that cheesy smile that Levi just couldn't get enough of. He didn't say anything, but he knew this wouldn't end well. He knew as well as anyone else that fate was cruel. He was never meant to be with Eren. Not in this life, nor the past. Yet, here he was, willing the throw everything away just to be able to have a small moment of happiness with him.

It made him so happy, that he was dizzy. Or was that just the ringing in his ears?...

"Levi?" Eren said while grabbing onto Levi's shoulders as the shorter of the two stumbled backwards a step. What first started out as annoying ringing quickly grew into a massive headache that brought Levi to his knees, whimpering in pain like a kicked puppy.

He already knew that this meant Rico knew he broke the second biggest rule.

Always so quick to know. Made him almost want to laugh.

This was him being called, but even if he went to her, she couldn't punish him without an order from the higher ups. So he was just going to avoid her as long as he could. This is something he could handle. If it was for the sake of being with Eren, he could hold the weight of the world.

"I get it, Rico! Quit it!" He said as he scooted away from Eren and turned away. He could sense hurt emitting from Eren just by the way his hand drew back silently, no longer reaching out to comfort Levi. It wasn't like he just didn't care, but he knew his place. This was beyond him and beyond his realm of helping, so he just had to help where he could and keep his distance.

Eren made a soft whining sound like he couldn't let this be. He was always stubborn, but even now...being this close to Levi, he couldn't turn a blind eye to his needs.

He began to speak. "Le-"

"I'm fine, Eren." Levi interrupted "Just give me a moment."

He stood and shook his head, rubbing his temples profusely. This was nothing he couldn't handle. This was his choice to accept this form of punishment, after all.

Turning back to Eren with a heavy sigh and seeing Eren look at him with worried eyes, he sat back down in front of him and cupped his cheeks. "I'm here with and for you only, got it?"

He said quietly, as if if he spoke any louder this sense of comfort would be nothing more than a shattered dream. Eren's bottom lip was quivering and the tears he tried so desperately to hold back were sliding carelessly down his tan cheeks. Levi was quick to shush and coo to him. He wiped his thumbs under Eren's eye lids, wiping away the tears.

"No more crying," He said. "No more cutting. No more Derek." Eren hiccupped at hearing the name again.

"Just me and you. You and I. Got it?"

Eren gave a curt nod.

"I want to hear you say it, Eren. It has no effect unless you say it."

Eren licked his suddenly dry lips slowly and said, "You and I." His voice cracking ever so slightly.

"Good boy," Levi stood again, this time he turned and walked towards the door. He wouldn't force his issues on Eren. No, what he needed now more than ever is plenty of rest, food and water, and Levi was going to spoil Eren rotten.

"You need to eat something." Levi said, his voice back to its usual disinterested tone, unlike how it was a moment ago. "I'll make you something light to eat for lunch, so bandage your arm and come out when you're done.

Eren sat and watched as Levi disappeared out of the doorway, his bare feet slapping against the ground as he walked to the kitchen. Eren still just couldn't believe anything that has happened, and he couldn't get over this nagging feeling of knowing something was wrong with Levi. He couldn't intervene no matter how hard he wanted to. It would only hurt Levi in the long run. He sighed and looked over at the gause sprawled carelessly on the floor. He couldn't use this.

He stood carefully with help from the wall and walked out of the room. He could hear Levi rummaging through the cabinets as he walked off to the bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet and got the rubbing alcohol, peroxide and another bundle of gause.

By this time, he lost most of the feeling in his arm - as to be expected when the nerves there have grown soft and weak from being cut, so the peroxide and alcohol had little to no effect and he was able to breeze through it, no problem. He wrapped the bandages around the skillfully cleaned wound and made sure they wouldn't come undone.

His reflection was a mess. The embodiment of all his stress bottled up then suddenly shattered. His hair was disheveled, dark circles rested promptly under his eyes, his eyes looked red, puffy and swollen, but honestly...Eren couldn't be happier. He overcame a milestone in his life and reached a new one, and this time, Levi was here to help him through it.

He couldn't explain it, but his chest felt warm, like a new feeling was there, something that wasn't there before. He couldn't tell if it was a good feeling or a bad one, but he was going to wait it out and see.

Exiting the bathroom, he made a quick detour to his room, going up the stairs in a sluggish pace. He took off his currently bloodied shirt in exchange for a clean one. he grabbed the first sweater he saw in his closet and pulled it on and went back down the stairs.

"Eren?" A voice said. It was Levi's voice. Eren turned his head to where he heard Levi's voice, unsure of exactly where it came from. He thought Levi was behind him but he was was shocked to see Levi was actually above him.

Levi raised a brow and said, "What are you doing? I was wondering where you had walked off to."

"Oh...sorry," Eren hummed. He must have really been lost in thought. He should've known it wouldn't take Levi that long to make him a sandwich. His head has been all over the place for that last few days so it's no surprise that he forgot something so simple. "I kinda...zoned out. Sorry."

"No need to apologize," Levi handed him the plate. "I know you have a lot in mind-"

Levi followed Eren's eyes as the brunet looked away. "-but you're not wrong. Nothing is wrong with you. You just need time to cope with what has happened...and I can understand that."

Eren quietly accepted the plate and took a bite of the sandwich. It was a tuna sandwich boiled egg in it. Eren almost wondered how long he was in lala land, or did Levi have some superhuman power to boil eggs in less than 5 minutes, but then again...Levi isn't exactly human.

"I'm full." He handed the plate back and Levi looked at him in disbelief. He had taken 4 small bites out of the sandwich.

"There is no way you're full Eren, you need to eat more." Levi took a step forward, urging Eren to eat more. Eren, on the other hand, didn't want more. He felt like he would vomit if he even smelled the sandwich anymore.

"Maybe it's too heavy on your stomach?" Levi said quietly as he seemingly sulked. "I'm sorry, Eren, I thought it was easier to eat. I'll go make you something else t-"

As Levi turned on his heel and began to go back in the direction of the kitchen, Eren grabbed the back of his shirt.

Levi stopped and a beat of silence passed by. Until finally, in a small and scared voice, Eren said:

 _"Don't go. Don't leave me."_

Eren was holding back tears and even he knew he was being a big crybaby, and surely Levi was getting tired of it. He couldn't help it though, he was afraid. Afraid that he'd be left on his own to fend for himself. That he'd be too weak to protect himself from Derek.

Maybe it wasn't true. Maybe it was just mind over matter, but that was a matter he couldn't get off his mind. He was petrified when Derek had appeared in his house. He couldn't move and couldn't even help Levi until it was too late. He was just useless all together.

He knew this, but still...part of him wished he could go back and change the hands of time. Erasing the pain and the memories of Derek all together, cause now he was only left with the scars. He would use these as a guide, to steer him straight.

And Levi, he was his light, helping him through the darkest of times. He just had to do his part and make sure that the light didn't burn out.

"I'll...I'll eat the sandwich," he began, letting go of Levi's shirt, letting his hand flop lazily back to his side. "Just...stay by me a bit longer."

Levi looked back at him and Eren looked up, meeting his eyes. "Just long enough for me to walk this dark path alone."

 **Whelp, that's all folks! Not the end of the story! Just the end of the chapter. It has almost been a year since I updated it. It probably has been a year...I've been preoccupied with school and yaoi mangas. I used to just read one shots, but now I read full on mangas, manhwas and manhuas. So I'm quite occupied reading wise. What else...Oh! I finally watched 50 Shades of Grey, and I was WAY off with my 50 Shades of Riren story, so I may rewrite it...one day. Perhaps. Anywho~ I hope you enjoyed this short little chapter. Enjoy your bundle of sunshine while you can, cause shit** **will** **hit the fan. Byeeeee!~**


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